I love your story, @kaerpediem. It's such a sweet coming-of-age story, with moments and glances and all the awkwardness of youth. Nicely done! I love your spare writing style.
I thought I'd mention a few little things you might want to touch up. I had a bit of confusion in the early part of the story as to who was speaking. The narrator says "Phones are not allowed during class." Then I get a little lost as to who says things things:
“Sorry, that was rude.”
“Earlier, when you told me about no phones in class?”
“Yes, that was kinda rude. Just to put you at ease, I had a swab test over the weekend. I am clean.”
“Of course. I am sorry again.”
I do like your very limited use of dialog tags. I'm a huge fan of that method. They tend to clutter up a story and be a distraction. But you might need just a few more hints as to who is speaking. I'm pretty sure "Sorry, that was rude" is the boy, because it comes right after "After class, he caught up with me and apologized." The question after that also has to be him because she's the one who said the thing about the phones. (Which means she doesn't say anything between those two statements.) That was where I got a bit confused. It must be the girl that says "Yes, that was kinda rude." But why does she say she had a swab test and then he apologizes again? One other small thing. There are a couple of places where you write "starring," which should be "staring." :-)
Anyway, it's a great story!
I confess, I was trying out a style from Florence in Ecstasy by Jesse Chaffe
A big part of the book was told through her erratic thoughts. But after I wrote the first draft, I realised the reader was going to have a tough time understanding. So I started filling in, and maybe not enough.
ah, ok ok, I see the confusion. Thought the raising of the eyebrow to show she had no clue what he was talking about leads him trying to explain why he was apologising...
Another confession, I always mess up my spelling... let me fix it.
I always appreciate your feedback :)Thank you @jayna <33
You're not the only one with the spelling things. The difference is you do it intentionally but I do it carelessly. I will be more careful in the future.
Thank goodness for autocorrects and Grammarly eh ;D
Same here but in my case, this is not Grammarly but autocorrect.
Happy to help! And thank you for sharing your inspiration. I love that kind of writing. I truly do. It's a challenge to master, but very effective when all those nuances are working. You are a gifted writer. I always look forward to your stories!