Wartime Diary, Kyiv, 20.03.22

25th day of the war.

The night was surprisingly calm. I had a very sound sleep: I didn’t hear two air raid sirens (at 1 a.m. and 6 a.m.), not even the signal of the dishwasher, which is quite loud (and now, when we sleep in the corridor, the dishwasher is literally over our heads). The body is exhausted from background anxiety. I noticed I've developed new nervous habits: random movements, twisting hair, biting pen, boiling the kettle and making tea without even wanting to drink it any more.

Street fighting in Mariupol - PHOTO CREDIT

Yesterday I managed to get to the post office. There are 2 largest networks of post offices in Ukraine: state (Ukrposhta) and private (Nova Poshta). Ukrposhta now performs socially important functions (payment of pensions, delivery of humanitarian cargo), therefore, for personal purposes and for sending parcels, it is necessary to use Nova Poshta. In peacetime, Nova Poshta worked perfectly, they had branches and post offices throughout entire Ukraine. A parcel from anywhere in the country (and we have a large one) could be received in a day or two, and within the city even the same day.

Ukrposhta's branch during peaceful time - PHOTO CREDIT

But now, in wartime, it is very difficult for the workers of Nova Poshta. Many evacuated from Kyiv, not all branches work, employees do not have time to process parcels, scan them and put them into cells. As a result, a queue of 15 people was processed for 2 hours, and in peacetime it would take 10-15 minutes. Employees had to literally search for each package by hand in a huge warehouse. Clients helped to do this to speed up the process. After 2 hours of waiting, we got our keys to the apartment of my sister, who took her three children out of the country. Now I can come to her house to put things in order, turn off the electrical appliances and water the flowers.

Post services are in high demand now, and the load on employees is significant.

Kyiv in wartime has a special vibe. There are checkpoints and military people everywhere, anti-tank hedgehogs, in some places completely burned cars (in the first days of the war, the occupiers managed to enter Kyiv, but their equipment was instantly liquidated). In some buildings, where short-term hostilities were fought nearby, windows flew out. There are few people on the streets, but there are queues of people near pharmacies, some shops and humanitarian aid centers. At the same time, there are now more people and cars in the city. In the first days of the war, many families left the city in a panic, trying to evacuate, first of all, children. But often people come back. This is due to the fact that now it is not easy to find housing in the western part of Ukraine, and there are many moments that cause discomfort. At the same time, many districts of Kyiv are relatively safe. Everyone who is related to the defense of Kyiv claims that Kyiv is a fortress that cannot be taken. I have no reason not to trust these people. Therefore, we stay at home, because home is sweetest.

Bus station in Kyiv, people waiting to evacuate to the Western part of Ukraine - PHOTO CREDIT

In connection with our decision to stay, we regularly receive many disturbed messages from relatives, friends and acquaintances. There is a concept of "survivor syndrome". People who are in complete or relative safety feel a certain guilt about this, because there are people who have a much harder time, for example, those who are sitting in basements in hot spots. I have experienced this feeling myself. But now there is no safe place in Ukraine, bombs and missiles can reach absolutely anywhere in the country. I cannot go abroad, because my husband is a man of military age, so they cannot let him go abroad while martial law is in the country. I take it easy, because someone has to stay here and defend the city. I believe that it is worth evacuating children and vulnerable layers of the population. The rest should be in business - to protect, volunteer, work, pay taxes and help the army financially.

Survivor's guilt has been an issue for many forcedly displaced people - PHOTO CREDIT

My heart aches for all the hot spots in Ukraine, where people are dying en masse. The situation is especially difficult now in Mariupol. Before the emergency service had cleared the rubble of the Drama Theatre, yesterday the russian invaders dropped bombs on an art school in Mariupol, where about 400 people were sheltered - women, children and the elderly. The building was destroyed, and civilians are still under the rubble. There is no exact information on the number of victims yet.

In Mariupol, 90% of buildings have been destroyed due to russian attacks. People keep trying to evacuate every day, the Ukrainian government does its best to organize the process. PHOTO CREDIT

At the same time, there were reports (which have already been confirmed by local authorities) that residents of Mariupol who are trying to evacuate are forcibly taken to russia, their Ukrainian passports are taken away, papers are issued that prohibit them from moving for two years and are forced to get specific employment in "economically depressing" cities of russia. This is a real human trafficking and goes beyond all limits! The government of Ukraine has promised to return every Ukrainian. I pray that this happens soon.

The art school in Mariupol hit by russians - PHOTO CREDIT