Whisky with death
3 years ago in The Ink Well by sonofremi (56)
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Greetings, @sonofremi.
Thank you for posting @theinkwell your story.
Please pay attention to the images you reproduce. It is essential that you make proper use of the images and that these are free to use.
Great! Can you please also update your source link? It is still pointing to the copyrighted image on istock. Thanks very much for doing your best to comply with our rules. They are not difficult rules, but they are important.
Thank you, @sonofremi. We know you are trying hard to comply with the rules and we very much appreciate it. But the image you are using is still not free to use. istock is not a license-free site. If you click on that image on the page you provided, you will see that the image appears with pricing and with "istock" watermarks printed on the image.
The three best sites for license-free images are Pixabay, Pexels, and Unsplash.
Also, please provide a direct link to the actual image you use. Your link goes to an istock page, not to the specific image you chose. Thank you! Once you get used to doing things the right way, you will always do it that way.
Thank you for fixing your image!
Hello @sonofremi,
Pixabay images that have a watermark on them are not free (if it says iStock). This can be confusing but only the images that are designated as free can be used without restriction. There are also great images available on unsplash. I understand Pexels has free images, but have never used this source myself. I have read your story and will be happy to comment once you have switched the image out.
Thank you very much!
A very complex narrative, interesting nevertheless. Really creative the way you move through the different stages of William's life. Reminds me of Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol.
In your story, we are made to see the consequences of the decision William made in order to acquire material wealth and fame. Not only did his life get ruined in the end, Aday, his love interest, also paid with her life.
However, there are inconsistencies in your use of tenses. Also, your dialogues seem to be jam-packed, thus making it somewhat difficult to grasp.
Not much errors, though. But you could put some spaces after most of your dialogue tags before continuing the next line of action.
Then, here are some things I can readily point out:
In the above, you didn't put the dialogue in inverted commas.
It would sound much better if you say "her eyes dilated, and turned red."
The right verb to use above will be "bit"
Hi @sonofremi. This story really captured my attention. You have quite an imagination. It's not easy to go forward and back in time within a short story, but you did it well.
You will find that you receive feedback from The Ink Well admins and the community which can help your writing style. We are all on a journey, as writers! Keep writing!