Well, I'm happy to say that after a very, very dark winter, I feel as though I'm starting to pull myself out of my hole of depression.
I think this winter was particularly hard due to uncertainly. I was uncertain about pretty much everything I was doing. Well, I was certain that I hated my job; and that I needed to quit. I did that, and now, a few weeks later, I'm finally starting to feel a little better.
As people who suffer from mental illness can most likely relate to, I entered that exceptionally special version of depression where I did not want to show my face in public. I would be social at work, or when I had to; but once I was home, it was "don't leave the bedroom" status for me. This became my comfortable place throughout the winter. I stopped going snowboarding on my days off from work. If I did go, it was somewhere isolated, where I was sure to see no one else. I stopped responding to my friends and family. I withdrew, completely, from the person I was and the community I was a part of.
For whatever reason, I woke up this morning with a "fuck you" kind of attitude. That's not "fuck you" in any sort of disrespectful way, but meaning, I'm not going to keep wallowing away in my apartment miserable and alone. I guess my "fuck you" is kind of like a "fuck me" too. I feel motivated to go out and be the best person I can be. Whatever that is. Uncertainty is still a HUGE part of my present and future at the moment. I have no idea when I will be able to resume my marriage plans(that were interrupted due to border closures recently), and I have no idea what I'm going to do from now until then. But, all I've got to say about that is... "fuck you". Which means, I'll figure it out.
I've always wanted to become self-employed in one way or another. My issue is, I can't figure out what I can do. Obviously, I want to write, but you need financial support to get started. You can't just spend months writing a novel and then months waiting for a response, without another source of income. So, I've been trying to figure out a way to support myself for long enough to try to get a figurative foot in the door for my writing.
I've been toying with the concept of starting a clothing brand. I know it sounds so... typical, but it's something I believe I could do really well. I have a good eye for design in general. I'm good at marketing- especially in these days where many small businesses gain traction through use of things such as social media. I feel very confident in my ability to make something that will gain support and that I am genuinely proud of- but I also want to do it right, which means it will take me some time. I want to figure out the best places to source from; ethically and financially. I know the common thought is those two things are mutually exclusive, but I think I can find some people to work with. I have plenty of small brand owners I look up to, and I know that they'd be willing to talk with me a little bit about it.
There's a lot of moving parts on that front that I won't get too into. Among others things, because I still don't know if that's the direction I want to go. It would be a big investment. It would be a lot easier for me to pull the trigger on it if things had worked out and I was in Chile at this moment preparing for my wedding. It's a very scary time for me to be making any big decisions. My partner and I still need to start our life together, and we still don't know what kind of unexpected hurdles we will need to go through financially in terms of visas and things of that nature.
I think part of what has helped me gain some motivation recently is just.. well being outside. A lot. I've been hiking every day and that's been a big help for me. I've gotten WAY out of shape this winter; by far the least in shape I've ever been in my 27 years here on earth. I expected to be in a special kind of hell the morning after my first hike(they haven't exactly been "easy" hikes).
It's not just the hiking, though. It's the way that translates to everything else in my life. Once I get myself up and out of the house, my entire mentality flips. I get motivated to write. I get motivated to create. I get motivated to start thinking about the next stage of my life.
And I get motivated to do all those things that only people with serious mental health issues can relate to. I get motivated to take care of my apartment. Do laundry. Pick my clothes up off the floor. Make coffee. Take out the trash. Cook and eat well. You know... what "normal" people have no problem doing. Maybe that's my "fuck you". Is "you know what? I can be a functional person as well"
I'm ranting about this because this series is not only a source of therapy for me, but I also choose to publish these because I hope that I can in some way help others dealing with similar mental health problems.
The weather here as of late has been beautiful. The snow is all gone, except for the manmade streaks on the mountain I can see through my living room window at the moment, as I sit here drinking coffee and listening to Saada Bonaire. I'm getting excited to get out and skate, bike, things like that. Take my dog to the water.
And I'm also really excited to go snowboarding a few more times before they finally decide to pull the plug on the mountain. I have been motivated by the SkateHive community ran by @knowhow92 to start something similar for snowboarding. And skiing I suppose. I love what he's doing with that community, and I think it's an amazing idea. It reminds me what the blockchain can do for the youth and neglected "misfit" communities in general.
The communities I have been a part of; skateboarders, snowboarders, artists, musicians, punks, geeks, cooks, dweebs, writers, tattoo artists; the list goes on and on- weirdos, misfits, rejects; have always been filled with extremely smart, creative and talented individuals who simply find the monotonies of day to day "normal" life boring. And more often than not, these communities are filled with people who are not financially well off nor supported. They work jobs that allow them to "get by" so they can focus on what they want to do. That doesn't really allow any room for financial growth; which would allow them to focus their energies on their artwork in the future.
Using HIVE as an example, blockchain can really help kids like this. Kids that can't get solid footing in life. The kids packing in 12 people into a 3 bedroom house(I think my record was a house in Salt Lake City; we had 27 people living in a 4 bedroom house at one point). If all those kids could actually gain some real support for their creative outlets, it would open a lot of doors for their future. I'm sure anyone on here knows this so I won't say more but, anyways; I would like to bring the same energy and opportunities that @knowhow92 has provided for skateboarders to the snowboard culture as well.
This all might sound silly from the viewpoint of a typical person's impression of what the winter industry is like. Yes, it is an elitist, expensive, capitalistic industry that is overly expensive and greedy.
However, especially when you grow up in rural snowy areas; it's not really like that for all. That's what you see on TV. In media. In the parking lots at your local resort. Skiing and snowboarding has become even more unaffordable for our generations. Which means kids need to find loopholes. Kids start snowboarding and skiing in their backyards. They watch videos and source inspiration from them. They take that inspiration to go try to mimick it in any way they can. The park(I guess what the typical person would call "freestyle") community is filled with misfits looking to get on snow without any sort of money. It's filled with small companies barely scraping by because they're supporting so much younger kids. Free equipment is a dime a dozen these days. Sponsorships exist everywhere. The typical sponsored snowboarder has dozens of ways to give out free equipment- regardless of how broken or fucked up it is. I think I rode strictly broken snowboards for about a decade. I had a boot lace holding my binding together for a full year.
This is the point I always reach where I understand I'm not starting to ramble far too much about something in a place it's not meant for. I'll save it for the community. I tried to create it just now, but I will have to wait for my next rewards. Realizing I had to wait was what inspired me to write a 10,000 hours post instead.
Just one post, so that I can go get outside, and find some motivation for more things to write about. I'm really loving becoming involved in this community again. It's been a slow re-introduction but, it's coming along. The motivation I found today, I hope, will translate into a lot more interaction here. Not just with my own writing, but continuing to try to make connections.
I will say I am noticing a drastic improvement on that front. I remember when almost no one replied to comments, save for a few accounts. It's so nice here to actually receive a response when trying to reach out or encourage people here. It's a BIG difference from what I've experienced in the past.
Wishing well to you and yours, always <3
Herbert
Congratulations @herbertholmes2! You have completed the following achievement on the Hive blockchain and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :
Your next target is to reach 400 replies.
You can view your badges on your board and compare yourself to others in the Ranking
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word
STOPCheck out the last post from @hivebuzz:
Support the HiveBuzz project. Vote for our proposal!
I'm glad to hear your feeling better and even more so that you found something that helps you in that respect - going outside. And communities. I agree it is nice to get connects on your posts and then interact. That's what blogging is about.
Thank you! It's been a weird year. I'm normally constantly outside; whether by choice or not. I'm sure this year has been weird for us all, but I never expected it to go in the direction it did.
And I agree. I'm really hoping to make more connections! I love being here and I truly appreciate you always reading my rants!
Writing is medicine as natural as any other. I'm glad you were able to use it to your advantage. This morning I just got done with about two months of night shift with only 5 days off. I was too tired to write. Now my body has begun its adjustment to day shift hours.
I don't know how you feel, but I can relate at least slightly. Going outside is great. The air is sweet; the light is intoxicating. I picked up my kids from school, and when we got home, we ran to the backyard, laid on the grass, and looked up into the sky. Sometimes the light is in more places than at the end of a tunnel. Sometimes it's in the eyes of strangers or in the sky itself.
Have a great day and enjoy your journey. Until next time!
Oh, I loved your post!
Thank you! Sorry for the late reply, it's been a busy couple of days. I really appreciate you reading my post!
I have a very unpopular opinion on going outside; I don't like the sun hahaha. I'm a big fog/mist/light rain kinda person. Even heavy rain, I have to admit. I've always felt so weird saying that but the older I get the more true it becomes. It's a joke among my friends that they'll only see me out and about if the weather's bad haha.
I mean, that's to be taken with a grain of salt. Of course I do like some sun. I just can't deal with those cloudless days. It's so plain and boring to me. But I'm very aware how strange of a sentiment that is haha.
I hope you get some writing in now with the change in shifts :) I can only imagine how difficult it must be with children. I lose my train of thought every time my dog barks(which is frequent, considering we're surrounded by over 100 apartment units).
Love to you and yours <3 thank you again for your words!
You're very welcome. Love to you and yours as well. I'm off of night shift now after two months. I spent most of the weekend sleeping and I'm glad I'm over the transition now.
Thanks for the shout out man! I too find writing and creating content a "therapy"! I always feel good after sharing a post and I too am REALLY out of shape these days! Guess I need to step up my exercice game too!
About the snowboarding community, @ervin-lemark has created a Freestyle community for snowboarding/skiing so maybe you can get in touch with him and talk about it!
As you said, extreme sports are getting too expensive for the average kid out there and Hive is definitely a way to make some money for doing what you love!
For example, look at @tomig! He's 14 and he's got more than 250$ in crypto! Who else can make 250$ for sharing skateboarding at the age of 14? Hive has huge potential so let's try and utilize this blockchain and help every skater/snowboarder/extreme sport lover out there!
Cheers dude!
No problem man! To be honest discovering there were skateboarders on HIVE now was a big draw for me. I got along with a few people on Steemit for interest in punk music, macabre art and film but I was always feeling like there was something lacking in terms of people my age into things such as skating and just being a little weird in general.
Yeah, it's pretty crazy. I was fortunate to be able to get away with skating and riding for free pretty much my whole life. Recently, as an "adult", I have a friend with a small local skate/snow shop and I try to support him. I am blown away by the prices of things. I guess I always took having sponsored friends and other ways to get free things for granted.
I can't wait to check out @ervin-lemark 's community! I just got back online after a busy couple of days. I just gave him and his kid a follow and plan to hop on over there later and check it out- maybe even post something.
All the snow's melted, and we're pulling the park features(snow) off the hill this evening. Which means, skate content comin for you ASAP !
That you so much for opening up like this, I really appreciate it.
Two things first:
@tipu curate
Upvoted 👌 (Mana: 11/22) Liquid rewards.
I’m glad to hear you’ve been out hiking a lot man! Sometimes all to be done in this time of year between the snow melting and the other stuff starting to grow and bloom. Some of my favorite hikes are around this time, the animals and birds are exceptionally vibrant and happy to get out and about so it’s nice.
If you end up starting a clothing company, do let me know! I’ll definitely buy something from you. I actually just bought 3 shirts from a guy I’ve been listening to his podcast for years and him and his wife started their own company. They source American made cotton and all hand printed stuff. It’s some great stuff and I think they might help with manufacturers of the local cotton and that type of stuff if you are interested. I’m sure your local guys will have their info too so just food for thought, no pressure or obligation!
The skate community in here is really something that’s growing well, I love it! I think we can get other groups started up as well with that related stuff. The artists, skaters and those people do tend to be a little bit of misfits but that’s okay. Society needs them more than we need more 9-5 office workers if you ask me!
Oh I couldn't agree more. I'm not sure I'll ever give up the hope of living a life other than that.
Hiking around this time of year is really great. I love it. My only issue is is that it's absurdly muddy around here. It's not a problem for me, but it's obnoxious with the dog. But that's really my only complaint. I have to remember to get as much in as I can now before it becomes 90 humid and swarmed with bugs.
I'll let you know for sure! It's probably gonna be awhile. I was thinking of doing a single item for now to raise funds but I'm still uncertain about what it would be.. I'd like to make it be something unique and that I'm proud of. And if I need some help down the line, I'll drop you a line for sure! Thanks man!