I'm pumped to have found Hive and psyched to share my ventriloquist act with all of you. Once it's ready (written).
Ventriloquism (ventriloquy) is the most unique of duets. Human and ventriloquial figure (we do NOT use the D word) bonded, for life, one shared soul, a singular entertaining unit. Once begun, the bonding process can only be undone by the death of ventriloquist or ventriloquial figure (this is why so many ventriloquists are murdered by their ventriloquial figure, by the way). Choosing with whom to enter into this irreversible bond is the single biggest decision a ventriloquist will make.
Following the Revised Bergen Method I've been honing my act for coming on seven years this February.
For those not familiar, here's how The Method's seven years break down:
- Three years of handless mouthwork
- One year of voiceless handwork
- Two years of combined mouth/hand sockwork
- 11.5 months of American Girl Doll work
- ⬅️ I am here
- Two weeks writing, refining, and practicing your act
Acquisition of one's ventriloquial figure is where the Bergen Method and its revised cousin part ways. Bergen strictly prescribes that once a ventriloquist has refined their act they must then work with a Bergen-certified ventriloquial figure artist, who handcrafts a figure custom suited to their act. Figures typical cost upwards of $125,000. The revised method is a little more practical and allows for the ventriloquial figure to be purchased off eBay during the act-creation process with material written to suit the purchased figure.
Here's the exciting part Hive. I want to include YOU in my figure-selection process. I've narrowed my future soulmate down to the five figures below. What I need from you is to read about each and, in the comments, tell me with whom I will be eternally bonded.
Boxing Man w/ Tattered Red QSR Visor
Pros:
- He boxes (material will write itself)
- Big smile, nice teeth
- Neck beard
Cons:
- Large nose pores (how to clean?)
- Only speaks German
- Criminal history/drinks
Cost: US $24.97
view on eBay
Ed Billings, Man in Dress
Pros:
- Short torso/long legs 100% matches my handwork style
- Mouth style accommodates working "blue"
- Apron included
Cons:
- No forearms
- Paper mache (no outdoor shows)
- Good hand feel in Ed's velvet pocket (distraction)
Cost: US $45.00
See on eBay
Seersucker Sam
Pros:
- Omniscient
- Pubic hair eyebrows (3 jokes already in progress)
- Knows how to tie a Windsor knot
Cons:
- Bloody lower lip appears permanent
- Right eye infected
- Likely murder-prone
Cost: US $1,400.00
Dapper Dan
Pros:
- Loose jaw
- Eyes are portal to 6th dimension
- Nice lining on jacket (maybe reversible?)
Cons:
- Previous bond mate is still alive somewhere
- Balding children figures are so 2018
- Price is too sexy
Cost: US $69.00
view on eBay
Doctor who Looks Like Kevin Spacey
Pros:
- Hard as fuck
- Is doctor (practical)
- My whole set can be ripped from a Twilight Zone episode
Cons:
- Lip curl will require at least two Elvis jokes. I don't know who that is
- Likely violates copyright belonging to Serling estate
- Has killed three previous bond mates
Cost: US $399.99
view on eBay
So those are my choices Hive. I'm looking forward to your comments helping my choose my irreversible bonded mate, and I can't wait for you to hear my act!
Ed Billings, Man in Dress
because his body type "100% matches" your handwork style.
it makes me wonder - from where on his body does the hand enter? is it in the square of his back, or actually from up underneath his dress? this is the kind of burning question that i would want to have answered.
and also exactly how your handwork style plays into it.
honestly now am REALLY curious about how you did the practice with the American Girl Dolls where the handwork style now matches this figure's body ahahahahahahahahhah omg🤣
I appreciate your question comes from a place of curiosity and is most likely asked in good faith, but I did not go a quarter of a million dollars in student debt just to give the secrets of RBM Phase 4 away to a stranger on the internet. As for Ed's entry points, he's exclusively bottom access.
I'm torn between Dapper Dan and Seersucker Sam.
As you pointed out Dan is priced incredibly sexily, and having access to the sixth dimension is of course worth far more than $69. But, if Dan's previous bondmate is still alive then obviously you're gonna have to be okay with helping him kill off that other guy before you're able to complete the bonding process.
Sam on the other hand is only likely to be murder-prone as opposed to Dan who is certain to be so. That by itself probably makes Sam the safer choice if you can swing the $1,400 price tag. Plus omniscience is always nice.
Kind of a tough call. Maybe flip a coin?
Dan for sure.
The inevitable murder of Dan's prior bond mate is definitely a factor. I've messaged the seller to try to get a definitive answer on his jacket's reversibility. That feels like crucial information.
Should I have to terminate my bond with Sam I am slightly worried his omniscience could be an obstacle.
P.S. I sent you some resource credits in the form of a Hive Power delegation. Go easy on those. It recharges over time. You were completely drained, but now your 'battery' is up to 63% charge which would take two days to fully recharge. Temporary 'loan' to help get you on your feet. It would have taken you all week to recharge fully had I not helped. Don't waste them. Votes, comments, posts; they all cost resource credits. Don't need to be 100% fully charged, but the lower it drops the longer it takes to fully recharge.
You can view charge levels simply by hovering over the 'i' to the right of your username and reputation level here: https://peakd.com/@hugetiny
Awesome, thanks. I’ve been waiting all day to recharge enough to be able to post this. I imagine I’ll be making boneheaded mistakes for a while.
Just be conservative for the time being. Once/if you start earning, put that towards HP (Hive Power). Build up a nice little stack. I think this response to me here cost you about 1.5% charge so you should be okay ish for now. Don't waste it voting since they're not worth shit anyway until you build up more HP. Don't waste it responding to this message with a simple "okay thanks" for instance. That platform would be full of junk, spam, reward milkers, and other nonsense if we didn't have this system in place.
It's not really a boneheaded mistake. Just a bit of a learning curve here. Takes a bit of patience. Like a video game, your character always starts out a bit weak, but then you grind for a bit and you're well on your way.
okay thanks
Someone had to.
agreed
This is brilliant. 🤣🤣🤣
Imagine the adventure you will have with Seersucker Sam
Wait for Part 3, dropping today or tomorrow.
You should pit them against each other in a last-man-standing death match, and choose the winner.
Let's hope they all die.
The correct choice is obvious. Seersucker Sam. Just by looking at him I can tell, dude screams, "Hard worker." Probably at everyone. Even when they're just sitting there enjoying a quiet moment on a park bench somewhere with a coffee.
Plus I can tell just by that lip he's used to the internal bleeding caused by having an arm shoved up the ass all day. It's a no-brainer.
Excellent point on the bloody lip pointing to Sam's likely acclimation to the "handsing" process. I'd be lying if I said I didn't have concerns it indicates irreparable harm from his previous bond mate. No one wants a figure with an overworked cavity.
But look! He doesn't even get any on his suit. That's a pro right there, no doubt.
Ed Billings, he looks like my uncle. XD
I would have to say Ed Billings. I find him to be the most relatable. I live in Portland, though, and therefore have a very eclectic sense of aesthetic. He might not go over very well in places like everywhere else.
You're right. Ed may not have the universal appeal of a Seersucker Sam, but he does have a certain appeal. I do worry the paper mache wouldn't last long in Portland weather.
Hmmm. Well Portland is also known for its polyamory, so Ed would likely be open to you having other...Smarties.
The Dr, of course. He’s killed three previous bond mates, so if you find it’s not a good fit, all you need to do is turn him over to the authorities. Free as a bird then aren’t you (like with insurance too💕❤️💕)
Maybe it's because he looks kinda like Kevin Spacey and I watched too much House of Cards—I have a feeling he'll always have the upper hand. If I try to double-cross him and rat him out it won't end well for me. But easy access to a health provider might be worth it.
I never though about it, but having a ventriloquial figure with real life skills is a major life hack.
100%. I do have an outstanding question about whether he would use his skills to heal me or take me apart limb-by-limb. I messaged the seller.
Legit concerns
The doctor's pic looks so cute and funny! lol! 😂
Have you read about his acting career?
No, I haven't! Well, I have to take a look now! Thank you so much!! 🙂
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Dapper Dan of course. Duh!
Seersucker Sam might not be a bad one to shelf in case Dapper Dan gets locked up but his eyebrows remind my of that one Jackass movie where they shaved their balls and glued their ball hairs to dudes face as a beard without him knowing they were ball hairs.
I don't think I'm cut out for Sam.
The difference is Seersucker Sam knows he's rocking ball hair for eyebrows. He's doing it to throw you off, show you who's the boss. It's good you have the self-awareness that you might not be cut out for Sam. Figuring that out post-bond would likely prove fatal. Dapper's probably a safe choice, if I can avoid looking him in the eye.
Oh man Sam's got'em by a nose for sure.
I vote for the Dr., you have a lot of Covid Material to work with as well as Dr. Fauci commentary!