I've been living life trying to be nice to everybody I met. But the truth I've found out made me realize how much of a fool I was.
I've tried being nice and humble as much as possible since my childhood, and I tried to forgive and forget anything bad that anyone did to me, thinking that only by being nice will others see my worth and respect me.
As much as I want to prove that I'm not any worse than my talented mates and friends, I chose to back off and lay low. And guess what, they started insulting me, saying I was an idiot, that I'm not worthy to be their friends.
There was once my friend who did something hurtful, what he did was just apologize (insincerely), promising that incident won't happen again, then I ended up forgiving him. What's f*cked up about this was that the freaking incident keeps occurring again and again. Then I realized, he was taking things for granted, he didn't value our friendship much. The next thing I know is I cut off my relationship with him, it's pointless to continue being friends with someone who isn't sincere.
Another incident was when I was queuing up for something on sale once, and there was this middle-aged woman who seem to be in a hurry rushing over to the queue, and then, of all places, she chose to cut the queue right in front of me. Seeing that she was in a hurry, I tried to be kind and just kept my mouth shut. The next thing she did was turn to me and sneer, and I was like, "WTF? I was trying to be nice by keeping quiet here and you're insulting me like this?". Then without warning, I said out loud, "HEY! Isn't it rude to be cutting queue like this? Has nobody ever taught you manners?", I remembered I was embarrassing her as much as I could until she was frustrated and walked away.
Don't be the nicest person, be the fairest person.
Don't be the total nice guy, be someone who can differentiate between who you should be nice to and who you should be nasty to. Not everyone will appreciate your big heart and kindness.
- If you're too kind, you get taken advantage of.
- If you're too forgiving, you get taken for granted.
- If you're too humble, you get stepped over by others.
- If you're too helpful, all sorts of shit get thrown at you.
- if you're too optimistic, people will dump negative thoughts at you.
Only by being stronger than, better than, smarter than, fiercer than, and firmer than others will you gain their true respect. There is no sincerity, if you're weaker than someone and you ask them to be kind, they'll only humiliate you. But if you're stronger than them, they'll be more than willing to listen to you and do your bidding.
As I said, I don't believe in being kind to every single person I see on this planet. But I'll choose who deserves my kindness. Life isn't a fairy tale, don't make it seem too beautiful.
I'll offer up a punch to those who take advantage of me.
I'll humiliate the others multiple times they humiliated me.
I'll get stronger and beat up those who once bullied me.
I'll study harder and take over those who've insulted me.
I'll improve as hard as I could and step over those who've once stepped over me.
This is the real truth, the real world where people fight to prove their worth. Everyone focuses on overtaking one another, there are competitions everywhere. If you show weakness for even a second, you're finished.
Do feel free to criticize, I'm obliged to accept all of it.
And this is just my personal opinion from living life for 25 years and having countless friends.
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I can feel pain in your writing. I understand each emotion you expressed. There is truth in many of your sentiments. I want to touch on one thing, though...
I think many people misunderstand humility. Humility is not putting yourself below others. It is not putting yourself down or thinking less of yourself. That's depression and weakness. Humility is confidence. Confidence that you are no worse than anyone else and that you are no better than anyone else. Humility is knowing that you are equal to everyone. That comes with what you said here:
To be fair to everyone is to be humble, in my opinion. When someone's reaction causes them to elevate themselves before you, you can choose to let them see that they are not better than you (telling the lady she is cutting the queue and therefore is acting as a nitwit). When others take advantage of you, you can remind them they are not better than you (relieving them of the benefit of your friendship). Humility is emotional intelligence. You don't get offended, you just get a realization that others see you differently than you see yourself and it is up to you whether you want to correct them, or let them live their lives in their own story.
Thanks for putting this into the world so I could read it and contemplate your words!
Thanks for the help simplifying my complicated words and emotions.
I just want people to realize that there are often motives behind kindness, so as to push ourselves away from disadvantages position. But of course, not all of them are insincere, just that we have to look deep into each and every one we want to befriend.
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