In the pursuit of becoming a better person, many people forget about the "happier" person. They think it's aligned, but it's not necessarily. A lot of times, the "better" is defined by the values the society around us holds dear - which doesn't mean they're our own. Wanting to comply with other's expectations is not a good recipe for happiness.
Through not observing what is in the mind of another a man has seldom been seen to be unhappy; but those who do not observe the movements of their own minds must of necessity be unhappy.
Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 2 Chapter 8
I found mine in coherence. Yes, I'm working on myself a lot, trying to become better - but that "better" is now aligned with who I am, deep inside, with my believes and core values. It wasn't always like that, and took quite a long time to get there. And it's still a long road to go.
To a degree, I was always happy. Intrinsically. For some reason, I always had that feeling, like a baseplate on which I constructed everything. And even if I had to tear the construction down, demolish a floor or two and start over, the basement was solid. Only once in my life there was a time so dark that I couldn't feel it. That I felt that I had lost it, was sinking into the mud beneath it.
But my daughter was brought back to me eventually, and since then I've been improving that foundation, amplifying, thickening. I dared to build on it. A lot. I'm confident. It holds strong father-daughter relationship. An almost robust romantic relationship. An unshakable relationship with my whole family. A business that I can stand 100% behind, with an incredible team. And there is a myriad of paths to other houses, to my community.
I remind myself of that happiness. Every time that I go into a fight with Lily's mom. I remind myself of who I am, who I want to be. I do fear those fights, they can all result in a repetition of the events that caused the mentioned dark time. It's stressful, and it's hard to manage the anxiety. But I saddle up anyway.
It's okay to be scared. Fear isn't bad. The enemy of fear is often information. For me, it's coherence. Through working on myself I become more myself. I'm more coherent. The more I meditate on that, the easier it is to include my self in every action of my life. And the more I do so, the better my life becomes.
I become a better father. A better partner. A better friend. A better leader. A better fellow. A better person. And there's nobody left to stop me. The further I advance, the fewer are left to judge me. Just me, judging myself.
If thou workest at that which is before thee, following right reason seriously, vigorously, calmly, without allowing anything else to distract thee, but keeping thy divine part pure, as if thou shouldst be bound to give it back immediately; if thou holdest to this, expecting nothing, fearing nothing, but satisfied with thy present activity according to nature, and with heroic truth in every word and sound which thou utterest, thou wilt live happy. And there is no man who is able to prevent this.
Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 3, Chapter 12
In a post this week, I included my absolute favorite non-Lily pictures, all taken with my wonderful new cellphone. So in this post, I included 3 favorite pictures from my weekend in the text above. They're all from the same space, a local cafeteria where I went with Lily. They have a wild space in the back where Lily loves to play, and it makes for great pictures. Here's why I like the three. I suggest reading each text, and then scroll back up and see if it resonates.
1/ The Bougainvillea is a plant all over Cotacachi. But at Café Intag, it's in such a great shape. It has the perfect conditions I guess, or there wouldn't be this wonderful wall of flowers. And this is just a small part of it. The focus on the front blossom, sticking out, with a diffused flower background is already quite nice, but there's also the contrast between the blue/white sky in the upper left corner, and the light specks in the dark of the lower right corner.
2/ This tree wears wounds like medals. Branches were cut off, outgrowths were conquered and re-integrated, everything about this tree says: I lived, I'm still alive and I give life. Eventually, I will reach the light and fade into it.
3/ Normally, roof tiles are just thrown away. But I guess in an effort to keep the wilderness somewhat clean, these tiles were collected and placed orderly around this tree, just to succumb to time and handling eventually. Like cult members, they formed around their messiahs, clinging on, trying to grow with them into the sky.
Please feel free to engage in any original way, including dropping links to your posts on similar topics. I'm happy to read (and curate) any quality content that is not created by LLM/AI.
Post written for the #weekend-engagement by @galenkp inviting us to answer selected questions in the Weekend Experiences community each week.
This is my response to:
1/ Are you happy with who you are or not? Explain either way with examples and how you might improve.
3/ Your best mobile phone images of something other than selfies...post three and explain where they were taken and what you love about them.
4/ When have you shown personal courage and when have you been fearful - Explain with examples.
Thank you for reading!
You make me miss home! It's been a while since I am seeing that flower 😆