It's 20 years ago this year,I lost my mother. Eleven months later, my father followed. I lived in the other side of the country. I might as well have been on the moon for all I could do. No-one can tell you how to deal with this. It's hard, it's painful; it's just, well, everything. Do what you need to do. For your mom and for yourself. Wishing you strength as you walk this path.