Loving Reno

She met him first at the psychiatrist's clinic, and that was probably the best thing that happened to her that day.

She was moping at that time about her best friend, who dumped her. Her boy best friend in fact.

"Sorry, Hel, I—I just can't see myself loving you that way... You're just a friend to me. I loved you as a friend, a—and I think I can't love you more than that," he said while looking down. He tried to reach out for her hand, but she slapped his hands away.

Tears just mercilessly fell down her cheeks, and the more she let herself cry, the more her pathetic ego got crushed.

"B—but that night you said—", she spluttered.

"God... Hel, that was a mistake. I know no amount of apologies can undo it, so let's just pretend it didn't happen," he said without hesitation.

'Pretend? Bullshit.', she thought while trying to stare into his eyes.

Eyes that once made her feel special—eyes that she once admired. But now she can't see them because the endless stream of tears has blurred her vision.

Not that it matters.

"Is it because of her?"

"No... No, Hel—I just can't see you other than being my friend, so let's just forget that happened. That means nothing to me—

"But it does mean something for me, Jaime!", she snapped. "Those moments meant something! I know they have to be. Why can't it just be me? Why her? I can be like her if you want. I can—"

She didn't finished what she was going to say when he grabbed her by the shoulder. It was a little painful, but that didn't hurt her, instead it was the intensity of the fury in his eyes that did. It's not the first time she saw him like this, but being the one he had loathed at this intensity was something she hadn't experienced.

"Hel, listen. I loved you as a friend... But saying that I can love you more than that is a lie, and I don't want to lie again... I—I lied that night. You are the best friend I ever had, so I can't lie to you anymore. So please, Hel...", he said in a controlled voice

She stared at him in shock for a moment, then tears sprang free from her eyes once more.

"B—but you said..."

"Hel! Please... Stop. Don't make me hate you," he said in a louder voice while gripping her shoulder tighter than he intended to.

He then realized what he was doing, so he unclasped his hands from her shoulder.

"I'm so sorry, Hel... Damn. Why do we need to end up like this?", he weakly muttered in a pained voice.

The moment he turned his back and walked away, she crumpled down the floor. That day, she cried as if her world had ended.

And in some ways, it did.

Another memory came, and it was about him—not Jaime, but the man who made her experience another kind of love.

"Are you okay, ma'am?", he asked politely.

She frowned.

'Stupid question. I wouldn't be here if I'm okay', she thought while staring at him dryly.

The man seemed to have read her mind, for he quickly apologized for what he had said.

"By the way, ma'am, I am Reno," he said while stretching his right hand for a handshake.

She stared at him as if he were joking.

"The name's not ma'am. I'm Hel," she said in a fake, serious voice.

"Oh, I didn't mean that way, Miss Hel, I mean—"

She laughed at him. It's been a long time since the last time she'd laughed genuinely. His expression was just hilarious, and she finds it really amusing.

He smiled at her genuinely, and seeing that stopped her laughter. That smile looks like his. And she was uncomfortable seeing it once again.

"So you're here for an appointment with Dr. Tevuera... Just wait for a few moment because she's still handling a patient," he said while peering down at the small notebook.

For a few more minutes, they stayed silent, but seconds later, Reno broke it with a question.

"So—so why are you here, Miss Hel?"

Hel almost smiled a little when she heard a hint of nervousness in his voice. Then suddenly, an idea came to her.

'I guess a little teasing wouldn't hurt'

"You're new, right? Did you know that you're not allowed to ask patients about that? I could—

She stopped when she noticed that the man was about to burst with apologies.

"Jeez... You're hilarious," she said before cracking up.

He looked at her in bewilderment, and that moment became the highlight of her day.

It was the day she met Reno—the man she loved for the rest of her life.

_Source

That meeting paved the way for the things she never expected she'd experience with someone she just abruptly knew.

His late-night calls seemed to have worked much better than the pills that her psychiatrist had given her.

He helped her collect the broken pieces of her miserable self—and piece by piece, she learned how to rebuild herself again.

She experienced loving again, but this time she's certain that it won't be a blind ambition, for it's the right person.

It's Reno.

His charming smile, his contagious laughter, his cringy quips, his lovely voice—she loved everything about him.

"Georgia, wrap me up in all your~", he sang melodiously with his baritone voice.

She jokingly frowned and pinched his cheeks.

"Georgia? Who's Georgia? Is that the name of the new patient you're flirting with?", she said as she turned her back on him.

He grabbed gently her arms, "Yep—", he jokingly said. "Hey wait! Wait! I'm just joking."

She turned around and smiled at him fiendishly. He chuckled loudly as she wrapped him in her arms and tickled his neck.

"You naughty woman! Stay away from me!", he said loudly in between his laughter.

'God, please let this last forever', she thought.

He looked at her tenderly and continued to sing.

"I want ya in my arms... Oh, let me hold ya~ I'll never let you go again like I did... Oh, I used to say—

She placed the purple chrysanthemums on the foot of his tombstone.

It's been a year since he left her. He battled with his long-term illness silently. In those blissful months, she didn't notice him acting like he was enduring something.

He helped her find herself back—the self that was once buried with insecurities and heartaches she had experienced. Loving him made her love herself back, and it was a joyous experience.

She wiped his tombstone lovingly, as if she were caressing the man she loved. She let out a deep breath and sat down near it.

"Hello Reno, it's me, Hel. Do you want me to sing for you?", she asked jokingly in an attempt to cheer herself up. But that became a lousy attempt because the moment she read his name on the tombstone, a tear escaped from her eye, and she hastily wiped it.

Loving Reno was a life-changing experience for her because it made her realize that her blind ambition to be loved fervently made her into something she was not.

But in the end, he helped her recover the self that she once lost because he knew he couldn't fix his.

She smiled at his tombstone.

_Source

'It isn't about the guy choosing me, but me picking myself—thanks for reminding me that, Reno.'