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Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder: A Journey Through Grief, Advocacy, and Healing

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is one of the most misunderstood mental health conditions, often shrouded in stigma and confusion. A conversation featuring Paula Tusiani Eng, a passionate advocate for BPD awareness, illuminates the personal and societal difficulties surrounding the disorder, especially from the perspective of those who love individuals diagnosed with it.

The Beginning of the Journey

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Paula's insights are rooted in her direct experience with her younger sister, Pamela, who battled with mental health issues during her college years in 1998. Initially, Pamela was hospitalized due to what was described as a breakdown, but as her struggle continued, she was eventually diagnosed with BPD. This diagnosis didn't come easily; it was only after years of attempting various treatments—most of which were unavailable or inadequately supported—that her family truly understood what Pamela was facing.

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The stigma surrounding BPD was palpable, as even the literature available at the time did not adequately capture its complexities. Paula recalls their frantic search in bookstores for information following Pamela’s diagnosis, a stark contrast to the wealth of resources available today. Despite the medical community’s growing awareness of BPD, Paula's family was left navigating a system that seemed unjust and unprepared to assist them.

The Tragic Loss

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Sadly, Pamela passed away in 2001—not from suicide or an overdose, common occurrences associated with BPD—but as a result of a medication error linked to her treatment. The trauma that followed was profound, leaving Paula and her family in a state of grief and confusion, grappling with guilt while facing the reality that their attempts to save Pamela were met with systemic failures.

Paula describes this period as a tormenting vortex, filled with legal battles against the institutions that were meant to care for Pamela. The resolution of this litigation offered little solace; instead, it amplified the urgency for advocacy and support for families impacted by BPD.

The Power of Storytelling

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In the wake of their loss, Paula and her mother, B Tusiani, channeled their grief into something constructive. They authored a book titled Remnants of a Life on Paper: A Mother and Daughter’s Struggle with Borderline Personality Disorder. Through this memoir, they sought to give voice to Pamela's experiences while also documenting the family’s journey, fostering a deeper understanding of BPD’s impact on both individuals and their loved ones.

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The book resonated with many, sparking conversations and connections that could not have been anticipated. As they shared their experiences, community members began reaching out, revealing shared stories and urging for more action in support of individuals with BPD. This collective response soon led to the creation of Emotions Matter, a nonprofit organization dedicated to advocacy, education, and support for those affected by BPD.

Emotions Matter: A Beacon of Hope

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Emotions Matter aims to empower individuals living with BPD through peer support, education, and advocacy. The organization operates on the understanding that recovery is a journey best undertaken with community support and shared lived experiences. Paula emphasizes that individuals struggling with BPD are often far more than their diagnosis. They are artists, writers, professionals, and, importantly, individuals deserving respect, understanding, and care.

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The organization has grown significantly since its inception, adapting its programming to the needs of the community. They’ve created a variety of resources—both online and offline—to ensure comprehensive support is accessible to individuals with BPD regardless of geographic location or financial barriers. Their commitment to providing advocacy and education aims to dismantle stigma while amplifying the voices of those who often feel overlooked.

The Path Forward: Advocacy and Future Goals

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One of the organization's critical missions is to advocate for better access to treatment and more substantial policies for individuals with BPD. Paula shares her vision for the future, highlighting the need for updated definitions of what constitutes serious mental illness, an important factor that influences funding and resource availability.

Paula's experiences have led her to understand that to change narratives around BPD, society must evolve in its recognition of the disorder as legitimate and deserving of appropriate care. The stigma surrounding BPD has been largely perpetuated by outdated beliefs and a lack of understanding, and Paula urges that education is the path forward for both families and individuals affected.

Advice for Families and Individuals Battling BPD

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To anyone navigating their own BPD journey, Paula offers two key pieces of advice:

  • Trust Yourself: Individuals should trust their instincts and feelings as they seek diagnosis and treatment.

  • Don’t Give Up: The journey towards recovery is difficult, but resilience is crucial. Lives matter, and individuals have much to contribute beyond their diagnosis.

For family members of those with BPD, Paula emphasizes the importance of having compassion and understanding. BPD symptoms can create immense distress not only for those afflicted but also for their loved ones. She encourages families to pursue education and support network-building, creating an environment where open communication can thrive.

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The overarching message is one of hope and connection. The stories of those affected by BPD can foster understanding and light the way towards a more compassionate approach to mental health care.

Concluding Thoughts

Paula Tusiani Eng’s journey through the grief and advocacy landscape surrounding BPD is a testament to the power of resilience and community. Through her family's story, she has transformed personal tragedy into a movement aimed at educating, supporting, and advocating for those living with Borderline Personality Disorder.

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As society becomes more aware of mental health issues, organizations like Emotions Matter continue to strive for increased accessibility, awareness, and compassion. No longer should individuals or families suffer in silence; rather, they should be empowered to seek solidarity in advocacy, education, and healing.

For more information about Emotions Matter and its resources, please visit emotionsmatterbpd.org.