Sometimes weekends for us are action-packed affairs and sometimes they're just damned miserable; This weekend is somewhere in the middle, not good, not bad, just sort of mediocre and leaning slightly towards miserable.
It's a long weekend here, Labour Day weekend, so Monday is a public holiday. We're planning on taking a drive in the countryside; We really need a distraction from the daily grind which seems to have spilled over from the working week and into our weekend.
Faith and I are dealing with a few fairly complicated situations currently; One of which is an operation that she is having next week and the other the massive operation her mum requires due to a complicated secondary cancer-scenario. A double whammy! Along with her mum's operation, recuperation and ensuing chemotherapy will come the need for additional and constant care and to be able to provide that Faith and I have decided to move into her mum's house. All of this combined makes for a complex set of circumstances.
Last year we went through the same situation with the primary cancer and it was difficult to manage as Faith lived at her mum's most of the time and I stayed home; Not ideal. This time, with the secondary cancer, we figure it would eliminate some of the pressure to base ourselves at her mum's house, together.
My mother in-law hasn't yet decided to have the operation; I guess one needs to consider quality of life post-operation and what life may look like, how long it may last, without the operation. It's a big decision.
She's meeting with the oncologist team again soon and once she has all the facts will decide from there. The operation is incredibly huge, she will be cut completely open, neck to navel and right down around one side of her body then then the work begins. The recovery will be difficult; I suppose she's wondering if it's worth going through that with no guarantee's of recovery or best to opt-out and have quality of life for as long as the cancer allows it.
It's a personal decision of course, one that has very definite implications, ramifications, and so we're providing support without trying to sway her either way. It needs to be her choice.
My own mother went through the same deliberations and opted out of the operation choosing quality of life instead. Breast cancer became secondary bone cancer and she passed away at the age of 59 years old; She had the quality of life she desired for most of that time, although I can't imagine it was very comfortable considering the severity of her condition. It was her decision though, one I disagreed with at the time, but respected.
I can only imagine what it must be like to have to process a decision like that.
Our weekend hasn't been very good; Quite depressing really, although we've been together spending quality time, despite some of that time being spent on depressing discussions.
I've been building Lego as Faith and her mum went through documentation: Will, power of attorney, advanced care directive and other legal documents. She also wrote all her bank account information down, passwords and numbers, which may be required and went through bills and household things for Faith to take over if required. It's all quite odd really, listening to those discussions knowing why they're happening, but essential considering the situation. It was quite emotional for Faith and I'd imagine her mum too, but she was stoic as always; She's a strong lady.
If she opts-in to the operation there is a probability-factor that she may bleed out on the table should things not go exactly to plan. The surgeon told her that, in no uncertain terms, and that the operation is bigger and more dangerous than most brain surgeries...And recovery is not certain, even if she survived the operation...That's why we're preparing things ahead of time. It makes sense and whilst unpleasant is the right thing to do. Not being prepared will lead to complications later, at a time when we will least want them.
Faith is fragile at the moment and, understandably, quite easily set off. There was a small incident at home last night and whilst all is well it really hit home to me just how finely-balanced she is at the moment. It was a good warning shot for me and I've been thinking about a few ways I can mitigate the risk of it being repeated; She needs me to help not hinder her, physically and emotionally.
I'm sure it'll be a difficult time for us and I hope I can manage to hold everything together for her.
And how's the G-dog feeling?...Well, I'm ok but quite worried about my wife as you might imagine; Her emotional state, the fact that she is going to lose her mum and, of course, her own operation which isn't going to be the easiest scenario. I have a job, she runs our business, we will have two households to run, two people recovering from operations, chemotherapy...I think things might be a little complex moving forward, a least for a while.
I'm looking forward to Monday though, a drive to the countryside, a stop off at a bakery for lunch and coffee...Faith and I will need to take these little moments where we can I think; They'll be like stepping stones and jumping from one to the other might help throughout what is likely to be a very turbulent twelve months ahead...A long road.
I hope you guys have been having a good weekend and have found something energising to do, something that provides enjoyment. Life is a precious thing, one never knows when it may be snatched away, so we might as well get after it, live the best version of it that we can. Righ
Take care y'all, have a great weekend...And thanks for indulging me these posts, they help order my thoughts.
Design and create your ideal life, don't live it by default - Tomorrow isn't promised.
Be well
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I hate that fucking decision. Absolutely hate it.
It may be worse because I've never had to MAKE that decision. Just be near by with my thumb shoved up my ass and trying to look like everything is normal.
Try to leave yourself a little personal wiggle room. You aren't perfect and will piss Faith off from time to time. In my experience there's liable to be a time when yes and no are both the wrong answer.
So. Everybody has a job here. Yours looks to be prevent anybody from outside fucking with your women and to take your beating with your big boy pants on. Cause there will be a beating or two for somebody to take and you look to me the most likely candidate.
It's a thing you can do in a mostly helpless situation.
Hey man thanks. Yeah, it's a mighty tough decision and I think unless one has to make it for themselves it might be very difficult to understand the process of it.
I never agreed with my mum's decision although had no choice but to accept it. I was also in the room when the doctor told her she had 12 months to live. I can remember it like it was yesterday...It wasn't a good moment, and one I'm unlikely to open up about here, or in real life to be honest. She passed away almost 12 months to the day later. I'll not forget how she looked immediately after the doctor delivered the news. Had she had treatment maybe it would have been different, maybe not.
It's going to be a difficult time for sure, and probably difficult for others to understand as they're only getting snippets of information from me here, not the full picture. I guess though, it's a situation that many have dealt with, the health thing at least, and it's been good to get people's perspectives.
We'll see how we go, I'm sure there will be some difficult times ahead.
Though times mate, I am glad you both will get away for the day for some time out👍
Thanks mate, we need a little respite from all the talking and decision-making. Will be a nice day I think, we're about to head off shortly.
I can't imagine anyone ever coming to terms with such a difficult decision like that, feeling both anxious, yet helpless at the same time. Best wishes to both Faith, and her mum. I hope that everything will turn out okay <3
It's a difficult decision and many factors have to come into play I guess. At her age, 70, it's unlikely she will live a long life free from related health issues and I guess she's thinking it might be better to have quality, not quantity. If she has the operation and chemo she will spend the next year feeling pretty horrible most of the time. In fact, she has irreparable nerve damage from the last chemo and so her fingers tingle constantly and don't work as well as they used to. A constant reminder of the treatment. It can't be pleasant. I suppose she's thinking of that as well, the possibility of lifetime complications. Who know, other than that the decision needs to be hers.
That's quite a terrible thing to have experienced, plus having to live with it all the time. I'm hoping for all the best from here, even if it means having to make some tough decisions. Stay strong, mate :-D
Difficult times mate! However you are always the one who grabs life by the horns... so I choose something fun for ya :)
“Life is so uncertain: you never know what could happen. One way to deal with that is to keep your pajamas washed.” .... Haruki Murakami.. 1Q84.
Hope you have a good weekend!
Thanks mate, yeah humour helps people to deal with tough situations, so thanks for sharing this quote. My PJ's will ever be washed and ready for life's uncertainties. :)
Sorry to hear the difficult times you will be facing soon but the only comfort is having one another. I know is not much I can do from here but I send you all my support.
Your support is enough. We have to go through this, and to be honest I wouldn't wish it on anyone else. You know, my wife went through it as a kid, when her father had non hodgkin lymphoma...She was 11 when he died. It's disappointing that she has to go through it again with her mum but cancer is often a part of life these days and so go through it we will. I'm sure , before the end, I'll write about it some more, as negative as that will be for others, but for me it helps order my thoughts. Thanks for your comment.
Tough times for Faith for sure, the brain can't help take some of the Mother's situation and project it onto her own, subconsciously adding to the fear. Support is good, and any little subconscious opportunities to keep her Mum's and her situations separate and different. Thinking it and knowing it logically just isn't enough, we've got to "trick" the subconscious into accepting it.
Good to understand, accept and support whatever decision she makes. The surgery and post-surgery would certainly be rough should she decide to take that risk, could be a long and painful recovery with unknown outcome or much guarantee of improvement. Some folks just get tired of dealing with it, and may prefer to take the known route of gradual pain increase until they are just done and ready to move on to the next life. Having watched my father go through it at a young age, that would be my choice.
Best wishes to all my friend. The end is just the beginning.
K
Yep, exactly, the known route provides certainty and eliminates a lot of the what if thoughts a person can have. She had a lot of complications with the chemo last time which almost killed her so she has that in mind also I guess. No guarantee of improvement also plays on the mind I think as you say. It's a tough decision all around and one I hope I never have to make for myself.
Wishing you two a fantastic drive tomorrow.
I wish I had something elequent to say, or have the right words but I i can say that you've been solid as a rock, caring, thoughtful and loving to your family. You're doing the best you can and that I believe both Faith and her mum know that and are appreciative of it.
Wishing you and yours the best possible outcomes with everything.
Enjoy your weekend friend.
The best we can is about all each of us expects and whilst we know there will be moments when one or the other gets annoyed I think we know also that we will deal with it well.
As I was reading your article, I wanted to cry all over again. I know what difficult decisions your face, and I know how hard it is to make those decisions. But they must be made with a clear, level head. And the sooner the better. You can't think straight when you're in the throws of it at the last moment.
I had to make similar decision for my parents. Not help them, but make them because I waited too late. I tried to convince them to take care of matter in good times.
My hubby didn't know how to help. Everything he said and did wasn't right during that time. It was a painful time for me knowing I was the one making the decision to pull the plug on my mom's life with just my signature. So brief a moment for such a huge impact on our family.
Why does this have to happen? Why her? Why me? I feel as though it were yesterday. I'll always feel like that.
Time away no matter if only a few hours helps. A favorite place where good memories were made. It has to be away from the place where the decisions are being made. For me, it was and always will be the beach. The surrounding water feels like it came from my eyes. The salty tears of comfort.
My prayers are with your family.
It's a terrible process to be involved in and no one will really know unless they have been there themselves I guess.
I've not had to make the life or death decision for anyone yet and hope I never have to. With Faith's mum we're lucky that she is quite pragmatic in nature and not one to sweep things under the carpet hoping they disappear. She will be proactive, is being proactive hence the preparations we're making.
Faith and I have a lot on our plates at the moment and it will get more complicated as time goes by, but we'll face it all together and do the best we can. Taking a moment here and there will be good for us as we'll need to recharge and energise to keep us moving forward.
Thanks for your comments and sharing some of your story. I hope you have a great week.
You're welcome. Yes, it's one thing to talk about it, but until you have gone through it, it's surreal. You will get through this together. Have a great week ahead.
Enjoy every sandwich. Warren Zevon was one of my favorite musicians and when asked after his cancer diagnosis if he had any advice that was what he had to share. I can't fathom what you and Faith and her mother are going through, I've been lucky enough to not deal with that sort of thing yet, but y'all have my thoughts and regards.
Enjoy your drive tomorrow. Amid the chaos and stress of big events and big decisions it's usually the little things that keep life bearable.
I like the sandwich quote...Enjoy every little part of life I think is the message and that's good advice as we never know when we won't be able to.
It's tough and will get tougher for us before it gets better; We'll face it all together though and do the best we can and enjoy a few moments of respite when we can, like today.
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Wow. I really feel for your wife situation. I can only imagine how it would be for your wife and her mother. It would be really tough having to take such a decision of risking your life in a low probability things might go well or staying and let the time count down for you.
I hope things get better in a miraculous way for you and your family. Thanks for the engagement reward sent!
May God blessings guide you through this situation 🙏.
Thanks mate, I think things will work out for the best and we'll be ok. I appreciate your kind words though. :)
Yeah it will by God's grace. It's my pleasure. :)
That's a sucky bunch of events to be happening at all never mind piled up. Hope you've managed to get a bit of a mental reprieve :S
We had a nice day, too short, but good nonetheless. We'll get on with things for another week now and see what it brings. I hope you have a good week too.
Oh G....when you described the surgery that Faith's mom should have to take in order to solve this...The choice is difficult and I can't imagine how it must feel to be in such a position. There is a lot of pressure on all of you and a trip to the countryside can be a soothing thing for the heart. I surely do hope everything will sort out well. You are a family of fighters, I admire the courage to talk about it so sincerely and accept the uncertainty and suffering which comes with being alive.
!ENGAGE 20
I've left out all the details of the operation, and Faith's also, but it's fairly serious for sure. I think this is what's giving her pause, making her consider the options as the doctor is unable to give any real clue about the recovery and healing process. With the liver there are six kinds of cancer. One is somewhat treatable, the other five are a death sentence. Until the test is done on the cancer they remove in the operation it will be unknown as to which type she has. Yep, it's a big decision.
Oh my I wish her a lot of good luck and I hope she makes the right decision!
ENGAGEtokens.