How much Kim Ji Young Born 1982 Resonated with Me

As life has gotten busier, I have been watching fewer and fewer movies and series. Among the handful of movies I have seen recently, no movie has resonated with me as much as Kim Ji-Young Born 1982. This sparked an itching for me to post my thoughts on it on Hive.

Kim Ji-Young Born 1982, as the title suggests, centers on Kim Ji-Young’s life, a modern-day mother of a toddler who appears normal but is apparently “mentally ill”. The movie was controversial in South Korea because of its strong feminist tone. It delved into the discrimination women are facing in modern-day South Korea which was heavily portrayed as patriarchal in the movie. As I am not from South Korea, the gender inequality depicted in the movie was barely something I related with. (By the way, I am a Filipina and I would argue that gender equality is pretty good here.) What rang true to me are Ji-Young’s struggles as a modern-day mother.

Even though I am not Korean, as a mom, I have empathized strongly with Ji-Young’s pains. The movie did very well in depicting motherhood, even fatherhood, honestly and thoughtfully. As the title may have suggested, this post is less about reviewing the movie Kim Ji-Young Born 1982 but more about tackling how much this movie has spoken to me, a mother of a toddler. It’s a long sort of essay where I rant and reflect on my life as a parent through a movie. Be warned, this post may be a little bit gloomy. Also, if you haven’t watched the movie yet, this write-up is riddled with spoilers.

Before I start, here’s my quick review of the movie: The movie was well-written, well-acted, and well-directed. Parents and non-parents alike can easily sympathize with the characters. It tackled empathically motherhood and gender inequality. It can sometimes be a little heavy-handed with the discrimination but overall, Kim Ji-Young Born 1982 is a well-made tearjerker. Must-watch for budding parents and non-parents can watch it too so they’ll understand a parent’s plight. With that out of the way, let’s start!

As mentioned earlier, the movie was an honest and thoughtful depiction of parenthood. Parenthood has been romanticized mostly in the media but as the movie presented, it is no walk in the park. Speaking of ‘walk in the park’, one of the first scenes of the movie shows Ji-Young sipping a cup of coffee in the park with her daughter. Guys in suits judged her as someone with an ‘easy life’ as ‘she’s living off her husband’s paycheck’ within her earshot (How rude!). But as the movie goes on, and as we stay-at-home moms can testify to, taking care of a child and maintaining a house is no vacation. She was perpetually tired. She barely has time to fix herself. Her friend noted that she already looks ‘wasted’. All her time was poured into housework, taking care of her child, and even pleasing her mother-in-law. Heck, she even brought her daughter with her in the toilet. And as a stay-at-home Mom, I have done that more than a dozen times.

Thus, it was really annoying that those corporate guys would mock her. To be honest, I used to think that way too when I was still working. I thought housewives were having it easy. But, boy, am I wrong.. I remember repeatedly telling my Mom that I had never experienced anything more difficult than taking care of a child. I just wanted her to show me how to get through this. It didn’t help that she was abroad when I gave birth but she did go home for five months last year which felt like a haven for me.

Anyway, like Ji-young, I have felt physically worn out for the past two years. Most of my time has been allotted to my daughter.. Feeding her, entertaining her, and getting her to sleep. When she sleeps, I have to clean up her mess, wash her clothes, and prepare her food. After that, I still needed to finish other housework. Really. Fast. Because when she wakes up, all my attention should be on her. My little one commands attention and alertness. If I don’t give both, the poor girl might throw tantrums, make more mess, or worse, hurt herself.

Being perpetually tired was just the tip of the iceberg. As we see in the movie, Ji-young gave up her ambitions in her previous job when she had a child. Later in the movie, we see her trying to go back to work, yet she could not find a nanny. Another option was presented to her: her husband can take paternity leave. However, that only earned her the ire of her mother-in-law.

It was heartbreaking, seeing her try to regain herself through a job yet she was unable to find a way. The movie even showed us a young hopeful Ji-young who was determined to become successful one day. Ji-young was like any of us, who wants to prove her worth to the world and to her parents.

I guess most of us must have felt the same way around our 20s. I did. I remember telling my friends that I won’t have a child until my 30s since I wanted to be successful first before I have one. Unfortunately, things didn’t happen according to plan. I had my child before I had any satisfaction in my career.

To be fair, it was more my fault rather than my circumstances. I had already been longing for a career shift before I had my child. Like Ji-young, I did not initially follow my heart in choosing my career path. When I began pursuing jobs I am passionate about, finding time to work while being my child’s primary carer has been very difficult.

A nanny or a housekeeper, although their basic salaries have been increasing, won’t cost a lot here in the Philippines compared to Korea or even other developed countries. However, it took me twenty months to find a full-time nanny and she left us for a better salary in two months. Before that, I could only find a part-timer in the province. I had to stay at my grandparents’ house since our part-timer can’t come with us because she’s still studying. Didn’t also help that we’re in the middle of a pandemic and our house in the suburbs was riddled with COVID cases. Like Ji-young, I had felt constantly trapped in housework and child care, unable to pursue a career and earn money for myself.

On top of all that, Ji-young has to fulfill filial duties too to the new family she has acquired. She had to serve her mother-in-law every holiday and cheerfully at that. From what the movie has shown, the Korean Gen-Xers and boomers seemed intense with the cooking. Luckily for me, we order food or eat samgyupsal with store-bought kimchi, side dishes, and instant ramen during family gatherings.

In this new phase of her life, Ji-young has striven to be the perfect mother, wife, and daughter-in-law. However, all these new roles required her to put her needs last as dictated by society standards. No wonder she was ill psychologically.

Although seemingly normal, Ji-young suffers from mental illness. When triggered by a stressor, she assumes the identity of another person, possibly, to speak her mind. She was never aware of her episodes and her husband hid them from her. This was first shown during their visit to her in-laws. Exhausted from housework and excited to see her own family, Ji-young was also asked by her mother-in-law to serve her sister-in-law when they should already be leaving. Ji-young snapped and told off her mother-in-law by impersonating her own mother. In her own mother’s tone, she told her mother-in-law:

“If you want Ji-young to rest, send her home. Think about it. You’re happy to see your daughter. I miss my daughter too. My daughter should have left before yours. Why make Ji-young serve your daughter too?”

It was crazy but it was evident that she was trying to defend herself using her mother’s point of view. The second time one of her episodes was shown was when Dae-hyun would not let her work part-time at the bakery. It was well-intentioned since he didn't want her working while she was mentally ill but, of course, Ji young did not know that. Unable to get what she wanted, Ji-young, then, impersonated her dead friend who had a crush on Dae-hyun. Through her friend, she told him about her struggles and that he should praise her more for her efforts.

For me, those mentally-ill episodes rang a bell. How many moms and dads have you seen transform into different people when they're angry or frustrated? I know they are not mentally ill. However, in their frustrations, they would yell hurtful words to their children or spouse.

I, for one, sometimes feel like I have transformed into another person. I have become more ill-tempered for the past two years and I have said hurtful words to people I still can’t imagine I said. It was sad but I need to find a way to not do that anymore. Parenthood is tough. It is filled with frustrating challenges that can transform a person but I don’t want to lose my cool all the time.

Motherhood is a new phase of life. Yet the coldest, least sympathetic character to Ji-Young is oddly a person who had been in her shoes. Someone who had been a mother of a toddler too and a daughter-in-law, albeit at a different time. But, I digress. She must have suffered the same misfortune and felt the same feeling of being trapped that Ji-young felt. I have seen genuinely caring treatments from in-laws but for the cold ones, I don’t get it. A child-in-law is someone else’s precious child too. Perhaps, when I am older and someone has taken away from me the precious little one I have poured my life onto, and has made life more difficult (not miserable, but more challenging) for him/her, maybe, I’d give that person the least sympathy my body can ooze out too. Perhaps, they deserve their own thoughtfully-made movie too so I can understand them. Lol.

It was hard for fathers too as we see from Gong Yoo’s character, Dae-hyun. As one of his colleagues pointed out, fathers like them have to go home early after work. They can no longer fool around or drink. When they get home, their wives are already stressed out so they have to help in taking care of the child. It was exhausting. Should they choose to take paternity leave, promotions will come later for them. On top of all that, Dae-hyun has to take care of his mentally-ill wife. To his credit, he had been strong and level-headed through most of their ordeals as a couple. I could proudly say that too about my husband.

For both Ji-young and Dae-hyun, parenthood had been riddled with hardships. For Ji-young, in particular, becoming a mother presented a new glass ceiling to her dreams, one that was harder to break than the one she had in her younger days. Aside from that, she got to be discriminated against for being a housewife despite all the sacrifices she had made. Dae-hyun was worn out as well. Heartbreakingly, he also blamed himself for Ji-young’s sickness. He felt that he made Ji-young’s life miserable. It was all soapy when I put it like that but the movie did a great job in making it all organic. It all felt very real. Why wouldn’t it be? I believe most young couples are in the same situation.

It was comforting to find a movie like Kim Ji-young: Born 1982. A movie that portrayed the beginnings of parenthood as it is. It felt that I am not alone with the problems I am facing.. That my struggles were real and not unique to me. They were more universal. I can say that parenthood is really like that and if I find a way, I, too, can surpass my struggles.

In the end, Ji-young found out that she was mentally ill. After that, she and her husband finally tried to actively cure her. She turned down a most-coveted job offer from her former boss and went to see a psychiatrist. Motherhood closed doors for her but it opened new ones. Ji-young had always dreamed of becoming an author but a more lucrative corporate job was presented to her in her younger years. As a mother, she now had the chance to pursue her dream with Dae-hyun’s help.

It had been the same for me. I may have lost a lucrative career but more opportunities had opened its doors for me. I now trade the market and hopefully, I can write more regularly in the future. Finding household help made that possible. But what has helped me more to fight these new obstacles I am facing are stories like Ji-young. My fellow moms who honestly shared their difficulties with me were a welcome consolation and inspiration. A lot of Moms, for instance, have shared with me that they suffered from severe hair loss like me during the first few months after giving birth because of all the stress. I have also talked to a fellow mom of a toddler who related that she would break down most of the time because of all the stress and sleepless nights. How could anyone call that a vacation?

Movies like this can be an encouraging voice to people experiencing the same struggles. More people can understand their plight and they can, perhaps, be more sympathetic. New parents can understand that these things really happen and that they can prepare themselves for a battle plan.

I don’t intend to say that parenthood sucks because it’s sooper-dooper-difficult or that it would make you lose your freedom. Less and less people want to be parents as it is. What I want to communicate is that parenthood comes with its obstacles. Obstacles, perhaps, that have been aggravated by today’s society.

Today’s society tend to shrug it off. Presenting things as it is can get to the heart of the problem. Talking about it and actively fighting it, perhaps even through professional help, can not only break the chains built by parenthood but may also break the wheel.

Aside from that those hardships parents face pale in comparison to the family I have today. I now have two strong pillars of strength: my little one and my ever-reliable husband. Without them, I wouldn’t get the energy to face the ups and downs of this world.

Like Ji-Young, I too can find a way to marry my new life with my dreams. Great job, movie!