I Felt that I Failed as a Father.

_{After seeing you for the first time, I told myself, whatever things I am doing will stop if you call}

Have you ever felt that you failed as a parent in the past? I just had one previously.

Dyn-Dyn is already one year and eight months of age. She is an energetic young girl that is the source of our joy.

In hindsight, everything is doing well, I would assume, but then we realized that something is wrong.

From her age, we noticed she wasn't quite a talker. She sings songs, but a conversation of sorts isn't something that she starts.

I thought it was normal...

I mean, knowing how introverted I am, I rarely talk, I guess, and per the conversation that I had with my mom back then, I was a quiet child before but became a chatterbox afterward.

April and I had been talking about what is likely the case of Dyn's behavior. It is rare to get a Developmental Pediatrician here in the country, so most folks will resort to checking the internet for details. We scan multiple articles to check if it was within the autism spectrum. But none of them could point out what was going on.

Probably because of the pandemic? We don't know.

A certain study shows that one out of six children born during this period has speech concerns - The 74 Million

Some say that because of the lack of interaction with other kids, the speech pattern was delayed. Some are from birth and genes, etc.

So we had a brief talk with @chillwithshanna who handles The Online Speech Studio, for context, Shana is a speech pathologist by a profession who's based in Cebu. Since we are from Laguna, which is miles away from their place, we had a short video call to consult on what we can do to help our child.

I didn't take any pictures from the consultation as Dyn-Dyn's been latching to April for the whole time of discussion.

We mentioned our concern and tried to rule out some details. Though she agrees to have our child checked with a doctor since they are the ones who will do the diagnostics. We come up with some plans to improve Dyn's interaction.

Possible Root Cause

_{Her eyes are glued to the screen not sure if it is Ms. Rachel or Super Simple songs that we are watching}

Screentime has been a part of our parenting. As busy parents, we let Dyn watch streams of animated music and other educational videos for her to be entertained.

It helped us in a way because we figured out that she was not deaf and she can mimic the sounds as I have shared in my other blogs. but now I think we regretted that decision.

The videos that we play last for more than hours. And when I say hours that is above the recommended threshold, which is at least 30 minutes max a day. We play with them if I have something to do on my computer and if April's doing something outside. If we want Dyn not to bother us, we always use that approach.

I am guilty and I felt wrong about that when everything sank in.

She can surely say some words and follow the actions done on screen, but she isn't speaking or looking for us when we talk. It is heartbreaking, but then again, the blame is on us because we let that happen.

Our Resolution

It is hard, but we agreed to obliterate the screen time from our list. Each time that I open my computer, Dyn-Dyn looks at my screen and jumps and maybe under the impression that I will play her favorite videos, but then I am not.

We will also limit our internet usage and work with playing with her during our wee hours. As much as I love to stay in the loop with everything online this is the best decision that we come up with.

screen is one way communication, ang screen lang nagsasalita pero hindi siya makasagot, wala din magtuturo sa kanya ano isagot and hindi din siya makakuha ng reaction kung tama ba sinabi nya o hindi kasi hindi naman nag rerespond ang screen sa sasabihin nya - @chillwithshanna

This is my AHA! the moment that maybe she is not responding because she doesn't know how to respond. It felt that we had robbed her of the opportunity to interact with us.

We are on our 2nd day of not doing any screen time for her. No YouTube videos, no Ms. Rachel on the side, or even other songs. Just us, playing with her and watching her do her silly stuff and giving her random items.

A vast improvement already!

She is waving to strangers and each time that she is having trouble with her toys she approaches us in a way and tries to mimic what we talk about.

She now speaks the word kain which is to eat each time that we will show her the food that she will eat, etc.

Realizations

Back then, when we don't have a kid we told ourselves that screens are a no-go. It was an ideal set-up, but in this day of age that is a hard thing to do. Nothing beats a personal interaction with your kids. Play with them and teach them words. We cannot remove our screens anymore in our life but at the very least limit them.

The development of our child lies in our hands. If you feel you made a mistake, it is okay to get back on your feet, admit and then move forward with a new mindset ahead.

In most of my blogs, I just share the joy of parenthood and some struggles that we are facing as a couple, but this time I felt that maybe someone is also experiencing this problem with their child. If this is you, this message is also for you. If you haven't had one yet, you can take these lessons and hopefully they can help you in raising your little one.