It is hard being a parent. If you have a child, you know that there are obstacles and challenges to overcome. Sacrifices must be made. Tough decisions seem to be around every corner.

Although it is challenging to be a parent and to parent our kiddos well, some of the challenges we face are not directly caused by us having children.

In this post, I aim to explore various aspects of life that influence our parenting, even though, at least on the surface, they may seem to have no direct connection to our children.

Photo by Josh Willink:

Finances

Kids are expensive. In the early months, you may need to purchase diapers and formula. Twenty years from now, you might be helping pay for college.

One of the fantastic things about our children is that they are constantly changing and growing. It seems like my son needs a new pair of shoes every two months because his feet are too big or he has worn a big hole in his shoes from having so much fun.

However, for many people around the world, their financial situation was already challenging before they had children. My children have a significant impact on my finances, but what I learned or did not learn before they arrived has a lot to do with how I use and manage money today.

• Did I learn how to save?
• Did I learn how to invest?
• Did I learn how to use credit?
• Did I learn how to record how much money has come in and what money has gone out?

As a dad, I carry a lot of stress about providing for my family, but I need to ensure that my children never, ever feel like they are a burden to me. Numerous other variables at play impact this part of my life.

Work

My son asked me recently why I have to work so much. He said that he wanted to spend more time with me.

I would love to spend more time with him as well, but I try to do my job well so that I can provide for my family well.

Every job has its unique challenges and victories, but if I am to be completely honest, I work at the place I work because they pay me. I give them my time and they give me money.

I believe I am doing good things while I am at work, but most days when I sign off for the day, I feel stressed. This impacts how I parent.

Even before I get to spend some time with my kiddos, I already feel stressed and tired. My children are not the cause of the stress that I've accumulated over the last eight hours, but they might see a grumpier version of me because I'm stressed and tired.

I try to take a few minutes after work to reflect on my day and let go of the things I cannot control, so that I can focus on the people in my life whom I care about the most. I don't do this well all the time, but it's a goal of mine.

Marriage

Marriage is beautiful, but challenging as well. Like most things in life, marriage is something that requires growth and change over time. That requires time, effort, and energy.

Parenting becomes more challenging when our marriages are not built on a solid foundation. It is not a child's fault if mom and dad are not on the same page. I find it most challenging to parent alongside my wife when I have different opinions about how we should live our lives.

One of my goals in marriage is to either 1) be on the same page with my wife as often as possible, or 2) discuss our differences so that we can better understand each other and what we want for our family. Two people will never always agree on everything. However, when two people come together intending to care for each other through honest communication and kind actions, they can overcome many challenges and problems.

Parenting is hard when a marriage relationship is not strong.

And Everything Else

What about a car that breaks down? What about a pipe that bursts or a toilet that will not flush? What about a pet that died? What about watching family and friends try to work through a challenging situation?

All of these things and many more make it harder to parent our children well.

My Advice:

• Be open and honest with your children. I do not suggest that you share every detail of the things that are hard in your life, but it is okay to share some of them. Ensure that what you share is age-appropriate. Your goal is not to burden your children unnecessarily, but rather to let them know that you face difficult things as well. The goal is for them to see how you work through and overcome the challenge you are facing.

• Never turn blessings into burdens. Your children are a blessing. As you parent your children, you will face many challenges. Never let the challenges and stress of life make you view your children as burdens. They are blessings. Always remember that.

• Keep growing. Keep growing as a person. Keep growing as a parent. And even better, keep learning and growing with your children. There are opportunities to grow all around us if we keep our eyes open for them. Having a learning mindset not only allows you opportunities to improve your life, but it also sets an excellent example for your children.

• Remember your why. When life around is hard, including the challenges we face as parents, remember the most important things in life. Prioritize the people who mean the most to you. Go back to your beliefs and values that guide you. Sometimes, we get distracted by the chaos around us and forget what is truly important.

Final Thoughts

Parenting is tough. It is one of the hardest things that I do, but some of the stress I feel as a parent is not because of children, but rather other things that are happening in my life.

When I remember this, I can better show love to my children. I am able to remember that they are a blessing, not a burden.

Thanks for stopping by!

@SumatraNate