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A steamy,hot afternoon in July 2030.
A group of kids playing football near the foot of downtown Brooklyn's Hamilton avenue were distracted by the arrival of gang of hover bike riders,as the bikers roller through guns strapped it was obvious they had something or someone in mind as their eyes scanned the area in all directions,before they zoomed off.
All thoughts of the game cast aside the kids,all sat down promptly to excitedly talk about the bikers.
One kid quietly turned to clean the tears that slipped down his face, before returning to the Little merry band..
As he walked home in the dark,He's mind wandered of as he imagined how his life always seemed to get better before it got worse,first Dad got a job the went missing and then Elder bro bought a hover bike,then joined a biker gang, and got in a shootout with a rival biker gang and finally Mum got a promotion and they had to leave home and all his friends behind (Liz was finally talking to him)now he was here in this weird place with all this kids who seemed to be so indifferent to the world.
Deciding to take a shorter road through the alley, he crossed the road and headed for the alley, stepping into the alleyway he was dismayed to find out it was extremely dark, pulling out his flashlight he stepped into the alley tensed to run at the slightest sound.
Halfway through the alley the flashlight went off, as he ran blindly he heard what oddly sounded like wings flapping behind him, as he closed in on the end of the alley he felt someone grab him and hustle off into the air, as he flew he saw a face that looked vaguely familiar before he blacked out.
As he regained consciousness he looked around at where he lay, even his clothes had been changed, startled as the door opened, he saw his Dad walk in followed by large feline looking winged creatures, as he looked dazed at him, his Dad smiled and pulled a chair close to the bed.
Shocked as he was, he was nevertheless happy to see his Dad,sleep now, I'd tell you everything you need to know when you wake up his Dad said to him as he let himself out from the room stalked by the creatures.
As he woke, ye could smell breakfast cooking from somewhere outside the room, picking his way carefully out of the room, he decided to go exploring the house or wherever he was.
He had barely taken few steps before he heard a soft purr and something big swooshed out of the dark knocking him yo the floor, half expecting to get eaten alive, he was shocked the creature purred like a giant cat before licking his face.
As he slowly stood up, his dad called from a huge door he had not noticed before, as he walked in the he could see the skeletons of different creatures he had never known to exist in large Glass cylinders stretching around the wall, some looking like the large winged cat behind him.
Looking up at his father, he saw him smile sadly and shake his head, this is my life work and some would kill to have it, that is my I left you and your mother, I didn't want to put you both in harms way.
But something changed, they are tracking you both, we have to get your mother to safety too..
When that is done, I'll tell you how we are going to change the world as you know it....
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That escalated quickly. So his missing dad turned out to be a weirdo that owned a large cat-like winged creature? I wish the story was a bit longer so that you could explain some of the more confusing parts clearly.
I could edit it to make it a bit longer, let me know if you would like me to
Thanks for considering it. That would be really helpful.
Just did
Seeing 2030 brought me in but the story felt a bit incomplete, I don't know if it's just me.
I was a bit confused.
This is a tantalizing narrative. It is tantalizing in that it leads us to ask many questions. It is obvious the protagonist is a journey that his father began years before. This journey is dangerous and full of mystery. Your imagery is good. It would be more satisfying for readers to know more about the father and the father's work.
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Gangs in hover bikes and winged cats sounds like a fun read. This is very imaginative, and I enjoyed the scifi world. There are certain conventions in writing fiction that I think could improve the narrative. For example, the last paragraph mixes the narrator's voice with that of the character. You could improve it by separating the two in the following manner:
I edited several things. First, notice that I took out the word "sadly" in the first sentence. You don't need this adjective because the action of the character, the shake of his head, gives the readers all the information that they need to figure out that the father is sad. Avoid telling the reader how a character is feeling and instead show them through specific actions. Second, I broke the opening sentence and the father's words into two paragraphs. By separating the two, it makes it easier to follow. It's like taking a breath to pause before you deliver the key point. Third, I put the father's words in "quotation marks". This is typical in western fiction. The words of a character should be in quotes to make it easy for the reader to follow when a character speaks. I also added the words 'the father said' in the second paragraph to help the reader figure out who is talking.
I enjoying reading your version of the future. Cheers!
thank you very much for your feedback
I enjoyed reading this imaginative futuristic story, @octaviusx. It is a bit hard to read in places, because of errors in wording and grammar. We have an excellent article that describes how to use Google Docs to draft your content, and then it will point out errors for you, and you can quickly fix them with one click. Please see the post Help for the Grammatically Challenged in our our catalog of fiction writing tips. You can use this app on a computer or phone. Following that step will help you improve your writing, and the resulting rewards. :-)
This is a very intriguing story, @octaviusx . I hope this child completes the questions of his life,