The lioness

in The Ink Well4 years ago

Routine

Evening already as her fridays always went,Sonia was really worn out and hungry, walking back from choir practice to her apartment at hilltop because there were no transportation options available on campus by 9pm, she still had laundry to do the next day along with some other assignments that she had to submit, she had to make good use of her time because of her grades from the previous semester so she walked faster despite how tired she was or the fact that she hadn't eaten anything all day.


colombia-ebony-beauty-woman.jpg
https://www.pxfuel.com/en/free-photo-jdywf

suddenly

A car pulled up on her, it distinctively looked like her dad's old Nissan which made Sonia curious about the person in the car.The windows rolled down only to reveal her dad's face and he explained to her that he was having a business meeting in a hoteloutside near the school which made him seize the opportunity in reaching out to her but Sonia wasn't really convinced, her dad was supposed to be in lagos because she spoke to him just two days before this whole surprise, but who knows, her dad never really talked about business to family.

Dad...... Dad?

He offered to take her to his hotel so she could lodge in a room, relax and eat some real food because she'd just lamented to him on the phone just the other day that her school, UNN (University of Nigeria nsukka 🇳🇬) was draining her seriously and her composure made it obvious that she was tired, it was convincing enough because she actually told all that to her dad so she hopped in. As they got past the school security guards by the gate there was total silence inside the car, her dad wasn't chatty anymore, he was just focused on the road. the sudden change in his expression had her rather conflicted and futher suspicious so she asked him if he still had the...... she bought him for his 44th birthday, a..... and he answered predictably, Sonia then knew that the person in front of her wasn't her dad, it was an impostor


Doom

Sonia asked to pull over with an excuse that she had to use the ladies room but he wouldn't budge, she asked again but it was like he couldn't even hear what she was saying so she struggled to open the car but it was locked as she turned back to her dad, well her fake dad, his body began shifting and he turned into something strange, like a robot shaped like a man, his skin was silver and looked like it was made of steel, she looked in his face his eyes glowed white, like a blind man's eyes but glowing. it was no use trying to fight so she quickly reached for the steering wheel when straps from the passenger seat she was on caught both her arms at the wrist, dragged her back to the seat and strapped her tight while screamed for help, she screamed out as loud as she could then stopped when she looked out the window and saw that they were on a deserted route, the tears in her eyes started flowing uncontrollably, the kind of tears you shed when you feel helpless and broken, she felt doomed, she then noticed him press a button on the dashboard with a biohazard symbol, she asked what it was but still no response from the strange creature who just faced the road while sonia slowly lost her energy and passed out.

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Greetings, @ji33y you have managed to keep my attention until the end of the text. As I get to the final line I realise that I have no elements to refer to in your story.
It is important to review the guidelines on our home page; our rules and writing tips. We would love to read a story from you again. Keep writing.

thanks for the tip, although expect a tag from me on my next piece.

it's still on this post tho

Hi @ji33y. Interesting story. It feels like a start of something. (Although, as you know if you've read our community rules that we don't allow continuation stories, so I hope that is not your intent.) There is nothing to explain what this creature is or why it has kidnapped her, and the story just stops without an ending.

Here's some constructive feedback to help you in your writing. With a short story, even a very short one, we look for a resolution of some kind. Every good story has a conflict that is resolved in the end.

I encourage you to make use of our catalog of fiction writing tips. You will find guidance on how to build characters, integrate action and dialog, write story plots and add a story arc. Without a story arc, stories do not seem complete. So that is one of the most important skills to learn. Good luck and keep writing.

thanks Jay but I'm not writing another story tho I'm just going to add something I left out, 🤦‍♂️the resolution... I'll make sure to reat on the tips

I liked it, you're talented.

thank you

Thanks for posting this story on @theinkwell, @ji33y.

We're glad to see your comments on fellow writers' posts. Your supportive comments help develop our community in a strong way.

glad I could be a part of this

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To support your work, I also upvoted your post!

thanks

You're welcome @ji33y 😊👍 Nice motivation!

Yay! 🤗
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The writing style is interesting but the story is more so. Thanks for the story.

I appreciate your kind words but don't you think it's incomplete?

Yes, I did find it incomplete. But I just thought you left the story open-ended. That's one of the reasons I said that the writing style was interesting. Do you have plan on continuing the story?

I don't know

Interesting story. The strange man was just like an Avenger.

I also support gender equality and women empowerment, as you can see no physical harm has been inflicted on my character and the term violence against women has been explained to me to be sexual by @theinkwell

I strongly believe that any gender can be abducted hence my post