So, relationships, eh? Every time I think I made up the perfect recipe, found everything I wanted, a woman comes along and makes me mix up everything once again. There just is no perfect recipe, it all depends. A whole matrix of possibilities, "what ifs" and variables that even the best excel sheet can't cover.
For us, it was getting to know each other on an honest level. I was going to move to Colombia, there was not much chance of seeing each other again, the sex was great anyway, so why not tell the truth from the beginning? Open up? That was the fundamental for everything, and is until now the most attractive thing about her, for me. Knowing her so well. That she allowed me to know her so well.
Seeing the growth in her, comparing the person 6 years ago to now, the progress she made - that's so incredibly hot. Having someone at my side how doesn't only say "Yeah, I like, you know, to improve, dude, do yoga and stuff" but someone who puts in the work, the tears, the sleepless nights, the pain and everything else that a real person has to pay for real progress, that's priceless. That might just be the main reason we're engaged.
Fundamentals.
But let's play the game. Physical looks, the ability to make you laugh or their job and income? Lucky me, my serious relationships where all with incredibly beautiful women. Naturally beautiful. So yes, physical looks is important to me. Since I'm quite the clown, I can laugh a lot and especially when I shouldn't, without anyone poking me. In general it's the beast that makes the beauty laugh, or we share a laugh through memes, stickers, and insider jokes.
She is stunningly beautiful and funny, with a great sense of humor, but I think what gives me most tranquility in our relationship is that I don't have to provide. She and her brother are on a roll leading Nuevo Sol, and hopefully their effort and genius will show in numbers, soon - but that's only a glimpse into reality, that she was always able to provide for herself and her daughter. It's one thing I don't have to worry about, and that is a huge relief for me, given my prior experiences and the amount of people tha already depend on me. Dependencies, as I learned, distort relationships. It's really hard to maintain unconditional honesty when there is that huge condition of one depending on the other in any way.
But not impossible.
And yes of course I'd kill to save them. Rationally, there might be a few exceptions, but in the choice of them or whatever human, it's always them. And it makes perfect sense, they represent the greatest common factor of values that represent me. It would be incredible stupid to not save that and leave the world to what I perceive as stupidity and plain bad.
I just passed a passage of Marcus Aurelius "Meditations", book 2, chapter 10:
Rightly then, and in a way worthy of philosophy, he said that the offence which is committed with pleasure is more blameable than that which is committed with pain; and on the whole the one is more like a person who has been first wronged and through pain is compelled to be angry; but the other is moved by his own impulse to do wrong, being carried towards doing something by desire.
If I ever get into the situation, I'd be the offence committed in pain. I hope. There is always the possibility of a certain satisfaction of exerting power. Especially the ultimate kind. Then again, I'm vegan for a reason. But animals have innocence as beings that (mostly) don't plan ahead, and besides some cats, I haven't encountered evil animals yet, as judged by a general understanding of fundamental laws (what C.S. Lewis calls the Tao). Humans on the other hand...
Okay. This is getting too confusing for a Sunday evening. I think it's time to go to bed and call it a day, and it was a beautiful one.
Thanks for reading! Cheers!
What are your thoughts about this topic? Please feel free to engage in any original way, including dropping links to your posts on similar topics. I'm happy to read (and curate) any quality content that is not created by LLM/AI.
Post written for the #weekend-engagement by @galenkp inviting us to answer selected questions in the Weekend Experiences community each week.
This is my response to:
2/ What attributes does "the right person" have to attract and engage you. Explain.
4/ What's more important in a partner: Physical looks, the ability to make you laugh or their job and income? Explain.
5/ Would you kill a person to save another? Explain.
Thank you for reading!
I think a good relationship is about two whole people coming together not two halves making up a whole. Does that make sense? People have to be complete within themselves, accepting of and comfortable with who they are. I don't think it works as well if people are fractured within themselves. I hope you understand what I'm talking about.
Becca 🌷
It makes perfect sense. I always say that she enriches my life, but she doesn't make it complete, she doesn't make me happy. I am happy and complete just by myself, but the love, laughter, challenges and perspectives that she adds to my life makes the latter even more fun to live.
While I was fractured, I wasn't a good husband or boyfriend. The more I figured my self out, the better I became at that, too. And so did she. I think we met in a state just ready to support each other doing the work on that.
I'm glad I got my message across. You sound like a very smart and switched on man and I think your partner would love that about you right along side your other positive attributes.
Becca 🌷
Right back at you! 😊