Let It Snow

I always thought the title of that song was kinda amusing. Like you can let anything do what it is going to do. I guess you can make up your mind to accept what is and then go a step further and make up your mind to enjoy what is.

Yep, I am blathering about things again. This week, a week that was supposed to be my bit of downtime before a sixteen week semester of mind-tryingness, has been one for the form-trying record books. Most things that could happen, did, along with some very unexpected ones.

Now, I am not one who is going to air any of my laundry on the Interwebs, but I am like all other people in that I have a family, and where you have families you have, well, personalities. When you combine personalities and love and expectations, you get conflict. When you combine that with unresolved conflict, the realities of aging, impending death, and hurt feelings, you get drama.

And this week, I got it on multiple fronts!

The thing is, I am not here to complain. Nope. I am here because I like to share with you all how I cope and I am trying to grow through all this life detritus. When you are in the middle of hurtful and painful situations, the last thing you want to do is to stop and reframe your perceptions or think about the what you are facing in a different key. If I am honest, a lot of the time I would like to yell, stomp my feet a bit, and move to Argentina.

Ain't it grand to be human?!

After a particularly heart-wrenching conversation, I found myself baking and cleaning as I tried to process all that I had just traversed with a family member. It's so easy to let entrenched thought and behavioral patterns dictate our behavior and state. I know I have done so many times, and will probably continue to do so, but I also know that I can now catch myself in the act, and using a ton of energy and will, pause and redirect.

So, what's this mean? Well, thanks to learning, growing, and putting into practice, I am sitting here typing this in a state that I don't normally dwell in after such emotional catastrophes. Aside from feeling a bit wrung out, I feel, dare I say it, just dandy. Letting go of old perceptions really does give you the freedom to navigate in the moment, and for me, that is a new state.

My brain is weird, I tend to see the entirety of a scenario based on analysis of factors and patterns of personality behaviors. Over the course of my life that trait has brought about a ton of anxiety and along with it, awesome autoimmune disease.

But, after a lot of study, learning, and grace, I am starting to learn how to combat that pattern. It's taken a lot of work, and I still stumble, but you know what, today proved that I can get upset at upsetting situations, but I also don't have to internalize that upset and perpetually suffer or harm myself over what is and what can be.

Progress not perfection is a thing ya'll.

That said, I am still a little discomforted about what's ahead of me. A very demanding semester in college, multiple trips with the boy, his graduation, and leaving to the military for years, aging and the leaving of this life for many family members, and a few other things I don't wish to opine about here. Everything is swirling together to potentially form a tornado of holy whoa-topia.

But you know what, I don't have any control over that. I only have control over what I think about it and how I choose to act, as do we all, and my desire is to be a good example of that fact in how I conduct myself through this and the coming tribulation.

We'll see how it goes. And as I know each and every one of you are experiencing all the things as well, you all get huge digital hugs and positive vibes from this Kat, hang in there, just like a motivational kitten poster says, but better! 😊

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And as most of the time, all of the images in this post were taken on the author's not related to anyone except perhaps in the elemental sense, iPhone.

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