Remember that game? Knights of the Old Republic. At least for me it was the first game that I could PAUSE without really pausing, but making strategic decisions, apply changes, plan spells and hit play again.
But that's games. Not life. Life these days is hectic, decisions every few seconds, pressure, stress, many butterflies and tornadoes all around. We rarely get to choose when to press pause and contemplate the situation. Or so we think. That's what we're supposed to believe.
React NOW!
Or your comment will be forgotten, the trend will go to the next hashtag. Tomorrow's comment on today's news is old, moldy, ridiculous. Don't wait, ever. Empower yourself by being the first to react, always. Show the world that you're capable!
Buy NOW!
Losers wait, winners make. If you feel like it, take it, because you can, you have the power. Your credit card as Atlas' strength, it will carry your life-style of split second decisions. Because you. are. a. BOSS!
Contemplate NOW!
Wait what? Okay... Huh?
Contemplating means taking the "luck" out of decisions. Yes, it can be too much, everything can be too much, balance bla bla bla. Even taking a few minutes to think about the proposed (re-)act reduces the coincidence-factor. Yes, of course every gut decision can be a great one. But I'd go out on a limb here saying that most aren't. That poses a risk, and thinking it through magically diminishes that risk.
Unfortunately, we don't have those pause buttons. Or so we think. Have you every tried it? In a discussion? Instead of letting the emotions overtake you, telling your partner that you need a minute? That minute can mean a lot. It can reset the whole game. And no, it's not weakness as the current stimulant addicted mainstream would like you to believe.
It's pure strength.
Taking a step back in a highly emotional moment is the definition of being human. Controlling your emotions, mastering them without suppressing them, not letting the fight/flight instincts take over in your brain. In those moments, that is true power.
And healthy.
It protects you from saying things that you can't take back. It protects you from doing things you can't take back. It protects you from communicating in an uncontrolled manner, without considering possible outcomes.
I remember a lot of moments where that would've been handy. Many decisions that I didn't think through, reacted emotionally biased and screwed up big time with what I was saying. Wrong words in the wrong moment. Like when Lily's mom wanted to go to Venezuela, and I didn't want to give the written permit because it was too dangerous in my eyes. I told her that she could "lose everything", referring to the luxuries that she had living with me. She thought I wanted to take Lily away myself. In that moment, I wasn't able to measure the weight of my words, nor understand the situation she was in.
Maybe hitting pause wouldn't have changed anything. That's actually quite likely, looking back now, knowing what I know about her. Maybe even with a pause I wouldn't have been able to contemplate - I was a different person back then. But I still wonder. If I had the experience I have now, the mindset, the tranquility - it would've changed a lot.
So, I try to hit pause as often as I can. In discussions. In work. In parenting. Sometimes a few seconds to breath. Sometimes a minute to cool down. Sometimes an hour or a day. I contemplate. I take my time. All so I don't react, but act.
What are your thoughts about this topic? Please feel free to engage in any original way, including dropping links to your posts on similar topics. I'm happy to read (and curate) any quality content that is not created by LLM/AI.
Post written for the #weekend-engagement by @galenkp inviting us to answer selected questions in the Weekend Experiences community each week.
This is my response to:
5/ If you could freeze a complicated, and difficult moment/situation/event in your life, dissect and analyse it and make some changes then start time again applying changes, what event or moment would that be and why?
Thank you for reading!
There's so much pressure to make decisions in the moment because people/companies know that it's not a great deal for you if you think about it... so they create an unnecessary sense of urgency to force your hand.
Completely agree that taking a minute is a massive sign of strength and maturity. You're basically taking control back to make decisions/react in your own time, not on someone else's timeline.
I have seen parents teach their kids to remove themselves from stressful situations so they can regulate their reactions, which I think is great, and hopefully gives those kids a good skill that they continue later in life.
I can't think of any moments offhand that I wish I had taken a moment... I'm sure there is plenty, but I like to think that any moment I might regret has taught me the value of taking my time and thinking things through. If I didn't have those regrettable moments then I might not appreciate the lessons.
I'd never want to miss those regrettable moments, either. They formed me. It's more about what I'd do differently if I was in the same situation now, I think.
I think with time (and if we want to) we find ourselves, we get more coherent, and with that even our immediate reactions become more "ourselves" and coherent, even without taking too much of a break. The ideal would be to remain the calm even during hard discussions, even when it gets emotional, so it's channeled right without causing any breaks.
Yeah, that's a great insight.
I do think I'm much better at resolving conflict than I used to be... but also noticing the signs of where emotions might come into play and deescalating if possible. Definitely communication with my partner seems much, much, much better now than when we started.
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