Her eyes and her neck moved in the same rhythm as the beat heard. The sound of the music heard brought old dark memories. Her chuckling rang out and the beat stopped.
Turning her head, Salima sneered triumphantly.
"It is time for soul hunting" She roared.
Centuries ago when the presence of technology was a far-fetched theory lived Salima. A young heartwarming girl born to a family of 4 including her parents. Her sister was the first daughter while she was the last and they all lived together in great harmony.
But... The harmonic feeling went off when the village chief deemed It right to marry her sister. It was chaotic as her parents didn't agree but that ended their life and her sister's too. She killed herself which left Salima all alone in the hands of the scandalous Chief.
She sorted many ways to kill herself too but none worked. The Chief made sure she was kept in a room where she can't escape his wrath and he tortured her endlessly.
For years, Salima became his slave and he had lots of fun with her naivety. She was just a child. Not less than 14 years old in the hands of a monstrous being until one good night.
Salima would never forget such an eventful night as it made her who she is. The night when her endless wails of bloodlust revenge came to fulfillment. The day her worries were gone and she was reborn. The day she gave herself to the Soulless Wanderer Demon, Halim.
On that eventful day, Salima was chained as usual by the ill malicious Chief to devour and her eyes were sagged. She was tired but she struggled to plead to any spirit who was wandering around to hear her plea and then came in, Halim.
They made a pact. He would help her get revenge but she has to do it herself. Therefore, Halim took over half of her soul so that she would be alive to carry the revenge herself and they both became one. The two in one being.
When the Chief arrived to carry out his usual deeds, Salima with the demon spirit in her trapped his soul in the world so he could see how she ruined his generation.
The plan was to let his descendants live for 3 decades before they attack and wipe them but leaving the last descendants to grow and multiply for 3 decades when their souls can be harvested again and again.
And the interesting part is that... Every 3 decades, the soul harvested won't rest but torment the Chief's soul until another 3 decades when other descendants' souls would take place, and the former souls can rest.
Today marks the beginning of another 3 decades of soul-hunting and Salima is ready to devour.
You have done well here to detail a life of pain, which has led Salima to internalize the force of destruction. However, with the introduction of Halim's character, it would have been nice to see some additional character development.
Here's a tip for you: Consider adding some dialogue between your characters, as well as some action.
These are two important elements of quality fiction that can bring a story to life. You have done a very nice job with the narrative, but it would be even better if you told some of the story in action, and added dialogue so the characters speak to each other. Here are a few resources for you:
We hope this feedback is helpful. Thank you for sharing your story with us, and for your engagement with other members of the community.
This was helpful. Thank you for the piece sent.
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The continuous torment really got me.
Now, I'm pitying Chief 😥.
Nice story Big ma!🙌
Haha... When people start suffering, we all pity them until we get to know what they did.
There is no harm if people are good but, the world will be strangely unbalanced if that happens.
Yeah, very true word👌
Hmm, poor chief.
I guess he got exactly what he deserved but at what cost, salima has to be with the demon forever in order to carry out her revenge consistently.
I liked how you begin the story and step by step the body of the story explained the first paragraph, nice sense of creativity.
Pop in from #dreemport
Yes, she has. It is a sacrifice.
Thank you for enjoying your time here. I appreciate your feedback.
Salima's pains felt very real and the desire for vengeance leading to a pact. Perhaps a little humanity from everyone will make the world a more peaceful place to live in
Good work here
It sure is. People in higher places do things for fun until they meet the wrong person.
Perhaps it will. Thanks for stopping by.
Thank you.