A simple story of perseverance that leads to eventual success. Nicely written but watch out for issues with incorrect tenses in your piece. Also, consider developing your story more next time and adding more tension so that you draw the reader in and hold their attention as they wonder what might happen next. eg: you could have used Bright's addiction to nicotine not simply as the story but as the tell-tale give-away in an intriguing story of betrayal or 'whodunnit' crime caper. You write well. Now think next level about how you can add layers to your story development :-)