I think the cost is more important when it is only one party that is interested - if both enjoy it, cost is easier to justify - within reason.
I wonder how many things could become more healthy surrogate habits for addicts - do pets help?
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The really large first step is to believe and admit that it might be a problem. Then substitute habits can come into play.
In drugs and alcohol there is such a physical context that has to be dealt with that the mental part is almost secondary early on.
I have never been much of an addict, so have to work to try to understand it. I noted from when I was very young that I was never really a fan of anything, sport or a band, a car manufacturer or a clothing brand - I have wondered if there is a relationship between the systems in some way, where people who "commit" to a specific thing in support are more likely to have some kind of addictive personality. Genetics obviously plays a huge role in all of this and perhaps my "disinterest" in a narrow topic of some sort is also some kind of insulation from addiction. I don't know - just speculating :)
You know? I've studied it pretty carefully for the last 30 years and I've really got no answers outside my self.
It seems to cut across all lines. I've been going to meetings in multiple locations for 30 years and I don't think anybody knows exactly why. I know I liked the effect of alcohol the first time I drank and was a black out drinker by the time I was 18. I actually straightened out some in my early 30s. If you call delaying the black out until I was home for the day straightening out. I was much more acceptable to society in that way. A successful day for me was if I made it to my bed before I passed out. Maybe 50% of the time. I was a trusted employee, and I did a lot of good work. A lot of shit work too.
Genetics doesn't seem to play a part for me. My mother's children have no addiction tendencies, and I've told my father's children that I am a recovering alcoholic and none of them have risen to that bait.
I just don't know. Amazingly, why is not even a consideration for me. What I can do to keep from that is everything.
I have a theory that the addictive genetics are going to present in different ways - if they present at all. Gym junkies might be alcoholics with a different focus.
It sounds like your life was a bit of a rollercoaster - do you think that if you had the option to go back to that 30ish age knowing what you do today, would you have worked harder to get a handle on it? (or whatever age would have been a turning point)
No. Matter of fact, I think I was alcoholic from the first drink (or damn near to it). I can't tell you how many times I said "I'm not going to have a drink today". That started in my late teens and it didn't come true until I was 39.
I spent the last 10 years trying to moderate, or at least save my worst for home. It was brutal hard work.
I was not sober for a full day from age 20 to 39. I missed much of the 70s and 80s.
I do think that you are correct with how the urge presents. Gym Junkies, some hunters, maybe clean freaks all could be exactly the same.
I had a really good friend that was in a long term relationship with an abuser and alcoholic. She said "I've done both. Go back to the hitter AND pick the bottle back up. They are exactly the same thing."
Thanks for answering, I know that this is a very personal thing.
It is interesting to think that some people have such an "attraction" to something that from the first drink, it has taken root. I haven't experienced anything like that, with anything ever.
There are many ways to abuse the body and the body of others. We seem to be destined to exercise them daily.
I don't mind talking about it, long as there's no drama involved. Really.
Most don't. I know or have known some people that 'drank their way to alcoholism' but they are fairly rare.
We make up maybe 20% of the population and roughly 10% of us find a way to sober up. Roughly 90% of alcoholics die drunk. Those are the ones I weep for.
We had a memorial meeting on Monday for a member that died Saturday morning (cancer). It is truly a celebration of her life. In our circle that is known as 'graduating.' To die sober.
In all honesty the whole experience has made me a much stronger person.