The Selfish One

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The fall was great. I felt like I broke my spinal cord when Rita left me. She left me completely destroyed. I could walk, but I felt like I was without bones in my body. My world revolved around her, and she knew; and yet she left. She saw through me, and knew that she had my soul in her pocket.

Uncle Samson used to tell me when I was much younger, "Women often love to chase a man who they think is a challenge to catch. The minute they discover that they've got you all wrapped up in their bikinis, they knew that the game was won with you. And they'll chase the next challenge."

I used to laugh when Uncle Samson said that, and often he repeated it like a song in his head. Myself and my big sister Stepheny, knew that Uncle Samson's wife left him heartbroken, and we pitied the sad and depressing state he was always in.

But I guess I'm a grown up man now, and I'm seeing some sense in all that he said. Uncle Samson drank heavily and smoked cigarettes to no end. He died of lung cancer about 6 years ago. But his words are very fresh in my ears to this very day, as I've found myself in similar shoes as his.

Three weeks ago, I got fired from my job. My boss said that I was a shadow of myself. I made a stupid mistake that cost my company millions of naira. In fact, my salary for the next 10 years, could not cover for the mess I made. All this, because Felicia broke my heart into pieces.

I spent more than half my savings to buy Felicia a golden engagement ring. Only for her to dump me like a piece of used toilet roll, 3 days after I engaged her. I came back home from work on that Wednesday, and saw a note on my bed saying, "I'm no longer happy in this relationship. I have no more fire burning for you Jeff. Bye."

My sat down thinking about my life, drinking cheap liquor, and I lit a cigarette I bought earlier. And I thought to myself, "I'm gradually turning into depressed Uncle Samson." My ship is sinking, and I can't save myself.

I was drunk, and I sat on the floor - flashes of the conversation I had with Uncle Samson in the hospital, the last few days before he died came to my mind. Uncle Samson said to me, "I'm already old Jeff, and I gave up on life long time ago. Many years was already wasted, before I learned the truth. I made a mess of my youth."

Uncle Samson had troubles breathing, but he continued, "Jeff! If you ever find yourself in a similar pit, know this - Love yourself first, and above everyone else. Be that selfish with your self love - it's the way out of that pit." Immediately I remembered those words from Uncle Samson that day - it was as if a mask fell off my face.

I stood up from the ground I was sitting helplessly. I went to my bathroom, and got under the shower. I felt the cold water hit my body, and wash away all my pains. After leaving the shower - I looked at the mirror, and saw a young man who was now willing to love himself more than anyone else. And I winked!