Hi @sonofremi and @miles101. I enjoyed your story. It takes many twists and turns! The story premise about the girls rescuing Mary Jane's father from a coma by entering his mind with the help of Trevor's technology is really inspired!

I do have some feedback for you. I highly recommend that you take some time to do a final edit before you publish your stories, so you can find and fix errors. We have some tips that might help you in our article, Help for the Grammatically Challenged in our catalog of fiction writing tips. It describes how to use Google docs to draft your content, which helps you to find many errors in grammar and spelling.

Keep writing!