I think I could have written a lot more to explain why I feel guilty although guilty might not be the best word. It's more of questioning myself and what I'm doing and trying to figure out what is important to me, if this is really what I should be spending my time on.

I have fun with it to an extent, but I think I also choose it sometimes cause it's just easier and doesn't require the same level of commitment. There are many layers.

I want to commit to ART, but I also feel I don't have the energy to commit to the art, and then I end up resenting the grind that drains me, and sometimes I end up resenting the content because it also takes my attention and become an opiate that satisfies me enough to not find more radical solutions (like hitchhiking across the country or playing music on the street or something that would challenge me and also lead to physical interactions). I'm going to finish healing up my neck soon, and then we will see, I think everything will get a lot easier then!