John had agreed to meet his cousin Charles at 5 pm to go courting a pair of sisters in the nearby town. This time, he would be riding Charles' bike and he would be sitting on the bar as a passenger.
He didn't understand his parents' refusal to let him buy a bicycle. He had saved up enough money, but he could not convince them. The argument was dangerous. Fortunately, Charles, two years older than him, had been teaching him how to ride his bicycle in secret, and now they were both adventure companions. Of course, it would be ideal if each person drove their bicycle.
"Mom, don't wait up for dinner!" I'm going to Charles's house, and then we'll go to the final game of the basketball season.
“John…!"
"Tell me, Mom!" he replied calmly without stopping towards the door.
"Promise me you won't go on the bicycle!”
"Excuse me, mom! I'm late!”
He rushed out, running the tortoise-shell comb through his thick black hair. He hurried, pretending not to have heard her. As he crossed the gate, he turned left and put on his wireless headphones. He could still hear the faint voice of his mother telling him, "Promise me." He smiled, without turning around, feeling like he had gotten away with it, and freed from committing to what he would not give up.
He found Charles with the nanometer in his hand, measuring the air pressure in the tires of the bicycle.
"Come on Charles, we're late!" He forgot to greet him.
He mounted the bike, balancing it on the tips of his feet, while his cousin settled on the bar between the handlebars and seat, facing forward. He pushed hard before attaching his feet to the pedals.
"Be careful of the hole.”
He balanced his body against the direction of the slight twist of the steering wheel. He dodged, with adjusted precision, the irregularity of the terrain, increasing the force of his undulating kicks that put pressure on the zipper.
"Excellent, John! I wouldn't have dodged it better!"
The cell phone rang.
"Surely it's Marianne! Heavens!" John brought the cell phone to his ear and answered. "My love, we're close. Don't despair. Tell your sister that Charles is with me.”
He decided to go against the flow to save a couple of miles. In addition, they would gain more speed going downhill.
"What are you doing, John? Look, we're going against traffic! It's dangerous and illegal! If they catch us, they'll arrest us."
"Don't worry, cousin! I have everything under control!”
As he saw the intersection, he realized that an elderly couple was crossing the street, and then he squeezed the brakes on the handlebars, but they didn't respond, and they continued to accelerate under the action of gravity.
"Brake, John, brake!" Charles screamed in desperation, as he tensed his body, expecting the worst.
Without thinking twice, he changed course towards the bushes on the side of the road. He thought that the dirt and the grass would slow down the bicycle. And in fact, he had some success, until the large bush caught them, throwing them off the bicycle.
The crack of a broken bone preceded the unbearable pain.
"John, are you okay?" Charles shouted, still stunned, almost unharmed, with only some minor bruises, a miracle in the face of the serious accident.
"Ay! My leg hurts! What will my mom say? Ay!, and the bicycle? Ay! How are you?”
"What questions, cousin! I think I'm fine and the bike is inoperable! It has a deformed front rim. We could have killed ourselves. Thank God!”
John went numb for a moment and visualized his father's warnings about the danger of driving any vehicle, especially a two-wheeler. The pain reminded him of the madness he had just committed.
Among the bushes, the ring increased, revealing the whereabouts where the phone had been thrown.
"Ay! Surely, it's Marianne! Find my cell phone."
On the other side, an angry young woman was telling her sister that she would break up with John, she didn't know why she had accepted him if he didn't even have a bicycle.
"Put it on speaker!"
"John, don't bother coming! We're over, and tell Charles, that my sister doesn't want to see him!"
At that very moment, John's father, riding his big motorcycle, was crossing the dangerous road on his way home. He smiled as he thought of the great news for his son: he would authorize him to buy the bicycle, as long as he passed the driving test he had arranged.
The end
An original short story by @janaveda in Spanish and translated to English with https://bard.google.com/ (free version)
The cover image is based on a drawing of mine in Krita 5.2.1 and formatted in Keynote.
Note: I edited the text assisted by the web version of Grammarly after a reading in English: an excellent way to polish reading and writing skills
Thanks for reading me. I hope this short story is to your liking. I would very much like to read your comments in this regard to enrich myself with your criticism.
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Juan había acordado con su primo en verse a las cinco para ir a cortejar a un par de hermanas en el pueblo cercano. En esta ocasión, él conduciría la bicicleta de Carlos, y este, iría en la barra como pasajero.
No entendía la negativa de sus padres, a que él se comprara una bicicleta. Había reunido lo suficiente, pero fue incapaz de convencerlos. El argumento, el peligro. Por fortuna, Carlos, dos años mayor que él, le estuvo enseñando a escondidas a conducir su bicicleta, y ahora ambos eran compañeros de aventuras. Por supuesto, lo ideal sería que cada quien condujera su propia bicicleta.
—¡Mamá, no me esperes para cenar! — Voy a casa de Carlos, y luego iremos al partido final de la temporada de baloncesto.
—¡Juan…!
—¡Dime, mamá! —Contestó con aire despreocupado sin detenerse rumbo a la puerta.
—¡Prométeme que no irás en la bicicleta!
—¡Disculpa, mamá! ¡Estoy demorado!
Salió de prisa, mientras pasaba el peine de carey en su frondosa cabellera negra. Apuró el paso, fingiendo no haberla escuchado. Al cruzar la puerta de la cerca, giró a la izquierda, colocándose los auriculares inalámbricos. Aún escuchó la tenue voz de su madre diciéndole, «promételo». Sonrió, sin voltear, sintiendo haberse salido con la suya, y librado de comprometerse a lo que no renunciaría.
Encontró a Carlos con el nanómetro en la mano, midiendo el nivel de aire de los cauchos de la bicicleta.
—¡Vamos Carlos, que se nos hace tarde! —Olvidando, saludarlo.
Montó la bici, equilibrándola con las puntas de los pies, mientras su primo se acomodó sobre la barra entre manubrio y el asiento, viendo al frente. Empujó fuerte antes de acoplar sus pies a los pedales.
—Ten cuidado con el hueco.
Balanceó el cuerpo en contrapeso a la dirección de la leve torsión del volante. Esquivó, con ajustada precisión, la irregularidad del terreno, aumentando la fuerza de sus ondulantes patadas que daba presión a la cremallera.
—¡Excelente, Juan! ¡Ni yo lo habría esquivado mejor!
Sonó el celular.
—¡De seguro es Mariana! ¡Cielos! —Juan acercó el celular al oído y respondió. —Mi amor, estamos cerca. No desesperes. Dile a tu hermana que Carlos va conmigo.
Decidió ir en contra flujo para ahorrarse un par de millas. Además, adquirirían mayor velocidad en la bajada.
—¿Qué haces Juan? ¡Mira que vamos en contrasentido! ¡Es peligroso e ilegal! Si nos atrapan, nos encarcelarán.
—¡No te preocupes, primo! ¡Lo tengo todo controlado!
Al ver la intersección, se percató que cruzaban una pareja de anciano, y entonces apretó los frenos del manubrio, pero no respondieron, y siguieron acelerando bajo la acción de la gravedad.
—¡Frena, Juan, frena! —Gritó Carlos desesperado, mientras tensaba el cuerpo, esperando lo peor.
Sin pensarlo dos veces, cambio de rumbo hacia los matorrales al lado del camino. Pensó en que la tierra y las hierbas aminorarían la marcha de la bicicleta. Y en efecto, tuvo un relativo éxito, hasta que el gran arbusto los atrapo, expulsándolos de la bicicleta.
El crujido de un hueso roto precedió al dolor insoportable.
—¡Juan, estás bien! —Gritó aún aturdido Carlos, casi ileso, solo con algunas leves contusiones, un milagro, ante el aparatoso accidente.
—¡Ay! ¡Me duele la pierna! ¿Qué dirá mi mamá? ¡Ay!, ¿y la bicicleta? ¡Ay! ¿Cómo estás tú?
—¡Qué preguntas, primo! ¡Yo, creo que bien y la bici, Inservible! Tiene deformado el rin delantero. ¡Pudimos habernos matado! ¡Dios es grande!
Juan entumeció un instante y visualizó las de su padre sobre el peligro que entraña la conducción de cualquier vehículo, en especial, de la de dos ruedas. El dolor le remarcaba la locura que acababa de cometer.
Entre los matorrales, el timbre se incrementó, delatando el paradero a donde fue a parar disparado el teléfono.
—¡Ay! ¡De seguro, es Mariana! Encuentra mi celular.
Al otro lado, una joven enfadada le comentaba a su hermana que terminaría la relación con Juan, no sabía por qué lo había aceptado, si ni siquiera tenía una bicicleta.
—¡Ponla en altavoz!
—¡Juan, no te molestes en venir! ¡Hemos terminado, y dile a Carlos, que mi hermana no quiere verlo!
En aquel justo momento, el padre de Juan, atravesaba de regreso a casa, montando su gran moto, la carretera siniestra. Sonriente, pensaba en la gran noticia para su hijo: autorizaría que comprara la bicicleta, siempre y cuando aprobará el examen de conducción que había contratado.
Fin
Un cuento breve original de @janaveda
La imagen de portada con base en un dibujo mío en Krita 5.2.1 y formateado en Keynote
Gracias por leerme. Espero que este breve cuento sea de su agrado. Me gustaría mucho leer sus comentarios al respecto para enriquecerme con sus críticas.
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I really enjoyed reading! John was quite an adventurous person. But he should been more careful while crossing the road.
Hello, @virabee
Glad you liked it. I think John learned his lesson.
Greetings.
John was never going to give up on riding a bicycle, that was why he didn't bother promising his mom. He should be more careful next time when riding a bicycle. I wonder what his dad would do if he heard of his accident, perhaps change his mind?
Such a wonderful story and I enjoyed it.
Hello, @princessbusayo
John, in addition to a leg in a cast, for sure, will have to endure the righteous lecture from his parents.
In the end, I think his father, will keep the proposal, knowing that his son learned his lesson.
Greetings.
That's good. Thank you.
El destino y sus jugadas.
Bonito relato.
@tipu curate 8
Upvoted 👌 (Mana: 0/75) Liquid rewards.
Gracias mi amigo.
Saludos.
Excellent story, @janaveda. You have crafted an excellent conflict, as well as wonderful suspense and pacing, and a great combination of action, dialogue and narrative. Nicely done! Thank you for sharing your story in The Ink Well, and for reading and commenting on the work of other community members.
At the contrary. Thanks to you for providing excellent posts with valuable tips for writers to grow in their skills.
It is always a pleasure to participate and share with community members.
Greetings.
John's adventure with Charles took a different turn, he should have listened to his mother, but he was stubborn and tried hard to please a lady. Well, his dad has a surprise for him, I hope he will pass the driving test so he and his friend can reconnect with girls again.
Yes, when you are young, you always think you know it all. But, it's not like that. Fortunately, our protagonist was very lucky, just like his cousin. Imagine, if John had run over the old couple, or if they had been caught by the police, committing that infraction!
As for the girls, yes, for sure, John and his cousin will have their chance to reconnect.
Greetings.
This is a captivating and thrilling story, @janaveda! Your detailed narrative skillfully builds tension, especially during the intense bicycle ride scene. John's internal conflict between his desires and his mother's warnings creates a relatable dilemma. The twist with Marianne's call adds another layer of drama, emphasizing the consequences of his actions. Kudos on creating such an engaging piece! Looking forward to reading more from you!🌺
Also I couldn't find your link in the comment section of the Prompt post, you might want to put it there as it is part of the rules. Just a reminder 🤗.
Enjoy the rest of your day!
Thank you for your kind words. Yes, you are right! I already put the link in the comments area of the call page.
Have a week full of blessings and good things.
Greetings.