Dude. Seems like we were just talking minutes ago, and you already wrote an article.
What did I do? Still waiting for the sun to rise. Made coffee. Drank coffee. Sat by the fire and stared at the flames. Some wake and bake. Didn't really sleep much to be honest. On and off again.
You're a thinking machine. But I was doing some thinking myself.
Where does this recklessness come from? Well I'm fucking bored. In life I inject chaos to find balance and create interest. Not really into routines and comfort zones make me uncomfortable. But the safety net exists (financially but in general as well) and that's the one thing I won't fuck with (risk). Crazy and chaotic, in the mix all the time, can't even help myself most days, just let it happen and deal with it. Consider it an accomplishment. I fucking survived another one.
Because the net is there. If I crash I'll be fine because I made damn sure to walk that thing and inspect every spring and rope and knot and everything else, like a preflight inspection. Then off I go on my next adventure.
Good times even in the bad times. And there's still a chance that net could break. I've hit bottom and somehow survived that shit, too.
It is not like it once was. My head is far more scattered.
Wy wife and daughter did similar... Though, it probably is a bit of a different thing.
(random internet image)
This is what I am working toward and while it is unlikely I will have it "in time" - maybe my daughter will benefit from it. A couple weeks ago I wrote an article about a friend who is looking at career paths and reasons why to do something. I take many paths, but the overarching goal is to build a safety net, so I can take some risks.
This is the lesson, isn't it? If you know you can survive bottom, where is the risk?
Yeah that's not the kind of baking I was talking about but, suddenly, and unsurprisingly, I sure am hungry.
I have two daughters, much older. Might be a grandfather before I'm 50 so yeah, a line that stuck with me ever since I heard it, "Happiness only real when shared." Chris McCandless said that. An interesting human.
Where is the risk? Well, I think, like a game, we only get so many lives. Can burn through a couple testing things out but eventually you get down to those last few, and that's when it's time to get down to brass tacks and finish the game.
Or like a bouncy ball. Eventually the momentum is lost. Of course people don't want that to happen but part of me thinks it's a universal law and applies to everything.
:D
The bouncy ball is the one that connects the most with me - the "universal law" of it sounds about right. Energy only stays in a form for so long, before it moves onto something else.
Yeah dude. Peaks and valleys, they say. After enough experience with struggles in life I'm starting to think there truly is no bottom. One is just in the moment, and it's shitty, but it could be worse; and I've experienced worse. Sure I could sit there and compare, find the shittiest of all, but they were all shitty, regardless.
Since there's no bottom, there's no top. Best day of my life was overpowered by, that other good day. Once again you're in the moment with plenty of room to go in either direction, regardless of standing.
It's strange though because if you think you're at the top, there's only one place to go and that's down. Think you're at the bottom, the only place to go is up. Moral of the story is: Never convince yourself you're done.
Can you tell I'm stoned?
No more than normal.
The "top and bottom" of life is interesting as, there really is neither, until the bitter end, or that glorious end - whichever way it goes. I assume that heaven is BS, because we are human and no matter how perfect it is, it'd never be perfect enough for us, meaning that it can't be heaven.
I think heaven is described as the opposite of jail, so be good or you're going to jail.
Don't need to die to experience the good life. That's all they're trying to say.
As for that final day, when those eyes close, man, you start dreaming.
Go to sleep at night, what happens? An entire world to explore inside your head, and no concept of time. I've lived entire weeks inside there only to wake up and it's twenty minutes later and I missed my show.
That final dream will feel like an eternity. Won't even know you're gone. And some people have nightmares, I guess.
I am hoping it is fade to black and that is it - not because I don't want to explore more, but perhaps, I need the rest.
BTW, thanks for being the trigger to reflect a bit :)
Wasn't the first time. Won't be the last.