The post I've been working on... (The Process of Writing Comedy part n=n+1)

Welcome to my new intro for this old post. You only know it's new because I told you. I've been feeling motivated, so I wanted to do some spring cleaning in my drafts. This draft seemed like a good place to start. It used to start like this:

If this post contained half as many lines as I've deleted from it, it would be over 3000 words long, and half of you would have _MUTED me by now.

Yeah, that wasn't really necessary. It's a good summary for this draft, but there's no way for you all to know that. This draft is over 7 months old. It gets ideas that don't fit anywhere else. I'm tired of seeing it in my 'drafts' folder, so let's get to work...

I used to be afraid of being alone with my thoughts. Then I saw what governments do, and decided I'm not that diabolical.

That line is how my posts start out. Just an idea, barely worth a smile. Might even be more of a frowner. Let's start to spruce it up a bit.

Have you ever had a thought that made you think... 'Maybe I'm not right?'

Now we're getting somewhere. That's a pretty good setup, actually, with lots of room to move. Maybe you don't think 'Maybe I'm not right?', maybe instead you just think 'Am I crazy?'. Maybe you're more familiar with crazy, so instead you think 'Where's my meds?', or 'Will my straightjacket still fit?'

If you didn't get a smile out of any of those, maybe you're the crazy one. Wait, were we already talking about you being crazy, or were we talking about me being crazy? I guess it doesn't really matter...

So anyways, I had one of those thoughts the other day... you know, the kind that make you wonder "Will I still fit into my old straightjacket?" As a societal outsider, I sometimes worry that my attitude is slipping from 'anti-social' to 'malignant'. I figure that I'm still not diabolical enough to work in government, so I'm not going to turn myself in just yet.

Do you like my new line dividers? If you look closely, those weird pizza slices are laughing cartoon faces. I've been working on some new graphics, as well as old drafts (draft posts, not draft beer). So far, this line divider is my favorite.

Did you like how that joke worked out? I didn't. I'm not saying I wouldn't use it, but it still needs work. Finishing things is boring, though, so let's do another one!

I live in one of the 'Murkier parts of 'Merica.

I really like this one, there's so much to work with. You know I love a good homonym (have you seen my Fun With Words post? I had so much fun I did it again.) Murkiness is good, because it goes with the impenetrable dark of American politics, which people are going to think about when you say 'Merica. Mercs (short for mercenaries) are a good political topic, with their increasing use in America's 'foreign affairs'.

Let me tell ya 'bout where I come from. We're 'Merican out'y'ere, through and through. It's a place full of people with murky pasts, 'Merican flags, and a few mercs and militias. I'm gonna get me a m'erkat just to complete the look.

Oh yeah, I like that one a lot better. Hopefully I can make that work in my intro, if I ever get to another open mic, or when I finally get around to recording a video.

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Yay! Just one little snippet left in this draft, and I'll be DONE with it! So, let's see...

Generational trauma through movies: Old Yeller, Bambi

Oh shit, did I think that would be funny? How many of you saw those movies as a kid? Did they fuck you up for a while? If you haven't seen them... spoiler alert.

Bambi is about a baby deer being raised by his mother in the forest. Near the end of the movie, a hunter shoots his mother. I came from a family of hunters, and as we all know I'm a little messed up, so watching this movie was a weird moment for me. I was only 3 or 4 years old, and we were watching the movie at the drive-in. When Bambi's mother got shot, all the adults in the car were in tears. My little brothers were too young to get anything out of the movie, so I'm left sitting in the back thinking "What's wrong with you sniveling bitches, at least we didn't hit it with the car on the way home!"

Old Yeller is way worse. It's about a little boy and his dog, who eventually gets rabies (the dog, not the boy) and has to be put down. By 'put down', I mean killed, and the boy does it himself, out of love and respect for his pet. Even I got a little choked up over that one. I just remember as the boy took his pa's rifle and moved towards his old 4-legged friend, who was growling and snarling and looking miserable, I kept thinking, "I hope he only has to shoot him once."

My dog might not have been worth much, but at least he was sweet enough to not get rabies and make me shoot him.

That's not a normal 'Merican response, that's just me.

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Well, I'm glad that's over with! I fully understand if none of you stuck around to this end, especially you younger crowd. I wouldn't expect any of you to sit all the way through Bambi or Old Yeller either; that shit's just painful. It was a painful post, so I think I'll just use the picture of the old Black Dog again. At least he had a smile on his face!