Thank you for sharing your story in The Ink Well, @sonofremi and @miles101. It's quite the adventure, with a dose of fantasy and sci fi.
Be sure to read and comment on the work of other writers in The Ink Well. We ask that everyone posting in our community take the time to read and comment on at least two other writers' stories each week, or two stories for every story published in The Ink Well. Thank you!
Hi @sonofremi and @miles101. I enjoyed your story. It takes many twists and turns! The story premise about the girls rescuing Mary Jane's father from a coma by entering his mind with the help of Trevor's technology is really inspired!
I do have some feedback for you. I highly recommend that you take some time to do a final edit before you publish your stories, so you can find and fix errors. We have some tips that might help you in our article, Help for the Grammatically Challenged in our catalog of fiction writing tips. It describes how to use Google docs to draft your content, which helps you to find many errors in grammar and spelling.
This is such an interesting, well-plotted story. In a story this long it's easy for the writer to lose the thread and get caught up in side issues. That didn't happen here. The arc, the narrative stream, is clear from beginning to end.
I was intrigued by the treatment of consciousness and concerned as the story progressed about the fate of the children. The father had such unpleasant memories that there existed a risk he might not want to come back. But the present, and his love for his daughter, won out. I do love happy endings (why not? life is so very hard sometimes).
As @jayna noted, the proofreading issues can mar a story that is really good. It's like looking at a beautiful sculpture with dust on it. We are distracted from the beauty. When I write, it takes me much, much longer to edit than to draft the original version. Those little mistakes creep in.
I can tell you enjoyed writing this. That's the best part of writing, what it gives us as authors. Keep writing!
Mad!!
Thank you for sharing your story in The Ink Well, @sonofremi and @miles101. It's quite the adventure, with a dose of fantasy and sci fi.
Be sure to read and comment on the work of other writers in The Ink Well. We ask that everyone posting in our community take the time to read and comment on at least two other writers' stories each week, or two stories for every story published in The Ink Well. Thank you!
Hi @sonofremi and @miles101. I enjoyed your story. It takes many twists and turns! The story premise about the girls rescuing Mary Jane's father from a coma by entering his mind with the help of Trevor's technology is really inspired!
I do have some feedback for you. I highly recommend that you take some time to do a final edit before you publish your stories, so you can find and fix errors. We have some tips that might help you in our article, Help for the Grammatically Challenged in our catalog of fiction writing tips. It describes how to use Google docs to draft your content, which helps you to find many errors in grammar and spelling.
Keep writing!
This is such an interesting, well-plotted story. In a story this long it's easy for the writer to lose the thread and get caught up in side issues. That didn't happen here. The arc, the narrative stream, is clear from beginning to end.
I was intrigued by the treatment of consciousness and concerned as the story progressed about the fate of the children. The father had such unpleasant memories that there existed a risk he might not want to come back. But the present, and his love for his daughter, won out. I do love happy endings (why not? life is so very hard sometimes).
As @jayna noted, the proofreading issues can mar a story that is really good. It's like looking at a beautiful sculpture with dust on it. We are distracted from the beauty. When I write, it takes me much, much longer to edit than to draft the original version. Those little mistakes creep in.
I can tell you enjoyed writing this. That's the best part of writing, what it gives us as authors. Keep writing!