I greet and appreciate every hive user out there! People say “experience is the best teacher “and I think if I frame up stories and say my thoughts, I won’t be able to picture or understand the situation of those in a toxic relationship. So I decided to tell a non-fictional story.
So... she met this man who was literally everything she wanted in a future spouse; he was romantic, apologetic, caring and appeared God-fearing. Back then all she wanted was to make money and pursue academic goals, so dating was the last thing on her mind. The guy obviously did not begin their whole conversation with the aim of dating her but went ahead to love, care and help her pursue her academic goals…..a reason she entered the relationship.
He was really not too rich but had the financial capacity to fend for two, so he made her move in with him and stopped her from any sort of work with the excuse that he will provide and didn’t want any sort of academic distraction for her.
Despite the loving attributes he portrayed she noticed he was a dictator and began to make sexual advances at her, while they were not married. Meanwhile, she believed that was just his imperfection and with time he would change…..a reason for remaining in that relationship.
No doubt, he was paying her fees while in the tertiary institution and took maximum care of her but he became possessive and did not allow her to associate with anybody of the male gender, he began to tell people they were dating and they need to respect the fact.
Maybe it’s nothing but protection, she thought to herself. He took a step further by trying to have sex with her and whenever she refused he would remind her of all the good things he had done for her and tell her that she could never pay him back. As a girl with conscience, she would let him have his way despite the fact that it was against her will.
Just before I continue the story, I would like to chip in my definition of a toxic relationship. A toxic relationship is a relationship that endangers one’s physical life, kills one’s self esteem, hurts one’s emotions and cause one to continuously go against one’s will. Now back to the story.
The man became less of all his positive attributes and became more demanding, forgetting that she still has school to cope with. He would try to have sex with her at wrong times severally, and whenever she declined, he will beat her and rape her, still reminding her that she can never pay back all the god things he has done and will do for her.
She became to feel terrible to feel really terrible and fed up but whenever she remembers all that the guy had done for her…….a reason she remained in that toxic relationship, she felt she would be nothing but an ingrate.
The whole thing continued till her final year in the university, when she was forced to commit the sixth abortion within a period of three years. The doctor warned that the last one could endanger her life and she could lose her womb but all the fool wanted was a sex machine. She became mentally unstable and a little withdrawn, this caused people to advise her and check up on her but she always felt that even if she decides to walk out of the dead zone, she had no family, no money, no womb and no one would want a lady without worth (a feeling of low or no self-worth)…….. Another reason for remaining in a toxic relationship.
She was able to scale through the university and focused on her man at home, who made her a domestic slave and a sex machine. He stopped her from applying at any vacancy, claiming she was nothing but a full house girl.
I actually happened to be a sister to one of her female friends, who heard the man on a call with her while she went to pay her a visit in her house. She cried and told my sister to help her before she dies.
She was broken and could not speak to anyone about it. My sister told me everything as a counsellor and by God’s grace we were able to help her out with the steps below:
STEP 1: Pack out of the house to any friends place: this would reduce the physical torture and negative words from the person.
STEP 2: Say everything to God as HE is not a man and will understand better.
STEP 3: Try to forgive and let go. This is usually hard but God helps.
STEP 4: write, paste and read out positive things about yourself around your environs. E.g. I am beautifully and wonderfully made. It would help your mental mind subconsciously.
STEP 5: Get busy. You can apply for a job at vacancies. It reduces useless thought, as they say “an idle man is the devils workshop”.
STEP 6: Try to regain your self-esteem. No longer look down on yourself.
STEP 7: Speak to a trusted individual about the whole thing. You can go ahead to report to the police.
Lastly, please try to say NO to anything against your will and remember YOU ARE A TREASURE.