WTF happened? Did I pass out for a WHOLE WEEK? Where's my drink? Where's my CROWN?
Not the Crown Royal, my funny crown!!!! (but I will have a sip of that Crown Royal...)
Last thing I remember, @winniecorp was handing me a drink and talking about sugar daddies... my wallet's still in my pocket, but I'm pretty sure that it was empty anyway...
Well, I was just going to hock that crown, then use the money to play sugar daddy until the money ran out anyway. I could have been perfect for you, @winniecorp, since I would have been to awkward to ever try getting any sugar, but alas, you've whisked away my only hope at ever being able sate your financial desires. Coincidentally, now that I don't have the crown, I'm kinda looking for a no-sugar, sugar mama, if you need somewhere to spend that newfound wealth ;)
That gave me an idea for a new pick up line...
'Hey baby, you can pay me in Hive...'
Still needs a little work
So... where was I? Ah yes, the crown! And The COMedy Rumble!
I had a plan. I did. And I would have gotten away with it, if it weren't for those meddling kids! (Do I need to cite that source? Ah, fuck it.) Okay, it wasn't really kids, it was adults, and it was a prime example of why people should be avoided.
You see my friends, it all started back in the waning days of June, when this magnificent rumble had been announced, but not yet started. I had already started working on some ideas I had for the contest, and...
...and OMG, if I don't get to the point, the contest will be OVER before I even finish this post!
Life happened. I went to an alumni banquet, then a family reunion, then a wedding (not mine, I'm still white-trash married)... next thing I know, there's a dozen people at my house celebrating a birthday for a kid I just met 4 days ago. There is still, right now, about 18 lbs of leftover food on my counter. It was closer to 25 lbs 2 days ago, and my stomach still hurts a little. I may need another day or two of rest, just to finish digesting. Unfortunately, I won't get those days of rest until this weekend (if I'm lucky), but on the bright side, I might not have to eat again until Friday night. Also, every time I burp, or cough, or sneeze, or swallow, my mouth still tastes a little bit like grilled chicken.
So, that's what I've been up to, aside from my normal 50hr/week day job, and my other account. I'm almost done with my second real post for the Rumble. This little tidbit is just to make sure you don't forget about me, and to see who took that crown I dropped. I'm still working on some stuff to make you laugh and think so hard, making people read it should be considered a war crime.
Until then... PEACE!
..mic drop..
Sorry, I'll just put that mic back on the stand there, for the next contestant...
It’s been an interesting week for you, I’m jealous!
Haha how can you be perfect for me when your wallet was empty anyway?
Women are slippery and distracting, I still have a few tricks under my sleeve so see you at the rumble ;)
Sounded like it was an interesting week for you, as well. I hope everything is feeling back to normal... careful how (and where) you play with sugar! 🤣
I was kinda hesitant to respond, wasn't sure if I was reading a love letter or a suicide note. Then you mentioned you're married and now I'm sure I'm not sure!
Love letter, suicide note, po-tay-tow, po-tah-toe. The important thing is that you read it!
Apologies for not stopping by more often. My bad dude, I'll try not to be such an asshole.
No problem man, my addiction to attention is entirely psychosomatic. There's still plenty of room for you to be more of an asshole before you offend me!
😆😆😆 You ate too much and I think you need to visit the toilet to release all 😅😅
I kept smiling reading your post. Congratulations as a winner.
For now, I'd rather taste the chicken 😅
I read very line and i snile or laugh...then i go back and read again..lol..i think watching you do stand up would be mad
I hope to actually record some short routines to post on 3speak this winter. I've never performed for an audience that didn't see me until after the show before!
The COMedy Rumble is undeniably fun, a lot of great writers here. Please, brink it on, I'm eagerly waiting for the next post
Yay! 🤗
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😂😂😂😂
Any comedian coming up after you just have to brazen up more because you killed it already!
Your audience are on the floor laughing hard especially if they had listened to every line of words you said.
You met the child four days ago and a birthday party for him already... I wonder why you took it upon yourself to eat half of the left overs... Well, it's all for the best, no eating until Friday 🤣🤣🤣 so funny.
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STOPI fucking love food particularly chicken. We would get on.
Anyone who doesn't love chicken can fuck right off! If you find yourself lost in New York State, look me up. I'll come rescue you from the xenophobes.