The Mouse Burglar

The two men double checked the intricate molding, crystal lamps, and plush pillows of the room for hidden security cameras. Then the smaller of the two removed a screwdriver from a hidden pocket in his dress trousers.

He quickly unfastened the cover from the ventilation shaft, and they both entered with surprising speed and agility.

"Jed! Must you take that stinkin' cheese everywhere?" whispered the smaller man.

Jed chuckled. "Yes, but I always make sure the container is closed. How long have we been working together, Ned?"

Ned wrinkled his nose. "One year and three days - the longest year of my life, by the way. And it doesn't help to keep the cheese in the container. Not when I can smell it on your breath from here. I hate cheese. Honestly I wouldn't mind so much if you didn't leave it behind, though."

Jed fished around in his shirt pocket, moving like a ferret in a tunnel. He produced a mint and popped it in his mouth, grinning. "During that year we've stolen over five million euros worth of jewels and art. Have we ever come close to being caught?"

Ned grunted. "No. But somehow I thought one of the world's greatest cat burglars would be more... professional."

Jed froze. "I told you a hundred times. Never call me that! I'm the Mouse Burglar. That's why I leave cheese in place of the loot."

Ned sighed. "What is it with you and cats? They're just tiny little balls of fur. Why do you hate them?"

Jed crunched down hard on the mint. "I don't want to talk about it. Let's just do the job."

Ned stopped crawling through the air vent shaft, causing Jed's forehead to connect solidly with the sole of his shoe. "No, Jed. This cat fixation is what led to you leaving evidence behind. It puts me at risk, so I think I have a right to know."

Jed rubbed his forehead. "Hey, watch it! You could've knocked me out."

Ned slid into a reclining position. "Talk. I'm not moving until you do, and you can't crawl backwards all that easy."

Jed swallowed the bits of mint. "A cat caused my dad to fall eight stories. He scaled the side of the building, and opened the window. A cat was dozing in the windowsill, and it woke up just as he put his head in. It hissed and scratched, and he fell back. When he woke up three weeks later in the prison hospital, they told him landing in the dumpster saved his life."

Ned nodded. "Now I understand the cat part. I still don't see the need for the cheese, though. Let's get this over with. If we don't meet Lady Cononnelle before midnight we're going to have to find a fence for this thing. And I hate fences."

The two men continued to crawl, until they emerged in a luxurious sitting room. Jed removed a small black pouch from under his shirt. "The safe is supposed to be under the sofa, in a secret compartment in the floor. The ring is either there or in the dining room. Hidden in food in the refrigerator. You check the dining room, while I open the safe."

They split up, and began their search.

Ned began to dig through the contents of the refrigerator. "Ah! Here you are, my beauty! Jed is going to love that you were hidden in a block of cheese. Thank you Mr. Terrel for your story about your broken tooth."

As he removed the ring, his arm brushed against the milk. "Ah!" he shouted, as it splashed both him and the floor.

Both the open carton of milk and the ring clattered to the floor.

Ned walked across the room, and grabbed a handful of paper towels. He dried himself quickly, and turned just in time to see a mouse tugging mightily on the ring. Before he could react, it gained momentum and scurried into a small crack in the wall.

He cursed under his breath as he entered the sitting room. "Jed, we have a problem! I dropped the blasted ring, and a MOUSE carted it off into the wall."

Jed replaced the cover on the secret compartment. "That's not cool, man. I shared something very personal, and you're trying to turn it into a joke. Did you find it or not?"

Ned sighed. "I'm telling you the truth. The ring was hidden in a block of cheddar. I guess the smell caused the mouse to want it."

Jed put the little pouch away. "Alright. I'll look for something we can use to enlarge the opening. You see if you can reach the ring."

Ned returned, and stretched out on the floor. He made his hand as small as possible, and managed to work it into the crack. After feeling around, he felt the ring under his palm.

"Got it!" he called out.

There was no response.

He tried to pull his hand back through, again making it as small as possible. "Ned! I've got it, but I need help. I'm stuck."

Still no response.

Ned began to thrash and pull without success. Then he heard a female voice. "I feel awful for making you leave so early. Are you sure you wouldn't like to go back to the party? I'll be fine, I just need to lie down in a dark room for a while."

A deep male voice replied. "No Dear, to be honest I was bored out of my skull. I'd much rather have a glass of milk and a good book."

A few seconds later, the door opened. "Nina! Call the police, there's a man in here. You're not going to believe this."

The couple stood and watched in fascination until the authorities and paramedics arrived.

A short time later, an officer handed Nina a gleaming ring. "We found this in the suspect's hand, Ma'am. Does it belong to you?"

She nodded. "Yes, thank you for returning it, Sir. I wonder how all of this happened... the man kept shouting that he hates cheese and mice."

The officer chuckled. "I want to hear that story too. Thought I'd seen everything."

As Ned was being escorted from the room, Jed watched through the keyhole of the door of the maintenance supply room. In his left hand was the hammer which could have freed his partner.

After they left, he opened the container of cheese, and took a bite. "I wonder if he'll call himself the Mousetrap Burglar and leave mousetraps behind when he gets out..."

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