"Can't anything be done? Life ends with one day besides, what more can I ask for?"
"Remember when we were kids you used to say you wanted to marry her?"
"We were silly, Jhon, but if I had been her age, I would have loved to have something with her."
"I'd better get to bed, I've got a long trip tomorrow," Jhon said, stinging his eyes.
Charlie sat on the porch of his old house, taking a sip of his drink, a very strong drink, He thought about how it had been at least six years since he had been in town and began to remember what life was like when he was a kid.
Charlie was 8 years old when his mother took a job at an airport, something to do with cleaning. Josh, his brother, was not much older than he was. that's when his mother talked to Emma, who lived next door to take care of them during the day since they were working long and hard days, they both went to school in the morning and at noon Emma would receive them at her house. Jhon thought he was a person with strange habits because of the way he dressed and the things he did, this fact was normal since in his mind he was comparing Emma and his mother. However, Charlie had already realized that all people were different, that even if they looked alike in appearance or shared the same tastes and colors they were different. After school, Emma welcomed them warmly into her home. Since she lived alone, the feeling of caring for another person reminded her of when she had her own close by, since her children had long since moved out.
She served them meals, helped them with their homework and even played with them in the garden. All of this she did when her children, Emma, were again feeling that light of love with Charlie and Jhon.
Other people considered Emma eccentric because of her dress and other habits, on sunny days she wore blue gabardine pants with striped button down shirts and colorful hats, she liked strong drinks that men usually drink and tasted vintage wines as a hobby, she listened to music such as jazz, she loved the naturalness and verve of such a group that she described as the soul work of a musician.
In a short time Charlie and Jhon got used to Emma, to her meals, to her games, to her music, they learned a lot of things from her.
After a few years Charlie was already a boy who knew how to take care of himself, almost like a man, but he still visited Emma in the afternoons.
"Mom Emma, how are you today?" said Charlie from the garden.
"Very well son and you?", they gave each other a hug.
"I want to talk to you", he had a worried look on his face.
"Come sit down, I have a cake ready, you can eat it and tell me everything."
Charlie talked to him about what his life would be like in the next few years, his studies were going to continue out of town, he thought he would be sorry to be away.
"well son it's your life, I know you've had a hard time, your parents didn't get good jobs and now you have a chance to improve your life and theirs," Emma said with teary eyes and a smile.
"It wasn't so bad for me, I got to share a good time with you mom Emma."
That was the last time they were able to talk in person...
This is a sweet story, @ppvicente. I liked Emma's character very much. She is one of those eccentric old ladies with an odd way of dressing and some interesting habits, but a heart of gold. It's good that Charlie got to go and say goodbye.
There were a few things in your story that confused me, but I have some tips for you, which I hope you will find helpful. In the opening, if you gave us the "setting" then we would understand who is talking. For example, you could start the story with something like "John and Charlie, two brothers, sat on the porch of the home where they grew up." Then we could see them and understand the context of their conversation. Then a few times you spelled John's name differently, so I was also wondering if there was a third person. So if you changed "Jhon" to John in those places, it would keep the reader from being confused.
My last tip is about the pronouns. Whenever you are referring to Emma, it should be "she" and "her," not "him" and "his."
Good luck and keep writing!
thanks for your observations @jayna, you are very detailed. There are times when I make mistakes, because English is not my mother tongue and I always have a correction to take care of. Thanks for reading.
They surely developed a caring relationship with Emma, even impacting their life more than their actual mother.
Thank you for sharing that story with The Ink Well. We appreciate your engagement with others in the community by commenting on their stories.
Wasn't clear from the first dialog or the rest of the story, but I assume Emma died?
That's sad, she surely meant a lot to Charlie.
Emma meant a lot to Charlie. The rest I leave to the readers to decide. Thanks for reading
This is a beautiful story that tells one form, among many, of falling in love. Charlie was eight years old. At that age children usually "fall in love" with their teachers, as before, around the age of four, boys usually say they will marry their mothers and girls their fathers.
Enmma broke the scheme of life and became an advanced, exemplary figure for the children. To such an extent that Charlie calls her Mama Emma, tells her his plans and Emma responds in a guiding role. It is the role that corresponds to the teachers in the impossibility or absence of the parents.
I enjoyed your story that touches on such an important topic. Work on the clarity of your writing and keep writing, @ppvicente.
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Truly beautiful,God bless women like Emma who take children who aren’t theirs and become like mothers to them.
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