You have some nice writing skills, @uekop2.

We often provide feedback to writers who are just getting started. The Ink Well has some great resources in our catalog of fiction writing tips. You will find guidance on how to build characters, integrate action and dialog, write story plots and add a story arc. The story arc is an important element of fiction, because it is where our interest is highest in the story, and we must know how it will end, and how the character's plight will improve or change. The end of a good story always provides a resolution to the problem presented in the story. In this case, we don't know how her problems will be solved.

Good luck and keep writing.