Love is a beautiful thing, and it is expected to be enjoyed and not endured. I understand that it is the right thing to complement each other's attitudes or behaviors to enjoy the relationship between two lovers. But there are times when it becomes unbearable, a time when you can no longer endure the excesses of one's partner.
I have listened to my friends's laments about some things they don't like about their partners, and it's like the complaint is never-ending. I believe no one is perfect, so there will surely be some loopholes that one has to fill up with love, patience, and understanding, but what if one can't cope with them anymore? This prompt reminded me of a relationship I was once in with a guy, which was expected to turn out well, but the reverse was the case.
This particular guy is a handsome young man with a good educational background as a mechanical engineer. Looking at him, you would think nothing could ever be wrong with this guy. We started the relationship, and it was as smooth as sailing on the surface of the water.
To keep a relationship going, we had to adjust for each other's sake, blending my upbringing with his just to make the relationship work out, but he had some habits that always set my teeth on edge. In the beginning, I was coping with them, thinking that when I told him I didn't like those things, he would drop them.
The first habit I dislike is that he talks too much. Oh my! I never believed talking carelessly or endlessly was something I detested until I met him. I guess I never knew because I haven't met someone like him. He just didn't know when to stop, and that pisses me off all the time.
One day I decided to talk to him about it because I felt he wasn't changing because he didn't know I disliked such an attitude. So if I told him, he would surely change for love, but no, it was inbuilt, which is very funny.
"Babe, you have to take it easy when you talk; it's not everything you'll respond to; you have to know when to stop. Be reserved; let people wonder what you have in mind instead of pouring out all your heart to people who might use your words against you later," I said to him one afternoon when we were together.
"So what are you trying to say?" he asked, looking at me with a bombastic side-eye.
I smiled and said, Minimize the way you talk; it will help a lot. Be reserved.".
"In short, I'm talkative, right? Is that what you are saying? I talk too much, no problem," he said angrily.
"I'm sorry if that hits the wrong spot, but I just have to let you know. I don't like that; it makes me feel uncomfortable," I replied innocently.
"You can't expect everyone to be quiet like you are; that's who I am; take it or leave it," he shouted, standing up angrily.
I sat there wondering what got into him; he wasn't ready to go to correction, and I couldn't deal with such a person. To make the relationship work, I believe both parties must agree.
Another habit he had that set my teeth on edge was his drinking habit. I detest alcohol; it irritates me to the marrow. Although he tried to hide it, he couldn't pretend for long. I always try to come up with solid evidence whenever I want to confront anyone. I pretended to be ignorant about it until I got evidence.
I tried to talk to him about it again, and he gave an unreasonable reply that got me thinking about the relationship. Fortunately, we went out together on one occasion, and he ordered two alcoholic drinks. I watched him gulp every bit of it.
After that event, I decided to talk to him about it. "Babe, I would love to talk to you," I started.
"I'm all ears," he replied.
"I don't like the way you drink; you ordered two alcoholic drinks right in front of me, and you finished them without thinking twice. I'm sure you stopped because you noticed my mood changed; you should have ordered more," I said.
He nodded his head and sighed, then replied, "Must you complain? You complain a lot.".
I knew right there that it was a red flag; he wouldn't listen to corrections, and I couldn't pull up his habits because they always set my teeth on edge. Because of this, we had to go our separate ways.
Thanks for your time, and your comments will be appreciated.
I'll say it's good how you noticed the red flags on time and quickly make your decisions before things get out of hand.
Some people would say maybe after marriage he will or she will change, hmm.
A broken courtship is better than a broken marriage.
Definitely
The smell that often follows the drink is what I cannot cope with. Nobody should see red flags and ignore them. Nice write up!
It makes me feel nauseated
It's obvious that you guys were not compatible for the reasons that you discussed. The best thing is what you have done. It's better to take note of such a red flag and act accordingly.
Exactly
Sometimes we don't need to wait until we are told to leave, once you sense the red flag just pack your back and be on your way..
Exactly
It's interesting. You didn't like his talking and drinking. He didn't like your complaining. You probably did the right thing when you separated. People don't change for other people.
You give some good examples in the piece. This helps to keep our interest. Also, your first line, your hook, is great.
Thank you for sharing this experience with us, @rare-gem.
Thanks for reading.