Discipline Without Damage

There are many habits that damage kids, which I have observed and have sat down to really think about them as a mother. Some of these habits are actually caused by parents, and perhaps unknowingly we fail to understand that they have a way of affecting the child's low self-esteem.

When I was a child, I behaved like one, causing trouble and doing the opposite of what my parents said I should do. For each bad action I exhibited, my grandmother will call me names, like idiot, fool, may God punish you, and many more, using our native dialects. I must confess that this name-calling is very common with African parents. It's like just a norm, and hearing our neighboring parents calling their children names too is almost a daily habit. However, I never found it funny as a child. Sometimes, I will sit quietly and ask myself if I am really stupid or a fool, but of course I will have a NO as an answer. Why then is Grandma calling me bad names just because of my mistakes, which she can actually correct me with love or even punish me for? This was a question I asked myself as a child without an answer.

Sadly, I visited a friend today in this civilized generation where I thought that parents of today are doing better with our parenting far more than the olden days parents but got disappointed. This beautiful mom, out of anger, cursed her own child and called him terrible names just because of a mistake by the child. I watched that little boy become very cold and couldn't stop sobering.

I understand that everyone has emotions, including mothers, but when it's too extreme to the detriment of the kids, it becomes a problem. I didn't say anything to the mom while I was in her home, but while she was seeing me off, I opened the chapter and began telling her how those terrible words she said to the little boy can really affect his self-esteem. Now, the boy will think that he is really a foolish person. Wow. He will think that he is also stupid since the words were coming from her mother. I continued to tell her to really think about it and how the boy will feel out there when an outsider says the same thing to him.

There are better ways to express our dissatisfaction in a child rather than telling the child terrible words that would hurt his emotions and cause them to develop low self-esteem.

As a mother, I do criticize my kids when they do terrible things, but rather than calling them names, I try to talk about the action and let them know how the actions hurt people around them. I will let them know that they should have done it this way but not the other way. I try as much as I can to refrain from name-calling because, as a child, I felt emotionally bad with that and wouldn't want the same for my child.
I will conclude this post by saying that it's common to have the kids fail to meet our expectations or do something opposite from what they were asked to do, which can raise your temper as a parent; however, practicing breathing in and out just before acting can go a long way in helping us to refrain from an action or the negative words we say to the children, at least from my personal experience as a mom nurturing three growing boys.

Images are mine!!!