Goodbye Online Dating

This might sound like a counterintuitive post to place in the Self Improvement Community, but for a long time, years actually, I've wondered why I put myself out there on dating sites. They worked pretty well for me when I lived in New England. Maybe New Englanders are just that weird that these sorts of overtures

Love Me

worked pretty well for them, too.

Or maybe I've grown more reclusive and less personable as I've spent the last seven years in rural Michigan.

In any case, online dating here is really bizarre. I-feel-like-an-Alien bizarre.

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I once met a beautiful prison psychologist. We spent a fair bit of time writing on the dating app, then had a fantastic hours-long phone conversation before making plans to meet. She spent most of the date speaking in Eric Cartman's voice while making fun of her prison patients and yelling at drunk men who were just a weeee bit larger than me.

I've been kissed like a sibling. Which felt sad for both of us.

The straw that broke the camel's back was recently being broken up with multiple times, then told "I love you," all on the same day, by the same person, on the second date.

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Of course, there have been been run-of-the-mill "guy experiences" too, which absolutely pale in comparison to what women experience. Where I write thoughtful messages and 19/20 times never get replies and feel sad, the women I do speak with let me know about the torrent of phalluses flooding their inboxes on a daily basis. Which, what the hell - guys. Guys.

I don't even know where to start.
How about, don't until she asks
which she likely won't
ever.

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Once I heard online dating better described as "online meeting" or "online introducing," and for the life of me I wish I could remember who came up with these terms so I could give her the credit. But they're so apt; you write, exchange written basics or a little more, voice verify, and it might be a week/weeks until you are sitting down together and exchanging all 100% of the human spectrum of communication. Because until you're in person, you're lucky if you're getting 15-20%.

An old friend from high school, whenever she saw me, would give me these extraordinary hugs, breathe deeply through her nose and say I still smelled like me. There are a few people I recognize by their natural smells, but it's rare.

But forget the knock-you-over-the-head smells. Those pheromones. And facial expressions, body language, combined with vocal language. You know how you meet someone in person and just know there's enormous potential to explore?

Online dating strips all of that away. Anyone can write great things. Meet, and it's all upside down.

Don't get me wrong - I'm thrilled for the successes people have had. I'm thrilled for the successes I have had. And I'm grateful for all the things I've learned about my own behaviors in dating, many of which I wouldn't have learned without online dating. It's honestly made me a better person.

It's just that I'm going to rely on old-school pheromones again. It'll probably take longer, but I'm good with that. There's anticipation in feeling less alien and more human.