The Sex Lives Of African Women

This is one brilliantly compelled non-fiction I might not be able to get off my mind in a very long while. It is one of those contributions to African culture and Literature that is deeply and wholeheartedly inspiring especially to women.

The conversation of sex has always been seen as a taboo. If you talk about sex too much as a woman you're seen as too loose and wayward which is why this book is very essential.

"The Sex Lives of African Women" is a collection of short stories of women of different sexualities, race, and beliefs on their journey to freedom, healing, sexual satisfaction, discovery, and passion.

These stories are essential to tell, because they are not only compelling and liberating, but also encourage African women into understanding that they can be true to themselves sexually, and that their sexual needs are not filthy.

"The Sex Lives of African Women", is an anthology of thirty two stories.
The stories are further segmented into three broad categories under Self discovery, freedom, and healing.

I learnt so many things from this book. An average African woman, especially the Muslim women, are expected to be conservative, and quiet about their needs.
It is not talked about how often sexual satisfaction in both marriages, situationships, and relationships are only centered on pleasing men and not the women.
Which is why, the boldness and courage that these women had in sharing their experiences, would always be valued by the younger generation of women, who are still figuring out how much their sexuality is important to them.

When I began this book, particularly the prologue, I worried about the fact that it might become too monotonous and boring, and only focus on self-help advise, which I must add, has always been viewed as deeply irrelevant by me especially when it relates to sexual matters.
It's always amusing when people do not understand that sexuality is discovered by the individuals themselves, and that I do not need a hundred paged quote teaching me what they feel should be my sexuality.

However, I did not expect the richness in diversity of the stories.
All of the sexual experiences had me thinking deeply about how diverse the world is when it comes to sex.
Most women naviage knowing themselves, without truly understanding that sex can help them discover themselves.

Humans are sexual being no matter how sacred we try to make the subject of sex, and for heterosexual and lesbian relationships, women have always been the gatekeepers of sex.
It is important to understand why, as a woman, you're a gatekeeper.
You have a right to your fantasies, to exploring, different kinds of sex, different contexts where sex can come in, and understanding on what spectrum of sexual identity you actually enjoy sex.

There's even a story where a disabled woman discusses her inability to connect sexually because of her disability. These are things that are not talked about enough, and I'm glad the author deemed it fit to share the experience of that particular woman.

Furthermore, I loved how much the author did not exclude the issue of gender-based violence.
Although women are the gatekeepers of sex, "patriarchal environments", have always made women feel like they do not have a right to their bodies.

At most ten of these stories, begin with a trigger warning highlighting experiences of rape, sexual assault, or even both. I must say, these stories where disturbing to read. African women have over time associated non-consensual sex to submission. They feel it is okay to give up sex to a man when you do not feel like, or even when it goes against your body.

I am very glad the stories in this book were shared.
Sure, those stories carried certain vulnerabilities and fears, but they were fascinating, and enlightening, and good for the average African/Black woman.

It would be difficult to go further with this review without detailing spoilers, and it would go against my wish of wanting you to relish the experience of reading this book for the first time.
I deeply recommend this book for any African woman out there who is figuring out her sexuality.
It is a must read.