Bad Day🥺

My heart is heavy, feels like I can't breathe. Today is one of those bad days I've successfully avoided in many years and months and weeks.

Let me tell you about it..

I resumed a new posting yesterday and all through, I didn't get to do procedures (see patients) as we were lots of Doctors with all the patients assigned to others, with a few others left to observe or discuss (this is because we book a certain number per day, according to the amount of sterile instruments available.

Today, I was in charge of the case notes and like yesterday, everyone got, even people who got their hands on some procedures got again. I guess it's because I'm new.

I'm not used to just observing. Been observing since I was a clinical student in 2018, and soon I'd be going out into the world, without supervision anymore and yet they still want me to be observing. Lol.

I met the Chief Registrar and explained my plight and he said he was going to give me something to do. Thank goodness, there was one patient left, that was booked for today.

I moved to a seat, got out my phone opened one of my books and started reading to keep me company till the Chief Reg was free to see the patient with me.

I had barely started reading when one of the senior consultant walked in through the door and saw me sitting and looking into my phone. She immediately yelled, get out of this clinic and never return until...
To say I was embarrassed is an understatement. If I were fair, my entire skin would have flushed to red.
I didn't wait to explain, I just gently walked out.

As a rule, obey before explanation.
And yeah, I got to realize that even when preparing for a presentation the following day, it's a crime to read into your phone or laptop when a colleague is working on a patient. Just stand by and observe.

It's past 2pm and I'm yet to meet her to apologize. Not explain. Explanation worsens the situation except she asks for one. I've walked to and fro her office like a thousand times, I think I might lose my little weight.
Now, I'm by her office waiting for when she'd be done and return on seat.

Funny thing is, of all the consultants, she is one I share more memories with; was a visiting lecturer to my alma mater, attends same church, knows my mum, asks after me if I'm missing and have been sweet generally, so you can understand my shock that this happened.

I honestly think I'd be better off working with tough people who everyone know be be strict than with the angel of the community 😭

I'm so sad right now, don't even want to share the story to every of my colleague because it's a stain on my white to be walked out of the clinic.
I've lost interest in possibly everything else.. food, my itinerary for the day.

I just made a post talking about how last week was tough for me, here , and this week is starting out like this. Who did I offend?🥺

I'm pouring it all out through my fingers on my screen, I hope it makes me feel better.

Would you please leave kind words to me?

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