You've probably seen the ads - "Need some cash fast? Drive for Death Dash!"
Well I needed some cash fast, the startup I had gone to work for had gone bust, and rent was due in a week. As surprising as it may sound I had ground accustomed to living indoors, even if I had two roommates.
Anyway, I downloaded the app, watched the training videos about safety precautions, treating the deceased and the bereaved with courtesy, and passed the online test with with a score of 96-percent! Two-days later Fed-Ex dropped off a big package at the door - my Death Dash (TM) robe, scythe, mask, gloves and the Death Dash magnet for my car. That evening I ran into 7-11 got a bag of combos and a large coffee, and excitedly logged into the app, and clicked "Ready to Drive."
Within 15-minutes I had my first Death Dash! Only ten-minutes away, I clicked accept and got on the road. There was plenty of parking complex, and I found the unit with no problems. It was a 85 year old grandmother, who lived alone with three cats. The door was unlocked - so I knocked and entered - she had passed away half an hour ago. I read her the script right off the app, and if she asked if I could feed the cats, and let her neighbors know. "Sure" I replied.
"Thanks, it will probably be a week before my no-account son notices I'm gone! You're a nice young man though," she said.
"You're sweet mam, thank you for making my first Death Dash easy.", I said and got a bit teary behind my mask. With a wave I dispatched her immortal soul on to eternity, with the Death Dash scythe. I fed the cats, and knocked on her neighbors door - and they promised to call the no-account son, and feed the cats. With the I clicked "Death Dash Complete" and went and sat in the car waiting for the next trip. This Dash had paid $17.50 for just over 30-minutes work - not bad. I might even make rent, I thought.
Well the rest of the night went from easy to worse. A promo offer popped up on the Death app, "Do Five Dashes in the next two-hours and get an extra $50!" It sounded great but - right in the middle of evening traffic. I even spilled coffee on myself rushing across town. The family of the last client was particularly rude, wanting to know who was going to handle the body! "Sorry folks I'm just Death Dash - we just handle the souls, call Corpse Cart for the meat." I clicked complete just in time to receive the bonus.
I got out of there with my stomach in knots, I definitely needed to reduce my stress. Maybe a nice herbal tea would be better when driving then the coffee. I'm too young for an ulcer! Not paying the rent, was not an option - so I'd be back out in the morning with robe and mask driving for Death Dash. I saw they had option that if I made it into the top 25% of Death-Dashers, that health insurance would even kick in, which would be great - maybe I could get that ulcer looked at!
This freewrite was inspired by the prompt at the FreeWriters community at
https://inleo.io/@daily.prompt/6-january-2025-mariannewests-freewrite-writing-prompt-day-2609-decrease-the-stress
Posted Using InLeo Alpha
This is incredibly creative and was an absolute treat to read. It’s ironic that I can relate to this. I previously did Instacart for well over a year and currently work in nursing care as a driver and I’ve recently learned I must with the deaths of residents whom I grow close with. Yet my sense of humor absolutely allows me to satirize all of it mentally, perhaps that’s how I deal with it all and am happy in such a sickly environment.
When we lived in Hawaii we wanted to be able to volunteer for a political campaign and set our own schedules so we quit our regular jobs for a year and did Instacart and Uber-Eats. I had fun with it but the mileage could be rough. Sometimes I would take an order just because I enjoyed driving to the particular area of the Island.
Thanks for reading!
Mileage and lack of good paying orders made it a bust for me in the end. I do love driving and exploring though, so I’m glad I have a more consistent driving job now.
Death Dash doesn't sound like the worst job ever. I wonder.. did you earn enough to pay the rent and does that app mention the average time the employees work for the company?
I should have included those elements in the story. Maybe with a fake Sub-Reddit with Death Dash drivers complaining about their working conditions or the stress!
who know good for a next episode. It was a great read. Thanks you for sharing.
Thank you for reading!
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