Our energy is only used up thinking about bad things that happened to us in the past
So wise. To make it personal, I grew up hating my father. This was not a normal father, or a normal hatred. He was someone who did great harm to everyone in my family. There was great suffering because of him. And his response to it was to blame others. I can't count the number of times he promised to kill someone who had 'wronged' him.
The hatred for my father stayed with me for years. Then I realized what you say in the phrase I quoted. That hatred was a burden. In time I was able to imagine what it must have been like to be an old man, for my father, to have the regrets he must have had.
He was filled with hate. Look what it did to him. It twisted him.
This is a great blog. Let it go. Don't just let it go, try to get beyond it. To tell the truth, every now and then those hard feelings for my father resurface, when I think of how people I love suffered. But those feelings don't stay with me for long. They are like echoes.
Well, I'm sure this is more of a response than you expected from anyone. However, your words ring so true, and my experience validates them.
More or less, we are the same. But when I grew up, I imagined my parents, and I'm sure they also had big, painful problems that left the same trauma for their descendants.
That's why I'm always determined that there should be no trauma or painful things in the past that are passed down to our children, it doesn't feel fair.
Hopefully by forgiving our parents, our family life in the future will be more relieved and blessed :)