My mood swings a lot recently, sometimes I feel so grumpy that I barely can recognize myself. I wrote before that my inside is changing drastically and my mindset is transforming day by day. Sometimes I feel so motivated, I smile and talk to people but there are a few days when I just feel like keeping myself locked in the room. I have noticed that my brain can't consume too much information all at once and I feel tired easily. It's not like I am having a long day, I am just tired of everything. New weather, new location everything happened so fast that I feel overwhelmed and can't take everything easily.
My dog is an angel, because of her, I think I am still alive and can think to move forward. She always tries to cheer me up no matter how I feel. Her happy face and fun attitude always make me smile. She is the reason I am strong still otherwise I don't know what would I have done so far. Her puppy eyes and innocent face keep me motivated and tell me "we have a life mom, we have to live for it, it's not the end". She loves walking and I love walking with her. We both explore many places around and sometimes get lost within the city.
We explore different places here, sometimes we walk in the parks, sometimes near the canal. I avoid crowded areas because I and Gigi both feel overwhelmed when we are around many people. I just don't enjoy it so does my dog. Gigi is a happy dog and I am the grumpy one who forgot mostly everything.
Today, we went to a place near the canal. It was a park and I can't recall the name of the location. Gigi as usual was doing her job and I was enjoying the surrounding atmosphere. It was a cold day though but the panoramic vista really helped me to refresh my mind. It was a residential area near the canal and I have never seen such a beautiful neighborhood in life.
The area was so quiet and calm, few people were walking in the park. I took some photos, walked around, and decided to go to the other side of the canal. I don't know much about Dutch culture and I am trying to learn about it. I don't observe things now like I used to do before. My mind is under process and I admit that I am taking a lot of time for myself than usual. I have never been in this type of critical situation before so my confused mind can't decide anything so easily. I still feel exhausted, sometimes depressed. I accepted this situation of mine, I just need to process it now.
I still feel emotional, I still cry. This is not what I wanted but I am forced to accept it. Nobody deserves this life.
After a long 1 hour of walking, we finally decided to go back to the shelter. Probably one day, when I will be able to settle down, I will rent a boat and will explore the canal. For now, all I can do is just watch these boats from far away.
After reaching the shelter, a volunteer from Redcross came to me and handed me an envelope. Inside the envelope, there was a Dutch Simcard. I applied for it last week and finally, it arrived today. I was having trouble with the communication in the Netherlands because I was using Simcards from Poland and Ukraine. So, it was necessary to have a Dutch Simcard. Besides, to open a bank account here, it is mandatory to have a Dutch Simcard.
Let's talk about good things. Gigi has found some friends here. These kids are from Ukraine and every day they come into my room to play with Gigi. Gigi is a labrador and she is very friendly with kids. On the other hand, these kids also like to spend time with her. They teach Gigi different tricks and their giggles make Gigi so happy.
These kids don't know what's happening in Ukraine and they think they are here for holiday. I sometimes ask them about their city and family, most of them, had to leave away their grandma, grandpa, and father behind in Ukraine. One of the kids was telling me that Gigi reminds her of her dog that's why she comes here every day to see Gigi. She misses her dog a lot. I don't know what I should feel seeing these kids like this, their future is uncertain and they are completely unaware of the reality. They often miss their father, and their dog but somehow they are learning to live here. They consider this moment as a vacation. Some of them go to Refugee schools.
I often used to feel guilty, I used to think that I wish I could do more. I doubted my decision and thought twice about whether whatever I have done was okay or not. I wanted to do something for the people, I even thought that I could have stayed in Kharkiv and could have helped people instead of fleeing the country but I don't think that anymore. My perspective changed completely when these kids started playing with Gigi.
The thing I couldn't do, my dog is doing. My dog is making people happy, keeping these kids happy. Meanwhile, I have got the chance to take care of these kids. Basically, I look after them when they are around. They love Gigi and Gigi loves them. Their unconditional bonding reminds me that no matter what situation an individual is going through, love and smile can bring changes in their life and can give a joyful moment.
You can follow my stories here:
War Story - Was it hell? - Kharkiv, Ukraine
From " Kharkiv, Ukraine " to " Warsaw, Poland " - War Story
From " Kharkiv, Ukraine " to " Warsaw, Poland " - War Story | Part -2 - Lviv
War Story - Present and Past but no Future
War Story - Walked on the street of Warsaw like a Refugee
War Stories - Psychology and My mindset
Help in the Netherlands for Pets from Ukraine- Got Dog Food for my Labrador
War Story - Wednesday Walk in Almere, Netherlands | Veterinary help - Refugee Life
War Stories - 12 km walk from Lviv to Poland Border "Medyka"
War Story - Humanitarian aid by Voedselbank for Ukrainians in Netherlands | Good and Bad News
Love
Priyan...
I am @priyanarc.... An architect, a dreamer, and a passionate writer who loves to write about life. I try to present my own perspective and experiences. Please leave your feedback and criticism because it's the only way I can know and reach your mind and thought easily...
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Write, write... my friend, @priyanarc
Especially when you feel that way.
It is no uncommon to have PTSD after a traumatic experience.
Write.
This is good advice
Yes, for sure...
I started right, not often but I do write. Sometimes I struggle to find the correct words to explain my thoughts, I feel like there is so much going on around me and inside me. I started taking help, let's see how it goes...
It's okay to cry, let go all those feelings and if you want to be sad, be sad, don't suppress it, so that one day those feelings can go away, it's not easy because it seems that feelings haunt you, I can only tell you to stay strong. Most of my life I think I have been very sad, not for the same reasons and I also left my country, as I repeat not the same reasons, but from time to time I find some other reason to smile.
Stay Strong Priyan
When I left my homeland, I felt the same, I cried a lot for my family but later I adjusted myself in Ukraine as I wanted to do something for myself, and later I achieved that too. So, I had the same feeling as yours because I am an immigrant. But this one is something that not only fills my heart with sadness but also it haunts me. Somehow it's hard to accept that I have lost my 6 years which I had to establish brick by brick. I don't know how I am gonna accept the new life but I have to do it for my own good...
You need to, I have almost 2 years here and honestly I feel like I want to go home, but home isn't home anymore, I want real friends like my friends back home, right now I feel loneliness but I have to keep going! We need to
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Thank you so much...
My heart bleeds for Ukraine, and what so many good people have to go through. 😢 If I could get my hands on Putin, nobody on this planet would be able to save him, I'll tear him to pieces.
However, every crisis has an upside or three. On 23 February, 99% of people in 150 countries didn't know where Ukraine is on a world map, or the name of the capital. Today they know not only that, but also how astonishingly brave and strong Ukrainians are. Our admiration for you is absolutely huge.
Sure you're not angels, and do have some bad spots in your history and politics, but you're miles above Russia when it comes to moral high ground.
Ukraine will win, and no war last forever. You need to think a bit into the future, for when the rebuilding begins, and what your role can be then. So you can start preparing for it now, like studying a skill that will be in demand then. Programming, perhaps?
In the meanwhile, do like you're doing now, write about Ukraine. Post photos of before the war, of how beautiful Ukraine really is. Post amusing stories of pre-war times. Let people around the world fall in love with Ukraine. It's a given that once the war is over, the tourism industry will boom. Everyone now will want to see and experience Ukraine. You can play a major role in that, if you make some clever plans now.
Let this crisis be the defining moment in your life, that you'll look back at over 20 years and be pleased that you made your life and that of others worthwhile.
Well, you are not alone with this feeling I am sure...
Yes, they proved how brave and patriotic they are and devoted to their country...
I was thinking about that and talked to many people about that. I have skills and I can contribute to rebuilding my city. But the current situation is so confusing. And another fact, about Ukraine, after witnessing everything, will it be a safe country after war?? because after all, Russia is the neighbor and that's the question.
It is possible...
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Nice and touching story. It was nice and interesting to read it. Take care of yourself.
Thank you so much, there are a lot of stories I have to tell, this entire journey is a whole novel I guess :)
beautiful nature. cute dog 🐕🥰
Thank you so much, yes Gigi is a special dog...
Gigi seems to be enjoying all the attention. Dogs and children are a good formula to bring some happiness into your life. ❤
I would love to boat all around those canals!
I am glad you and Gigi are safe and she is a real life saver in many ways.
No matter the place, wherever you are you can be very helpful with your presence as now together with Gigi with those children. Greetings to both of you.
I hope so too, Gigi is really a very friendly and nice dog, she always makes people happy...
With what you have lived, it is normal for you to change, it is something that is not pleasant and was very abrupt, but it is what it is.
Certainly our pets are often our four -legged lifeguard angels, I can testify to that, their presence help and encourage, they are an unconditional love and total delivery, I think that in particular in the case of dogs.
That of walking is also a good thing, at least in theory, physical activity helps with mood and improves it a bit.
The photos look pretty, it looks like a pleasant and quiet place.
I share your opinion, nobody deserves these things in their life, no one should suffer for a war or for being uprooted.
I seemed curious about the obligation to have a SIM to open the bank account, but less bad that you already have one.
For the heavens! I read the children and give me tenderness, then I look at that they think about all this as a vacation or a kind of adventure. Innocence is something so tender, but fragile, really I felt a desire to cry, so I understand that you live it directly it also happens to you. Crying is not bad, it helps to wash your eyes, in more than one sense, it sometimes helps to let it out negative emotions and allows us to see reality with clean eyes.