ATOMIC BOMB

Although Beans-porridge and plantain always makes me fart and sometimes even makes me purge, it happens to be my favorite food.

I have always loved it since I was a kid and always can't resist it. As a kid I didn't really mind that it made me fart, I would always ask my mum to prepare it for me and I would consume as much as my tummy could hold.

When my mum noticed that my body system always reacted in a certain way whenever I ate beans, she tried to stop me from taking it, she instead processed the beans into flour, and with the beans flour she would make some other kinds of dishes like beans-cake or moin-moin(one of our local delicacies prepared with beans).

I really didn't like this other dishes and so I would always rejected them. She tried all she could to make me like them but all her efforts proved abortive as I always rejected these them.

Beans was one food rich in protein and as a growing child, I needed a lot of proteins. My parents didn't have so much money and since beans was really cheap at the time, they always bought a lot of it. Since I needed protein for my growth as a child and they couldn't get me to eat other foods prepared from beans-flour, they had to let me eat beans porridge as they couldn't afford other protein containing foods, they said it was better to have me fart than to see me looking malnourished.

So I continued with eating my favorite food and also farting indiscriminately. Because of how much I farted, my siblings began to call me atomic bomb. I was still a child and couldn't always control my farting, my older brothers were too playful, whenever they heard the sound of my fart, they would all lie down or hide their heads as if they wanted to dodge something, one of them would shout "take cover ! , an atomic bomb has been released".

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As I grew older, my body system began to change, beans no longer made me purge but the farts continued. I learnt to control myself whenever I was pressed, I had also learnt to excuse myself and leave the premises whenever I was pressed. In cases where I was so pressed and can't leave the environment, I knew some other ways to release the atomic bomb(fart) without anyone knowing I did it.

As I had grew older, one of the ways I had learnt to manage my farting issues not to eat beans whenever I was going out. I only ate beans when I knew I would be home all day and wouldn't be going out. This method worked well for me and I continued with it for years.

One day I had a meeting with a friend, we had arranged to meet in a restaurant downtown.
Whilst I prepared to leave for the meeting with my friends, I smelled the wonderful aroma of my favorite dish ( porridge Beans and dodo),I knew I was going out and so couldn't have a taste of it, so I tried to resist it.

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The aroma became stronger and it was so nice that it made me salivate. I began considering calling off the meeting. The meeting was an important one, I couldn't just call it off and I still didn't want to miss the delicious delicacy.

I decided to take just a little. As I went into the kitchen to scoop some beans for myself, I met my mum dishing some for my dad, She asked me what I wanted to do, then I told her that I wanted to have a little porridge.

She knew I had a meeting to attend so she advised against it. I told her I was just taking a little and just wanted to have a taste of the food. My mum was adamant and didn't let me so I had to lie to her that I had already cancelled the meeting. She then sighed and left the kitchen.

I scooped some food and in just few seconds I had finished it up, I went for a second plate and I consumed it as well, I continued till my stomach was filled up.

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When I finished eating, I discovered that I was now late for the meeting so I took my stuffs and ran down to the restaurant where we had planned to meet. When I got there, I discovered that my friends had not arrived so I decided to wait for them.
I took out my phone from my pocket and began watching a music video.

While I watched the video, I discovered that my stomach had started to rumble and I badly needed to fart. The music in the restaurant was very loud and I decided to employ one of the tricks I used as a kid. I timed the beats of the music, when I discovered that the chorus of the song was sung and the beat of the music had surged, I farted so it sounded the same time as the loud beat of the bass in the song. This was one of the trick I always used whenever I was pressed in a place where music was being played and I didn't want anyone to hear the sound of my fart.

I farted severally and began to feel better. I was happy and smiled at my wisdom. After I finished watching the video with my phone, I raised my head and discovered that everyone in the restaurant was just staring at me. They were looking at me in an awkward, disdainful and disgusting manner.
suddenly I realized that I was listening to the music from my earphones and not from the restaurant. It was then it dawned on me that they had all heard the sound of the atomic bombs (fart)

Thank you so much for stopping by, I hope you found this funny and interesting. I want to specially thank this community @comedyopenmic. God bless you all