The Inkwell Fiction Challenge | Getting The Murderer

in The Ink Well4 years ago

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PIXABAY
Despite her two sisters agreeing to them, the three children of late Chief Adam to put on a lowly black dress. Deborah, the last daughter had a different plan in mind. As she pushes away the agreed gown opened her wardrobe and brought a black gown that's so flawless for someone who is mourning.

Looking radiant and ever charming despite her grieving eyes was one of the goals but that's just the tip of the iceberg, getting her father's murderer today was her aim and she won't do that dressing like a peasant as her sisters for she is the Daddy's girl and the one who will stand out and fight for their Father.

She walked into the church and she could feel the glaring eyes on her skin.
Who dresses so classy to mourn her father? No one she said to herself but Deborah Adams.
She looked around and didn't see Pastor Philip. Guess this guilty one is scared of the dead the murmured to herself as she takes a look at her father's corpse lying in a coffin close to the altar.
Pastor David walks him to give a brief sermon, though she seems to be attentive to his sermon her heart was a fit of boiling anger as she held her mum's hands gently whose eyes were all red and strained from the numerous tears she has been shedding.

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PIXABAY

"It's okay mum we will be fine, who did this to father will pay". Mournful Mrs. Adam couldn't pick or understand the words of her last daughter as she was all sorrowful.

Immediately after the service, Deborah makes her move to get vengeance. The first two daughters of daughter looked around for her but she was nowhere to be found.
They decide to proceed to the funeral's ground with their mum and father's corpse hoping to see Deborah there by the time they will arrive.

"Hello, Pastor". Deborah said as she walked into Pastor Phillip's office.
"Hey, you ought to be in the funeral ground?" He replied
"Wow! Not even a Good day to you dear? Was expecting the Church regional Pastor to ask how this little mourning girl is fairing. Guess the guilty don't care"

I don't get you, my child Pastor, Phillip spoke shivering
I know my father helped you to do money laundering through the church and you killed him to cover your sins. Here I am to pay his debt.
She brought out her Pistol which is a silencer and silence the Pastor.
She shut the door and walked out of the office with a smile blocking away her conscience.
Even though she has committed a great sin before God by committing murder in the church. What matters was she got vengeance for her father at the end.


This is my entry to a fiction challenge by @theinkwell. Thanks for reading.

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Don't forget to link your entry in a comment on the Challenge post :)

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To support your work, I also upvoted your post!

Do not miss the last post from @hivebuzz:

Feedback from the last Hive Power Up Day

Hi @giftedwrites. Thank you for contributing your story to The Ink Well.

I thought I would share some feedback. I hope you're okay with it. To continue to develop as a writer, remember to always build a story arc into your short stories, even if they are very short like this one.

I'll explain a little bit of what I mean. In all good stories, the main character has an intent or desire of some kind. (In this case it is revenge.) To build a story arc, there must be an obstacle to achieving that desire. This helps us (the readers of the story) to care about the character and to feel hopeful that he or she will be able to overcome the obstacle. Without the obstacle to the desired outcome, there is no story arc, and the story will seem flat and uninteresting. The character may achieve the outcome, but it seems too easy.

This is always the case, and is especially true of a situation where the desired outcome is violence. If the character says "I want revenge" and promptly shoots and kills someone and that's the end, we don't have a story arc.

In this case, we need to know earlier on why she wants revenge, and to somehow become invested in this desire, and see that there is an obstacle of some kind to achieve it. For example, we could learn that the father was a really great and kind man. And then there would need to be something that prevents her from achieving her goal. Maybe her father's killer learns that she knows the truth and comes after her first, for example.

For more information, see the writing tips post, What Is a Story Arc.

I hope this helps.

Thank you for the correction
Will put it to practice next time