Drive of Sacrifice

I don't know why, but last night I just couldn't get to sleep properly and each time I dozed off, something would trigger me to wake back up and the process would start again. This used to be a nightly occurrence once upon a time, however once I started using my brain more, it subsided. Which now has me thinking - am I mentally slacking?

Perhaps.

It is not that I am not doing anything, as I am doing a lot, but perhaps it is that it is a lot of low-grade activities that only challenge me due to their volume, not their content. And, because of all of what is going on, I am not writing as much as I would like, which is generally a sink for mental power for me, drawing any extra energy there might be available, leaving me drained and ready for sleep in the evening. The amount of work is draining still, but in a different way.

Now however, due to the near absence of sleep, I am having trouble focusing, which is why I came to the office instead of working from home. At least here, I will get "something" done, even if it isn't overly productive. It also means I can spend a few minutes talking with colleagues, which is an important part of working life for me, personally and professionally, as if there is little to like in the people I work with, I am unlikely to get engaged in what I do - especially since my job is an internal enablement role.

I don't know how people work in places where they don't like their colleagues.

Do it for the money alone, I guess?

It is interesting to consider what we would do for the money and, how much. There is the job component and of course, the "Indecent Proposal" of it, as well as how much harm we are willing to cause or, pain willing to inflict. What is worse, selling weapons for hundreds of millions, or killing someone over hundreds?

What are you willing to do and for how much?

"I would never" seems to be said often, but when there is enough money on the table, is it true? Is there really the concept of "priceless"?

Perhaps for some things.

But for most, I think there probably is a price and for many, that price is incredibly low, often dictated by local values. What is the price to "take a life" in your city? That is probably a darkweb search, but in some places, it really isn't very much by all reports and in many places, taking a life is done for the chance of a small score out of a wallet, an amount that is unknown before the killing.

We live in a strange world.

Don't we?

It is hard not to get depressed at the state of this world at times, as even though we all play a part in the outcomes, there seems to be some who play more of a part than others, on both the positive and the negative sides. And while it is easier to look at the big macro problems of the world, perhaps the most depressing is what happens at the micro local level, where we interact directly with people who are much like us, trying to do the best they can too.

Though "best" is relative to the individual, as are the hierarchy of importance of life activities and desires. We are all willing to work hard at something, what that "something" is might differ greatly however, as might white be willing to be incentivized to do it.

A lot of people don't want to work for a wage and will work very hard not to do so, for far less return than if they just got a job. Some are willing to kill others for what they could get paid in a 40 hour week.

Strange world.

But, while we might be willing to do a lot for money, what are we willing to forego and endure to follow our dreams? What are we willing to give up for love?

Not an easy answer perhaps, because what most of us are doing in this life, are choosing to work for money to meet our living needs, at the expense of following what we actually want to do. But, many of those who claim they are doing what they want to do, are struggling to live and not enjoying that experience either. Very few are able to find a way to satisfy both and I don't think anyone is able to fulfill both sides completely.

It is a world of sacrifice.

Taraz
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