I've recently been called a few things, none of them true, but all of them hurtful. I'm ok, it takes more than a few baseless words from an insignificant, ignorant, nugatory and pointless individual to keep me down for too long; but the words hit me in a soft spot that brought up some things I usually keep in check.
Vituperation
I'll admit that anger was my initial thought, and if I'm totally candid I am still rather angry, however as the comments sank in I began to think, think back to be more precise, at moments in my early life which were extremely hurtful, physically and emotionally. I don't often think about it now, but something that has had such a profound affect upon a person is often difficult to completely lock away. So, those thoughts bubbled up and I found myself feeling less than good...because of words designed to hurt me.
I went for a walk this afternoon; my work day was stressful, I've been sleeping poorly, have some very serious real-life issues to work around and with this other thing...I just needed some fresh air. It was, the walk I needed to have, with no phone calls, no music, just the crunch of the path beneath my boots, and my thoughts.
I've been around for a while now and have, for quite some time, been pretty good at ordering things in my mind, determining importance, and eliminating that which is unimportant. In thinking about this little situation though, I realised I'd not done so and for this reason I was vexed. In fact, I was more annoyed at myself than the vitriolic, filthy individual and his vituperation.
We have the ability to choose how people affect us, what power we allow them to have over us and, if a person knows how, and tries hard enough, nothing a person says can really touch us. I guess it comes down to mindset, attitude and inner-strength.
Unsafe
When I was a child I was terribly treated by others through their racial vilification and the physical and emotional abuse continued for years. I learned about people and their behaviours, and myself and my own behaviours, from an early age though, so there was something positive; but most days were terrible, full of fear and pain.
I remember coming home one day, so distraught, emotionally drained, bruised in places with a ripped shirt, yet again. I was six years old.
My mother helped me out of my shirt and, after some wiping of tears, patching of scrapes and bruises and a hug or two we sat down to mend the shirt together. As my mum stitched the seam I told her that I'd not go back, ever. I told her I couldn't go back to school or they would kill me. Thinking about it now, as an adult, I can't imagine what that must have been like for her to hear; her child so afraid.
It was then she suggested that maybe I needed a magic charm to help keep me safe from the taunts and abuse, something that only I knew about but would allow me to focus my mind upon, to draw magic power from which would make me impervious. I wanted to be safe and so I agreed.
The purple thread
My mother took a little spool of purple thread from her sewing kit telling me it was magic thread. My eyes went wide and I inched forward. I was six so had no reason not to believe her.
She unpicked one of the buttons on my shirt and re-sewed it on with that purple thread. I was intrigued as to how this little thread was going to save me, but I believed it would and as she sewed the button on I had visions of walking into school, head held up, shoulders squared, safe from harm. I made mum sew a button on all of my school shirts that day and somehow, I felt a little safer and stronger with each. That's what my mum had told me the thread would do. She'd said it would mean that no matter what happened they couldn't reach inside me to my inner-self and so I'd be safe, no matter what.
I still got taunted, hit, tripped and pushed, spat on and ostracized at school...but what those kids didn't know was that in my mind I was safe and that no matter what they did or said, it didn't reach me.
Safe
Over the course of my life I've had to do some incredibly difficult things; I've held myself out there at risk physically and emotionally and the fact that I'm writing this post indicates I survived it all. I don't know how I've done what I've done, I just did it. Was it ownership of my thoughts, attitudes and actions that helped? Yes, I think so...but I also had another secret weapon in my arsenal. That purple thread.
You see, back when I was a kid, that day my mum sewed that button on with purple thread, she taught me how to sew buttons; I got really good at it too.
I guess you could say it became an emotional rally-point for me, that purple thread, because I've sewn a button using purple thread onto every buttoned shirt I've owned, since that day. It became a thing for me, a reminder to stay in the fight, to work harder, to have better thoughts and attitudes and to act with honour and integrity, as I saw it. That purple thread became a standard I'd carry into battle, no matter what that fight was: Professional life, sporting, relationships, financial...it didn't matter, I'd carry that standard and be better at what I did. It kept me safe, emotionally, and that kept me safe physically.
I returned from my walk today; thoughts of that day my, now deceased, mother sewed that button to that shirt in mind, and wondered if she ever knew how powerful that talisman she'd given me really was, how powerful the lesson. It's something I've carried throughout my life and has enabled me to *order things I in my mind and to give them power, or to take it away. It's a mindset and attitude.
These thoughts also confirmed in my mind the need to be resolute, steadfast and true to my perception of honour and integrity; sure, others might not like it and may call me hateful things, but does it matter? No it doesn't. What matters is that I remain true to the man I have become, the man that was shaped from an early age by brutality, vilification and hate, and caring, kindness, love and that purple thread.
Design and create your ideal life, don't live it by default - Tomorrow isn't promised so be humble and kind
I took this image of the lavender spring.
Nugatory is a great word.
And so is the thing with purple thread. And even more amazing that you can sew on buttons, that is one of my least favourite repairs XD
Are you feeling at least a tiny little bit better now? Long distance hugs if you want them :)
Oh yeah, I wanted to use it in this post as I think it's not used anywhere near as often as it should be.
I was more annoyed than upset I guess, angry too as being called those things, which I've outlined in other comments on this post, don't sit well with me. I'm all good though, you know me. I'll just continue on my way, deal with nugatory sorts like this chap how I see fit and be content.
I'm always up for it, you know that.
And yeah, sew buttons on, darn socks, iron, do the washing...I can do many useful things.
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This brought me tears, both for the little boy that had to endure through that and for the touching gift that you were given by your mother and the fact that you still carry it forward. I do believe it is these little things that we need to desperately hold onto when life continues to pull punches and we start to fall. We need to dig deep and find something to put us back in the fight and often it's a small yet powerful memory that does it.
A beautiful memory that you have so kindly shared with us. Keep it close and never let the hurtful words dent your armour, the person on the other side probably doesn't know (or care) what their words can do. Don't let them bring you down and don't you ever let them make you fall. Hold onto that purple thread Galen.
My experiences helped make me a pretty strong individual, mentally and emotionally, and that means I have had the ability to do what's required of me over the years. I'm also quite tough on people, when they behave in the manner this person has, and when they show no ownership and responsibility for their actions and act in an entitled manner. It's how I am, due to the behaviours of others and how I've had to deal with it. I'm not unhappy about that though, as I learned many things about people, and myself, that have caused me to push through things, stand tall and do what's required.
People like this character don't mean a thing and can't touch me to be honest, it's a good position to be in, but sure, sometimes I'm that kid who didn't think he'd survive all those years ago, and then I harden the fuck up again. Thanks for your comment.
You are an example to everyone Galen. I have a lot of respect for you being able to push through it and stand tall, I am sure that others feel the same.
Sometimes we deal with things like this and simply have to keep on trucking, but I know it doesn't make it any better in the moment when it's happening. We all have moments when we are that little kid, but we just have to remind ourselves that we got past that, we endured, we survived and we're still here. I'm glad you are.
Have a better day.
I think you left the word bad out right before the word, example.
It's enough right? I mean, what more is there?
Lol, no I don't think I omitted any words 😝
It's enough, I'm happy that is the case!
Yep a very sad story and if you think about, nobody needs to be treated that way. Been there myself, but my mother first gave me a hiding and then sewed my torn clothes.
Somehow it made me a very tough bugger and I soon started getting my own back, but I have learned one thing. That one guy that called me Satan's son was only showing me his vile self. Whatever he said to me, he said about himself and it had nothing to do with me, as he only needed a target to pour his black heart out. So I let it all wash over and past me and laughed at him.
You are an okay guy and whatever anyone says about you, they are in fact saying about themself.
Just my way of looking at things.
I like the, saying it about themselves, ethos. I have found, over my life, that those who vomit such words designed to hurt others are often the most in need of some soul searching and an attitude adjustment; of course, I've also found they are the least likely to take the ownership required for such change to occur.
Also, being okay is ok with me, I work on being a little more ok each day - Sometimes I succeed.
Been here +5 years now and I have never insulted anyone. It is a matter of respect for the self and all others. All life is sacred, but nowadays that thought have flown out of the window and it is a free for all.
So we just have to endure and forgive in order not to drop down to the same level mate.
Yeah, I know right? It doesn't seem like too difficult a thing witter, being personable. Some don't seem to be capable though.
Sadly so my friend and one can never generalize when it comes to the human race, as we are all so much different. Good cloths and bad cloths there will always be, but the great thing is that one can throw the bad cloths away.
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BEER.There is wisdom in your story. Its something I can relate to as well. As a child moving from country to country, schools to schools... The new guy / not one of us will often start with curiosity and end up with challenged violence. However being kids, there is always those guys in school... always. Its universal, its global, its embedded in every culture. I realize as painful as it might be experienced, in a different light I see it was meant to be....it is the very steel and hammer that forged you to who you are now with the mindset tuned and body toned to influence others in ways you want the world ideal to your standards and ways of life.
In a way you create a culture of your own... you create you own circle of ideas, social behaviors, and customs among those closest to you and create change through influence. The result of it all would be a chance to be prepared for a much more effective fight or flight causality better than your own. Because through my logic it seems that they are going to disappear... if so then better know how to handle them through the experiences of the past.
As a Korean-American-married to Taiwanese with a new generation of children... to face the world without a defined culture or nationality... As hard it was in the past will not mean it will get any easier in the future. And soon enough my kids will need to face "those guys" in thier reality. The difference in that time would be that I will have the magic purple thread supercharged and made into an entire shirt than just holding a button... evolve mums methods...
Pain seems to be a valuable experience for humans to know how not to experience the same to others through owns influence.
Its rather difficult for me to explain but if I say it in a rough way~ Is... people like Martin Luther King had a dream and vision of how the world was to become... his influence contributed to a world that its became today. Is it perfect? No... not at all. However his influence was able to change the very thinking to everyone that racism is no good for everyone. That was not possible to think of in peoples brain back then.... as dumb as it may sound today.
I think you have built an ethical standard which kinda speaks for itself dont you think? :) It influences one by one...
Ahhhh... too much thoughts. Great read man... Thanks for sharing a part of your personal life which is not easy to share. Your much stronger than you think... At least I can read it through your context in your stories.
Being brown in an Australia that was only just a few years post White Australia Policy, and living in a small rural town taught me many lessons, and caused me to work hard at my own ethical standards which, I might add, I uphold to this day. My experiences, whilst as a child were quite hurtful, have made me a rather hard person now; resilient, resolute and able to act as I see fit, under the framework of honour and integrity as I see it, as I say in this post. That's not to say I don't have a softer side, though of course, like most people.
I've done things in life that punished bad actors and in so doing I applied my ethical standard, and other elements, to affect it and I'm not one to be swayed from the course, certainly not from vitriolic name-callers; indeed, that sort of behaviour strengthens my resolve.
Racism doesn't sit well with me and I'm not at all racist; it's the individual who speaks for himself/herself with deeds and voice and it's the individual who will be weighed and measured. Mistaking me for someone who won't act though, is a mistake.
Being called a Nazi, anti-Semitic, racist and white supremist is never going to sit well with me, due to my cultural background, experiences and ethos and I'll not find it in my heart, the softer side of me, to forgive such unfounded slander.
You said this and spoke truly...and, in truth, I know it. Mistaking anything in me for weakness of character is a mistake.
I think you understand a little more now and certainly I can imagine your experiences to have ben the same or similar in nature to mine. Children can be cruel, as can adults. I'm one who is ok in punishing those who are cruel needlessly...and still make it home to cuddle my beloved cat and build Lego.
Wow... I can barely imagine living through a childhood like that. Your Mom was a very wise woman.
I also can't imagine a full grown adult calling others vile names. Many times I believe it is because they are insecure and have never learned to deal with their own hurts. Imagine running out of intelligent things to say to the point that name calling is the only option you can think of.
Thank goodness that even if someone calls us something, that doesn't mean that is what we are. That we know that is what counts.
I enjoyed your story of the purple thread.
She had her own experiences and I guess that helps shaped her as mine did me. I was lucky to have the upbringing I did, not perfect of course, but one that equipped me well for my life.
Indeed, and with this individual I mention in this post I'd say that's exactly the case. Of course, I doubt he would say these things with such alacrity to my face...I'd give him some more hurts to move along with. Lol.
Thanks for your comment and nice words, I appreciate it.
Enjoyed reading this, thanks for sharing! It's amazing how much influence something in the past can have on our lives.
Experiences shaped us into who we are today. Lessons of the past are what help us get through difficulties in the present.. I never thought a strong man like you have been bullied.. I did experience bullying when I was in primary school, but not to that point...probably because I was a girl..boys really do like brawling 😅...
For sure, your mother is proud wherever she is now, of the outcome of those sewed buttons with purple thread. You even learned how to 😅..only a few men know it 🤣..
I'm a strong man because I was victimised in the most terrible ways. It build character, a good understanding of right and wrong, and the ability to deal with people who do it wrongly.
This one made me sob. It was so beautifully written and such a special, poignant memory of your mother. If she can hear us, I'm sure her ears are reddening as we all talk about what fantastic mother skills she employed with that purple thread. So beautiful. And fuck be to bullies.
Hey River, coming from someone who writes as well as you do this comment makes me happy. Thank you.
I think if mum was watching now she'd say, don't heat that bloody apricot jam and cheese sandwich, you'll spoil your appetite and dinner is only a half hour away!
It's too late though, sandwich eaten.
Thanks for this comment River, I enjoyed writing this one as it forced me to delve into areas of myself that helped create me and it feels good to go there sometimes.
Apricot jam and cheese 🤢 That's as horrible as Jamie eating Vegemite on fruit toast or Vegemite and goats cheese toast or just mayo on 🥪 bread 🤢
It really is a beautiful post. ❤️
The more I hear about Jamie's eating habits the more I like him. Also, apricot jam and cheese sandwiches are awesome, just saying.
I really appreciate this.
I am not sure if she knew the power that it brought on you but as a reader and now a parent this speaks volume. Making a child believe and empowering them creatively is a must nowadays as the world will be giving multiple jabs to any child. Maybe I just miss my mom too as I had been away for too long.
Thank you Galen.
I like to think she knew. She saw me grow up, do many difficult things and survive and I guess she understood that my ability to do so was partly her doing. I'm not a parent so don't really understand what it's like from that perspective, but I can imagine it to be difficult to see a child be victimised. I think the best thing my mum did (and others) was teach me the ways to work around it, integrity and honour, strength and courage...and then put me back into the fray to use those skills.
Thanks for your comment.
This is such a sad piece to read, that anyone could treat another in that manner, that anyone thinks there is a superior race, color, religion ` Whatever. I am appalled by racism, I didn't grow up with it and I didn't raise my children with it. I have to say that growing up, my kids lived in many different countries, engaging with all the kids their age. Describing the kids as "the one with the yellow hat" or "the one with black hair."
Because that is what they were.
My son brought his girlfriend home from college for Christmas and he hinted that he thought she was the one.
When she came in and he introduced her to us, my heart lit up like the sun. She looked at him like he was a God and he looked back at her with such love in his eyes. They are married now and more in love each day if that is possible. You can probably guess that they were not the same color, but the best part is, that he didn't mention it to me because my kids are colored blind. They don't see color as differentiation of any sort.
All I am saying is those bullies who did that to you were raised by ignorant parents. I can imagine my kids would have a different outlook if I taught them differently. Of course, they can follow others and copycat them, but, many times, your upbringing will save you.
Your mother was a warm and kind soul. She taught you how to believe in yourself without lowering her standards. She didn't talk bad about them, but, rather raised you up. How hard that must have been to do.
You were so lucky to have her.
I would sew purple thread on every shirt too. I love that! ❤️
It was a very confusing time for me as a little kid as until school at five years old I didn't see people differently because of colour, creed or religion. Then I was called a filthy nigger and worse, hit, spat on, etc. My parents (one dark and one white) were also targeted through me and I just didn't understand; but I came to understand very quickly, about humans, and that's partly why I am who I am today.
I was raised to have ethics, morals, manners and respect, to be generous, kind and humble...But that doesn't mean I don't know how to act, or won't, when I see something I feel needs addressing.; I'm decisive and effective in that regard.
I'm happy to drop the hammer on people and have done so a lot; but never because of colour, nationality or so on, it's always based on the person as an individual and on their actions. I'll continue to be the me I've been shaped into because I know no differently, and will always follow my understanding of, and code of, honour and integrity.
So, being called a Nazi, anti-Semitic and racist didn't sit well with me. But I'm wise enough to know the person saying those things is clueless, and probably has more self-issues than he has the courage and ownership to address.
Thanks for your message Denise, I know you raised your kids right because you were raised right, and that it's a choice to be a good person.
I was almost tearing up while going through each paragraph. You did go through a lot as a kid but it's all testimony now that you grew up to becoming that Man you'll always wake up to look up to.
I made a motto for myself lately when I also sat back to think of my early life and it's "no one can hurt me without my permission" with this motto, I've trained myself to give no room to unlearned individuals who lack ethics or doesn't know how to control their tongue.
I like what your mother did there for you, mother's are rare gems, they always have this way of talking us out of fear. May her gentle and beautiful soul forever rest in peace.
I know people who have gone through far worse, and turned out far better than me, but I guess that doesn't negate my experiences right?
This is a good motto and sort of goes in line with what I say in this post to some degree. We can remove the power people have over us, it's a choice. Here's a quote by someone whose words I value.
Thanks for your comment, I appreciate it greatly.
It doesn't at all
I like that quote a lot. In life no one can make choices or decisions for anybody and that's one thing that can't be taken from a man. Really inspiring.
Yep, a great quote indeed. Viktor E. Frankl has a very interesting story to be honest. Well worth looking up and reading about.
Got the shivers with your story, thanks, it lifted my spirit
Lifting someone's spirits isn't a bad thing, so thanks for letting me know.
You had terrible experiences in your youth, but now I could feel there was a happy feeling in your writing. Sharing the time you been bullied but positively now, surely mothers know best; a mother is a fairy with the power to heal our wounds quickly. It's a nice sharing, though; for now, many teenagers have still been abused, hoping that even just one could read this. Indeed it will change their life with the thread too.
It wasn't the nicest thing to experience but it taught me many valuable lessons about human behaviour, including my own. If I could go back and change it, I would not as it has shaped me.
You mention about teenagers being bullied...A lot happens on social media right? My take on it is, they can shut their Facebook page down and stop it from happening, from that avenue at least. But they generally don't. It's weird.
So inspiring
Thanks.