repeating unhealthy cycles just because exploration of the unfamiliar sounds more terrifying than breaking the toxic routines.

How comfortable those toxic routines can be! I think the awareness that they are toxic and a routine is already a step toward breaking free; it gives us the opportunity to begin to choose the new (though doing so might be hard, I know). Thank you for sharing your journey reaching for the light. We've talked in the past about positivity and writing. It has been awhile since I read one of your posts; I feel like you have moved forward. I hope to offer that perspective as encouragement; certainly I am encouraged to see a fellow poet and writer doing this work.