You begin this story very well. You introduce the character, also well. Conflict, essential in a story, is strong. The one thing that would improve the story is a resolution. You prepare the readers so well for a dramatic conclusion that there is a little disappoint when that doesn't come.

In your next story, which we hope to read, build it up the way you do here, and then offer readers a satisfying conclusion.

Thank you for sharing this dramatic, engaging story with the Ink Well community. Please be aware that we expect our writers to support each other. They do that by reading and commenting on at least two stories. Thank you!

Keep writing!