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RE: The Last Return.

in The Ink Well7 months ago (edited)

Mia returned home too late and sadly, the disease had already taken her mother away. This leads to a life altering change that causes her to dedicate the rest of her life to disease prevention and safety.

I enjoyed reading this tale, specially in light of the recent events with the pandemic. I do like that you didn't give the disease a name but left it open to the imagination. This is great because then we don't have to worry too much about the details of the disease. The story is about love and loss after all.

She sighted her home and a smile dressed her lips in anticipation. As she got closer, she discovered that the garden was wild and untamed and the door to the house was slightly ajar. A cold shiver ran up her legs and they felt suddenly too heavy to lift. With her heart in her mouth, she pushed the door wide open.

I liked that the character took time to arrive home because this provides a good context for the difficult and fearful circumstances in the country.

She reached the room and let herself inside the empty space. Her mother's bed was not laid which was very unusual. She looked around the room, everything was in their right position except for a stack of letters on her mother's reading table. She walked warily to the table and picked up the stack of letters. They were all addressed to her. With shaking hands, she flipped through them one by one.

This is a key moment and heart wrenching. One thing I'm not certain about is why mother and daughter did not communicate in the six years Mia was studying abroad. Did they have a fallout? Perhaps the mother was not happy with the daughter leaving home. I may have missed this detail, but if not, then I think the story could be tightened by adding it.

Well done!

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Thank you very much for this observation @litguru. I never thought of the importance of that to the story but after reading your comment, I realised it is a must-add and so I have tweaked it a bit. I hope the addition makes it tighter. Thank you very much.

This is a great. Your addition gives more depth to the story by clarifying the tragic circumstances. Cheers!