Becoming the Master of your Emotions

There is a "no worry" blissful mode that is available to any of us at all times. It is accessed through our directed focus.

We don't have the ability to directly change emotions at will, but we do have control over our focus. It is a skill that needs training, but even without training, we can see results immediately when we try to direct our focus.

When we change our focus, our thoughts and emotions change as a natural result.

So we DO have the ability to change our emotions at will, we just can't do it through brute force, we need to make a change at the most fundamental level first, which is our focus.

When you start doing this you gain the ability to steer your life. Like a sail boat, we can't influence the current or the winds, but we can still influence where the boat goes. Our focus is like the mast.

That is why I don't check the news unless I feel enough peace and will power to maintain a positive focus regardless of what bad news I am hit with. That is why I don't check my messages until I've been awake for an hour. It's why I've eliminated all the toxic people from my life, or at least made distance with the ones who I didn't want to completely get rid of.

It's why I don't engage in conversation with people who are disrespectful of others boundaries or who try to control or force people to do things.

It's why it was very important for me to maintain some kind of influence over my work schedule. I have students who are only free at certain times, but I still have the power to say no when that time doesn't work for me. It's not easy to cancel a class but it's always an option as long as I don't do it too often. And writing and music and other creative work is all just about building up the inspiration during the time I am free and acting on it.

I focus on the positive as much as I can, and I know what makes me excited and happy because if I don't know that, I am just sailing without a compass. Know yourself enough to know where you draw your energy from. Everyone draws energy from somewhere and we can adjust to draw energy from healthier places when our energy sources are unhealthy.

I draw energy from positive interactions with people. This is different from the idea of being an "extrovert" (a concept that I don't really believe in). I lose energy from rigid social structures limiting possibilities, and those exist everywhere in society. So I am not someone who necessarily draws energy from all interactions. I don't feel great going out just to go out. I need to already have some energy to create a vibe and not get pulled into other peoples narratives.

So where do I gain energy to do that when doing that successfully is what gives me the most energy? Play. I play. By myself when other people are too troublesome.

I ask myself what I want to do and I do it. I ask myself what feels better than I feel right now, and I go do whatever that thing is.

Sometimes it's picking up a guitar or writing something. Sometimes it's getting something done that will help some greater goal. Those are active things, which usually create more energy than passive things...

But when I don't even have the drive to do something active, I do something passive until boredom or desire drives me to become more active. I try to consume something inspiring, an anime that makes me cry, a song that gets me excited, a book that reminds me that I have work to do.

Once I feel inspired in any which way from doing something passive, I use that trick I mentioned about focus to resist the urge to judge myself or not yet achieving certain things.

I focus on the fact that I have had tiny victories, and if I can't find them, I make a game out of it. Play.

I poke holes in a plastic bag or rub my feet against the wall just because it's a sensation I don't have every day. Play.

I do some chores just to check things off my imaginary "list of things to do". Also play.

I make a list of people I want to catch up with. Play.

I throw some things away to see how much I can rid of. Play.

I imagine what I can do if bitcoin shoots up in value this year like it does every four years, how much I will cash out and what I will do with the money. Play.

I face my fears, and image what I will do if everything falls apart. I try to imagine the best possible backup plan if I suddenly lose all my income. Also play, so long as I don't get stuck in fear.

And if fear does come up, I try to be ok with it. Play!

I go to the pet store because dogs and cats are cute and fun. Play.

I find myself frustrated that they are stuck in cages but realize I'm pretty much powerless to do anything about that. I try to change my focus to whatever positive aspects of the situation I can find. PLAY!

We could get into the science of the brain and how dopamine works but none of that is necessary to build thought processes that create an upward spiral of emotion. This gist is this:

Feeling better is a game, and we function a lot better when we get addicted to this game, because if we aren't, we end up addicted to feeling worse.

Depression is just that. An addiction to feeling bad. Maybe it's because we find comfort in avoiding our own agency. Maybe we are hurt and are lashing out at anything that may have caused it. Maybe we have come to believe some things that don't serve us.

But if we can become addicted to feeling bad, we can become addicted to feeling good. At a very shallow level that can manifest as an addiction to cheap pleasures, but if we understand what gives us a sense of purpose and meaning and fulfilment, we can become addicted to those things to.

So just ask yourself...what is the easiest possible way to make myself feel even a little bit better right now. And push yourself to do it. And then ask yourself again, and then push yourself to do it, until it becomes a habit, and you don't even need to think about it.

Untangled Knots / I+Everything

I revived my old youtube channel and now I'm posting some motivational clips like the one below. The channel is about exploring the inner and outer worlds.

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